Wait or leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separation has been initiated (infidelity involved), however, since the younger one still has 3 years until college, i am wondering if it might make sense to stay legally separated under the same roof? anyone taken this route? Regrets? Glad u did it?

You must be a troll because what kind of adult with a child about to go to college in a few years would write like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

This. My parents did this and then when I graduated I didn't have anywhere that felt like home to come back to. I hated it.

[Anonymous]

No, this is a mentally unhealthy thing to do. The marriage is over and considering staying in the same house is just an excuse to avoid accepting the end of the marriage, and procrastinating on making the inevitable changes. This is not good for you and it’s not good for your kid. You also have no way to get your ex to stay for three years either. Even if they agree to this, in two years the could decide they want to move their new partner in, and then what?

Put on your big girl panties and start the actual separation and divorce process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

This. My parents did this and then when I graduated I didn't have anywhere that felt like home to come back to. I hated it.

Well obviously they shouldn’t have stayed together longer right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

This is weird. It’s much better for kids to just accept reality on its face instead of getting wrapped up in what they think about each parent. This includes the reality that after divorce, the other parent may have a new partner that is involved in the children’s lives. Insisting on staying under the same roof so you can prevent your ex from entering into a new relationship borders on abusive and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

Yeah thos happened to me. I left for college and my parents sold the house and split. I dodnt have my house to come home to, didnt know of I should visit mom or dad or what life would be like now. I often ended up coming back to my hometown and staying with friends and avoiding even telling them I was back. I had been a straight A student my whole life and thay first year of college I got all Cs because I was was so upset with all of it. Messed up my GPA forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

Yeah thos happened to me. I left for college and my parents sold the house and split. I dodnt have my house to come home to, didnt know of I should visit mom or dad or what life would be like now. I often ended up coming back to my hometown and staying with friends and avoiding even telling them I was back. I had been a straight A student my whole life and thay first year of college I got all Cs because I was was so upset with all of it. Messed up my GPA forever.

So you think they should have done it earlier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in MD

There’s no such thing as legal separation in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

This is weird. It’s much better for kids to just accept reality on its face instead of getting wrapped up in what they think about each parent. This includes the reality that after divorce, the other parent may have a new partner that is involved in the children’s lives. Insisting on staying under the same roof so you can prevent your ex from entering into a new relationship borders on abusive and controlling.

Protecting your kids from possible harm is not controlling or abuse, cheating is both controlling and abusive. You can’t force a cheater to stay like you can’t trust them to be faithful. The cheater has full agency in this scenario, unlike the betrayed partner due to their affairs.

[Anonymous]

Leave now. Tell kid the truth. It's too long to act like everything is "just fine".

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends is doing this now. She's been "separated" from the cheating husband for 5+ years but they live together with their child because they can't afford 2 rents. The child is a teenager. Neither parent has plans to move out. My friend suggested the husband go and live with his 25 y.o. girlfriend, but she lives with her parents and they didn't want a 50-yr-old underemployed man living with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

This. My parents did this and then when I graduated I didn't have anywhere that felt like home to come back to. I hated it.

Well obviously they shouldn’t have stayed together longer right?

Are you dim? They should have gotten divorced when I was in high school and established two different houses at that time. Then when I came “home” I’d have somewhere familiar to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separation has been initiated (infidelity involved), however, since the younger one still has 3 years until college, i am wondering if it might make sense to stay legally separated under the same roof? anyone taken this route? Regrets? Glad u did it?

It depends on your relationship. If both want it and are civil enough to make it work, why not?

[Anonymous]

I am on here looking for suggestions for separations because we are in the same situation in VA. We have had separate rooms in the same house for about 8 years now. Our youngest will graduate in 3 more years. I am thinking about starting the process for a legal separation but for us to stay in the same house, that should take a year. Then we can decide to divorce or wait the 2 more years until graduation to sell.

Does anyone have advice on where to start for an attorney in VA? I know I need to get something done to be legally separated. We have not functioned as a couple in any aspect in so many years. We don't even share any finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

We must have different values and morals. I think some things are unforgivable.