Wait or leave?

[Anonymous]

Separation has been initiated (infidelity involved), however, since the younger one still has 3 years until college, i am wondering if it might make sense to stay legally separated under the same roof? anyone taken this route? Regrets? Glad u did it?

[Anonymous]

It's a bad idea. Child will see right through it. Everybody needs to rip the band aid off and determine how to move on.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend in college whose parents waited to split up until she left and she hated it. She suddenly didn't have anywhere to go home to.

[Anonymous]

I think it really depends on both people involved. Some people can do this with minimal conflict. Others find it completely untenable. I couldn't have done it. XH was the betrayer and a large part of my healing comes from only having to see him a few times a year. It would have hurt far too much to continue to share a home with someone who was actively involved in a relationship with someone else while we were still married. It hurt plenty at a distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a bad idea. Child will see right through it. Everybody needs to rip the band aid off and determine how to move on.

Do the quick and dirty plan and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

If you elect to stay, you’ll need to reach agreement on division of household expenses since he no longer has any obligation to support you (or vice versa).

[Anonymous]

I have wondered the same thing OP. My FWW and I sleep separately, but have not begun legal separation. She claims to want us to reconcile, but her actions are not moving the needle. We coparent well and keep it civil, but I am permanently depressed and we are both dealing with a lot of shame and loneliness. We are both stuck in a loop, but both prioritize our relationships with our kids hoping it will give them a relational foundation that we didn’t have. Wish I had better advice, but I can assure you that you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

"If you elect to stay, you’ll need to reach agreement on division of household expenses since he no longer has any obligation to support you (or vice versa)."

This depends on the jurisdiction. In VA the courts routinely award what's called pendente lite. It's an order that requires the higher earning spouse to keep paying the living expenses of the other until the divorce is finalized. I've had several friends divorce in VA and all of them got this.

[Anonymous]

We are in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have wondered the same thing OP. My FWW and I sleep separately, but have not begun legal separation. She claims to want us to reconcile, but her actions are not moving the needle. We coparent well and keep it civil, but I am permanently depressed and we are both dealing with a lot of shame and loneliness. We are both stuck in a loop, but both prioritize our relationships with our kids hoping it will give them a relational foundation that we didn’t have. Wish I had better advice, but I can assure you that you are not alone.

sorry , how old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

1 left under 18

[Anonymous]

Three years is a very long time.

But if you think it is best for your teenager & you both can agree to be civil towards each other then it could possibly work.

I just do not think it is ideal at all…….

[Anonymous]

If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're asking about the legalities of staying separated rather than divorced, ask a divorce lawyer. If you're asking what's best for your child, physically separate from the spouse so the child can respect you.

What’s best for the child is having two loving parents, unfortunately one of them is deficient in that department due to their infidelity. My kids didn’t have to hate their mom until they were old enough to forgive her. I don’t think my kids would have known a personally happy version of me if we got divorced immediately either. They do know that I loved them enough to be there and not let anyone else raise them while I was attempting to find personal happiness.

So she wasn’t loving to the kids or a good parent? Thus they “hate her”.

Or your minor kids “hate her” because she committed adultery?

Or both of the above?

When do the kids “get involved” with a parents infidelity? Was it in the house or that parent always gone for cheating purposes?