Tips for college grad moving home, no job yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree. I am speaking from the immigrant perspective who has been in 4 countries and not from the conventional American mindset. I think you need to have a deep conversation with him. He should have 3 months of grace period from getting a job.

This is a time for focussing on social connections (yes, he should party with friends, get together for golf, keep the connections alive and thriving), his network (college and HS friends, professors, mentors, PI, coaches, EC connections), his health and appearance (lose the pounds, clear the skin, get the dental checkups, up to date with vaccines, lose bad habits, therapy and career coaching if needed), and a close look at his resume, interview skills, linkedIn profile, next steps for career etc.

Do not be in a hurry to throw him in a menial job at Home-Depot or McDonalds. Because he will lose the momentum and circle that he gained in college when he transitions into doing a low-paying, low-skilled job. He will not feel good about himself and it will drain away his confidence.

It is really bad advice and a poverty mind-set that you need to get out of.

interesting take. not sure how i feel about this. anyone have any thoughts or input?

I wrote above about my experience. I was top of my college class and graduated into the 1990 recession. My parents, if they'd wanted me to take "any job" could have forced me to take a fast food counter job in my town. Those were paying the equivalent of $8 today. I thought about whether I should be a performatively hard-working child but I wouldn't have earned very much to offset the added costs of needing a car and car insurance. I'm glad they didn't make me. I had a friend who got a bad burn cleaning out a hot cheese melting machine. And my younger cousin is a culinary school grad who went into the restaurant business (executive chef now). And a former manager of mine worked a lot in the restaurant business in MoCo. My impression is that there are a lot of potheads and goofoffs in low end and chain restaurants. I agree it's not a motivating environment. And please don't send your kid to work at a hardware store if they don't know how to fix something.

If you want your kid to learn a skill there's a $4K-ish 3 week appliance repair training course in Ohio that I've had my eye on for my sons. Worst case they learn how to handle tasks around the house. Best case you don't have to deal with appliance repairmen ever again. This is much more useful than asking a kid to flip burgers.

https://academy.fredsappliance.com/

[Anonymous]

$4k paid training? i'd send him. pay $4k for the training? no thank you.

[Anonymous]

I’d encourage them to physically get out of the house during working hours - bring computer to the library or cafe.

If all their stuff is now cluttering your home, have them organize/dispose and consign (on line at depop, etc. or a local shop).

[Anonymous]

The job they get is with you.

Tell them to do deep decluttering and embrace the minimalistic lifestyle with you.

Tell them to do a Swedish Death Cleanse + Konmari with you - 3 hours a day.

They need to sort, clean and put everything that YOU can do without on FBMP, Poshmark, eBay etc and sell, sell, sell. The money they make is theirs.

This can be a transformative experience for both of you. They can paint, fix things, get cars serviced, sort out and arrange legal papers with you etc.

They are your adult children...they should get that responsibility of being a member of the family. Also, they should be looking for jobs, new skills, market themselves etc.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say op I feel you. This long weekend is killing me. Can’t wait to get back to my office on Tue

[Anonymous]

WTH does everyone see open jobs?! Yeah, that’s not happening, but good luck.

Give him a break, OP. Ask him how many jobs he’s applied to. If it’s 250-300 that’s what it takes now. He should be doing that full time, not looking for a dumb job that Durant exist at this point. If he doesn’t get one this summer, that convo changes because he’ll have missed the hiring cycle and will have to try fir spring 2027.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS just graduated with an expensive BS degree. Several good interviews but no offers. Younger sibling will be moving out this fall to go to college.

DS has been home and working past summers but this feels different because it is different.

What tips helped your family through this transition? Most important, at what point do we say “you have to get a job, any job, even if waiting tables?”

We told our children that we would pay for college, and then they are on their own.

They always can live with us, and we will house and feed them, but we will not give them any money. If they want to go somewhere, they have to earn money. If they want a car, they have to pay for it. If they want clothing, they have to earn money to buy it.

I've seen so many parents ruin their children by giving them money, paying their rent, buying them expensive things like computers and cars.

We love our children intensely, but they need to support themselves. They know we will not give them money, not even for their phones. They want things, so they must find jobs to pay for them.

My children have had jobs since they were teenagers, so they understand the value of a paycheck. My DS got a job as a barista a week after graduating. It brought in enough money to pay for entertainment, and DS saved enough money so that when the time came, a few months later, when he and a couple friends wanted to rent an apartment, they had enough money for the deposit and first month's rent. DS found a "real" job a few months after that.

OTOH, A friend has been supporting her children for years. It's tragic. The kids are not launched, and it's very sad to see. The mom thinks she's doing the right thing, but it's not right. She pays their rent, tuition for grad school, for car, food, bills, etc. She loves them, but she needs to cut the cord so they can stand on their own two feet.

[Anonymous]

If we knew the specific degree and specialty / concentration, we might be able to brain storm about places that might be hiring.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, posted too quickly... example degree and concentration might be like this:

BS Physics with concentration in (nuclear, electro-magnetic, astro-physics, xor whatever)

[Anonymous]

About to be living the same life! He is taking a grad school exam in a couple of weeks so we will give him the time to do that. He has already started to look for jobs, but will really have to do more on that front. Our plan is to sit down with him and set some ground rules. It feels like we just started getting into the “empty nest” groove and now we will have to get used to one of the birds coming back.

[Anonymous]

Empty nest is a weird concept for humans.

I've been researching my European peasant ancestry. The oldest boy(s) never left home. They ran the farm until their parents died. Girls married out and immediately became junior housekeepers/farm wives and mothers within their husbands' household. If your family was big and poor, middle and younger children might have gone to the big city to be day laborers and maids. More likely down the road to a neighboring farm that was short of family at the right life stage or gender.

[Anonymous]

No need to re-live anyone’s peasant ancestry. It is your house and you get to set the terms. I would not make their life too comfortable. Give them a roof over their head a few meals a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, posted too quickly... example degree and concentration might be like this:

BS Physics with concentration in (nuclear, electro-magnetic, astro-physics, xor whatever)

BS Psychology...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need to re-live anyone’s peasant ancestry. It is your house and you get to set the terms. I would not make their life too comfortable. Give them a roof over their head a few meals a day.

I don't understand people like you. I really don't.
You were my parents. And don't worry, I never moved home after college. But I never forgave them for it as my 20's were spent w/o healthcare insurance, with no money, paying for grad school while working several jobs. It was their "right" but it was far different than the help their parents gave them (which was a lot in terms of in person help that saved them Money).

We don't have a close relationship today. So have fun with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, posted too quickly... example degree and concentration might be like this:

BS Physics with concentration in (nuclear, electro-magnetic, astro-physics, xor whatever)

BS Psychology...

That is tough.

Most psychology jobs will require an MS or PhD - and graduate degrees in Psychology cost money.

(By contrast, graduate degrees in Physics or engineering usually are fully funded by the department - through working as a TA or RA).

There might be positions as a test administrator at a firm that provides IQ tests or psychological testing.

If has good written and verbal skills, then there might be a staff job on Capitol Hill.

Also, one could apply for an intelligence analyst job in the IC or analyst at some non-profit think tank. Such job applications would be stronger if one has a solid background in statistical analysis.