Betrayal hurts but so does separation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Chump Lady and the Surviving Infidelity forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time is your friend plus staying very busy. Right now the worst thing is an idle mind when you think about the past.

it is a hell if you are an over thinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Chump Lady and the Surviving Infidelity forum.

DP -You all told me about these forums when I posted here 18 months ago that my dh left to be with his AP. I didn't find them helpful, tbh. A lot of people on those forums seem to get mired in what their ex did. I guess it's good to read through them to realize many people go through infidelity and survive and actually thrive but I don't think they're great for long term support. I got my a$$ kicked here by some people but most people were really kind and supportive. OP - 18 months later I promise you things get better. Focus on yourself. I hope you find this process to be the blessing in disguise I couldn't see when it first came to light. I'm now grateful every single day that I am no longer living with that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, find your own partner and get a therapy. Good sex also helps.

I can't agree with that. Find yourself first, don't rush into dating. Start dating when you've truly left your marriage and your husband behind. Takes probably one or two years.

Nah. Don't rush into a relationship. I hooked up with someone a few months after my ex moved out. Cleared the cobwebs. A few months later I met someone and we had incredible sex for a few months. It was super helpful. I wasn't looking for a new life partner. I'm on hiatus from dating at the moment. But you can definitely work on yourself and find yourself and have sex before the divorce is finalized.

how old are you, PP? it is a different feeling and need/desire to have a relationship if you are older or younger. Finding a good sex partner is definitely worth it and helps a lot in getting over someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Yeah I did-chump lady is right but does not make me feel better. I am
Living in the same house where he keeps pretending nothing happened and it sucks. His denials are exhausting but at least he is complying with the paperwork for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, find your own partner and get a therapy. Good sex also helps.

I can't agree with that. Find yourself first, don't rush into dating. Start dating when you've truly left your marriage and your husband behind. Takes probably one or two years.

Nah. Don't rush into a relationship. I hooked up with someone a few months after my ex moved out. Cleared the cobwebs. A few months later I met someone and we had incredible sex for a few months. It was super helpful. I wasn't looking for a new life partner. I'm on hiatus from dating at the moment. But you can definitely work on yourself and find yourself and have sex before the divorce is finalized.

how old are you, PP? it is a different feeling and need/desire to have a relationship if you are older or younger. Finding a good sex partner is definitely worth it and helps a lot in getting over someone.

Fair enough. I'm an empty nester who just turned 60! And I definitely feel that not having to navigate parenting younger children during all of this has been a huge blessing. I now wish we had divorced years ago BUT I also think that for me it would have been a lot harder to go through this while also figuring out custody and child support. I suppose there's always a trade off - earlier - you get years of your life back but you can't put yourself first. Later - you've wasted prime years of your life on a failed relationship.

[Anonymous]

For all those who successfully came on the other side of it, what was your age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Yeah I did-chump lady is right but does not make me feel better. I am
Living in the same house where he keeps pretending nothing happened and it sucks. His denials are exhausting but at least he is complying with the paperwork for now.

Makes sense, you're in it. Do you have any sort of timeline for when he or you will move out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Yeah I did-chump lady is right but does not make me feel better. I am
Living in the same house where he keeps pretending nothing happened and it sucks. His denials are exhausting but at least he is complying with the paperwork for now.

Makes sense, you're in it. Do you have any sort of timeline for when he or you will move out?

Not yet, unfortunately. But the separation agreement will trigger that discussion-as of now, he is avoiding any discussions. He still sees her but wants to pretend he is innocent.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, denials are the hardest

[Anonymous]

OP, I can relate to the "separation sucks" part. My ex didn't cheat, but she had a full blown midlife crisis and moved across the country, leaving me and our four children behind. My kids were older at the time, the youngest was almost 20, so it wasn't like she abandoned them or anything, but my daughter still wanted her mom around. I've been divorced for a while now, and the thing I miss most is her family (in-laws, cousins, etc.) and all the shared history, like you mentioned. I've been dating someone for a few years and have gotten to know her kids and family, and while that's been great, it's just not the same, at least not yet.

Sorry I don't have much advice other than to say I understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can relate to the "separation sucks" part. My ex didn't cheat, but she had a full blown midlife crisis and moved across the country, leaving me and our four children behind. My kids were older at the time, the youngest was almost 20, so it wasn't like she abandoned them or anything, but my daughter still wanted her mom around. I've been divorced for a while now, and the thing I miss most is her family (in-laws, cousins, etc.) and all the shared history, like you mentioned. I've been dating someone for a few years and have gotten to know her kids and family, and while that's been great, it's just not the same, at least not yet.

Sorry I don't have much advice other than to say I understand.

Why couldn’t you stay in touch with her family especially when no cheating was involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Yeah I did-chump lady is right but does not make me feel better. I am
Living in the same house where he keeps pretending nothing happened and it sucks. His denials are exhausting but at least he is complying with the paperwork for now.

Makes sense, you're in it. Do you have any sort of timeline for when he or you will move out?

Not yet, unfortunately. But the separation agreement will trigger that discussion-as of now, he is avoiding any discussions. He still sees her but wants to pretend he is innocent.

If he’s with someone else why won’t he just agree to split amicably?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thanks for sharing, seems pretty bleak for me right now as I go through the process...

It's really hard and lonely especially if you don't know anyone else going through it. did you find chump lady?

Yeah I did-chump lady is right but does not make me feel better. I am
Living in the same house where he keeps pretending nothing happened and it sucks. His denials are exhausting but at least he is complying with the paperwork for now.

Makes sense, you're in it. Do you have any sort of timeline for when he or you will move out?

Not yet, unfortunately. But the separation agreement will trigger that discussion-as of now, he is avoiding any discussions. He still sees her but wants to pretend he is innocent.

If he’s with someone else why won’t he just agree to split amicably?

Denial is due to the reason that it involves workplace