Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This kind of behavior comes from insecurity and low EQ (or immature EQ).
I had a friend like this in high school. I dropped her as a friend because I lost patience.
She was higher-achieving but ended up a rich SAHM.
I got a free ride to a great grad program and am a well-compensated working mom by choice.
I think each of us ended up where we wanted to be. It's too bad and was unnecessary for her to alienate me along the way. I'm still friends with a nicer girl from that same era in our lives.
When I look back, I think a lot of her issues traced to being embarrassed by her middle class parents. Her dad was an immigrant scientist with a thick accent and her mom was a cafeteria lunch lady.
Tell your kid that high EQ (people skills) goes farthest in most cases. And that people have their own issues you can never really understand. If you, as a parent, can help your kid craft a polite shutdown message, that might work.
"Family members share successes...there's no need to compare blow-by-blow details of x..."
I think to an extent,
comparison and materialism and showing off in this way is developmentally appropriate to this age kid (tween/teen). It's kind of the prime age for social conformity as well as identity development, and a lot of that happens in comparison to others. You can teach your kid that it's unkind to do that kind of comparison out loud to other people, but it's also okay to reassure your kid that some amount of comparison is normal, it's how we check to see if we are doing about as well as other people, and it really only becomes toxic when it's the only way you evaluate yourself or you're a jerk about it to other people, like this cousin is.
Instead of calling your niece/nephew insecure/low EQ, consider telling your child that likely, cousin will grow out of this behavior and then minimize contact for a while and see if you're right.
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