Wait or leave?

[Anonymous]

I would fester. It would become toxic. It’s better to separate, heal, and build a new life. Show your child a healthy parting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

Yeah thos happened to me. I left for college and my parents sold the house and split. I dodnt have my house to come home to, didnt know of I should visit mom or dad or what life would be like now. I often ended up coming back to my hometown and staying with friends and avoiding even telling them I was back. I had been a straight A student my whole life and thay first year of college I got all Cs because I was was so upset with all of it. Messed up my GPA forever.

So you think they should have done it earlier?

Yes definitely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

We must have different values and morals. I think some things are unforgivable.

Maybe. I value my commitments strongly and fatherhood is the most important commitment I can make. It is the foundation for their lives and I need to do everything possible to honor it. I also felt similarly in marriage, but she was built different due to the divorce of her parents in middle school. When I say I would endure anything for my kids, I proved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

We must have different values and morals. I think some things are unforgivable.

Maybe. I value my commitments strongly and fatherhood is the most important commitment I can make. It is the foundation for their lives and I need to do everything possible to honor it. I also felt similarly in marriage, but she was built different due to the divorce of her parents in middle school. When I say I would endure anything for my kids, I proved it.

You didn't teach your kids through your example how to respect yourself. How to set boundaries with another adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

We must have different values and morals. I think some things are unforgivable.

Maybe. I value my commitments strongly and fatherhood is the most important commitment I can make. It is the foundation for their lives and I need to do everything possible to honor it. I also felt similarly in marriage, but she was built different due to the divorce of her parents in middle school. When I say I would endure anything for my kids, I proved it.

You didn't teach your kids through your example how to respect yourself. How to set boundaries with another adult.

Why would you assume that staying for the kids and not telling them about the infidelity as minors means there were no boundaries established? Self respect is a difficult one, I respect my decision to prioritize them, yet I didn’t prioritize my personal needs and staying meant swallowing a lot of pride and treating the perpetrator of the most disrespectful action ever taken against me.