DD not interested in learning to drive

[Anonymous]

You do NOT force it. We don’t want scared/uninterested people driving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do force it. “You are very busy, and I’m going to want you to be driving yourself to your activities soon” and then have her drive to said activities when you are taking her. Even just 15 m drives will help. In fact familiar routes will build her confidence.

If she really gets difficult about it, start making her bus or get her own rides. The same parents I know who say their kids aren’t interested usually play chauffeur at their kids beck and call. The reason Gen X was motivated to drive was bc out parents weren’t about to drive us around like that. Stop playing uber

Yep, it’s crazy how many parents I see who are still driving around their 18 year olds to everything.

[Anonymous]

Where I live, it’s very expensive to add kids to insurance. That’s my only hesitation. I think it’s a necessary life-skill, at least until driverless cars take over, so we’re absorbing the cost for DC to learn at 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither of my kids were/are interested, OP. We forced the issue with my oldest during the pandemic, because he had no extra-curriculars to speak of, and we had plenty of time to teach him. He was incredibly anxious about driving, with good reason, since he has inattentive ADHD and poor reflexes. His driving progress was extremely slow, but at last he got his license before graduating from high school.

My second is now newly 16. Unlike her brother, she's incredibly busy. I have no idea when she will have time to learn. She's doing an intensive 8 week internship this summer, preparing for the SAT, and has numerous other commitments as well. Maybe we can sneak in a few hours here and there. I guess I should sign her up for the theoretical portion now.

Since you're started the process already, I think you're locked in, OP. Get her out on a parking lot after AP exams and start slow, see where it goes. It's actually very wise of a teenager to be anxious about driving, it shows they're responsible and thinking of consequences. Please reassure her and teach her at a pace she can follow, no pressure.

Once you get in the basics, so they are capable to drive outside of parking lots and side streets, it’s actually pretty easy to learn, you don’t need that much time. Every time you drive them to an activity, she drives instead. Just have to add a little extra time bc they are slower. My kids learned mostly on 10-15m drives. Honestly the repetition of going the same routes really helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do NOT force it. We don’t want scared/uninterested people driving

That’s totally wrong. Overconfident, aggressive teen drivers are usually who you don’t want on the road. Anxious drivers are over cautious but that’s better than under. And the only way to get less anxious is to do it

[Anonymous]

I don't want my DC in a car with an 18, 19, or 21 year old who's new to driving when instead they should have been driving since they were 16 and had years more of experience.

[Anonymous]

Definitely, parents not doing the bare minimum of their job as parents when their teen doesn't get their license. So lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do NOT force it. We don’t want scared/uninterested people driving

You get OVER the FEAR by DOING IT.

My niece didn't drive until she was 30. It was RIDICULOUS. Her parents had to drive her everywhere.

You head out to a school parking lot and you PRACTICE. And PRACTICE. Then quiet neighborhoods. Then a quiet local street. You keep scaling up until the person has confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seriously don’t understand this generation. There are so many kids that don’t want to get a license….even with uber and public transportation, it must be so limiting to not have the ability to hop into your car and drive to your friend’s house, go to a restaurant, go to your part time job, drive yourself to school, to the mall, to all the places we used to go as teens. No wonder they are so anxious and depressed.

I mean, where do you live? My teens in Arlington walked to friends' houses, walked to Ballston and Clarendon to go to restaurants and coffee shops, took the orange line to Tysons or to Roslyn and walked to Georgetown. It wasn't practical to drive to their jobs in Clarendon because they would have had to pay to park there. They walked to school.

I learned to drive at 16 but in my small town in a rural area, there was little to drive to. No mall nearby. I couldn't drive to school because my parents needed their cars to go to work, so I took the schoolbus. My kids definitely made out better.

NP - knowing how to drive isn't mutually exclusive with using public transportation. There's so much in between close-in Arlington and a small rural town. And another PP had a great point about it being important for women to know how to drive themselves home, it's a particularly important life safety skill for women.

I also don't get it. My kids have plenty of access to public transportation and walking and they will also get their drivers' licenses when eligible. It's not negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seriously don’t understand this generation. There are so many kids that don’t want to get a license….even with uber and public transportation, it must be so limiting to not have the ability to hop into your car and drive to your friend’s house, go to a restaurant, go to your part time job, drive yourself to school, to the mall, to all the places we used to go as teens. No wonder they are so anxious and depressed.

I mean, where do you live? My teens in Arlington walked to friends' houses, walked to Ballston and Clarendon to go to restaurants and coffee shops, took the orange line to Tysons or to Roslyn and walked to Georgetown. It wasn't practical to drive to their jobs in Clarendon because they would have had to pay to park there. They walked to school.

I learned to drive at 16 but in my small town in a rural area, there was little to drive to. No mall nearby. I couldn't drive to school because my parents needed their cars to go to work, so I took the schoolbus. My kids definitely made out better.

NP - knowing how to drive isn't mutually exclusive with using public transportation. There's so much in between close-in Arlington and a small rural town. And another PP had a great point about it being important for women to know how to drive themselves home, it's a particularly important life safety skill for women.

I also don't get it. My kids have plenty of access to public transportation and walking and they will also get their drivers' licenses when eligible. It's not negotiable.

Yes, I would feel sooo vulnerable if I didn’t know how to drive. And I’ve lived by myself in NYC, DC and Boston where you can get around easily with public transportation.

No way I’d let my daughters not learn this basic life skill as teenagers. Just like I felt it was my responsibility to teach them how to swim and how to read well in elementary school, it’s my job to make sure they can drive well before they go to college.

[Anonymous]

Yes I know several women who never got their drivers license and most of them are in controlling relationships where they are dependent on a man, or controlling parents. Honestly now that I think about this I wonder if parents like their kids dependent for some reason ? I’ve known some women who really seem to need to be needed by their kids - feels dysfunctional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls have to know how to drive themselves home. They just do.

That is so dramatic. My dd is in Manhattan at an arts school. Starting at 14 she would spends summers there for intensive programs. She couldn’t commit to classes or driving because of her schedule so no license. She and her friends are very comfortable taking Ubers, the subway and walking. Some of them have a restaurant job a couple of nights a week and would walk back to the dorm at 1 am. I don’t worry about her because unlike what Fox News claims, NYC is not a dangerous hellhole. There are definitely areas around large projects that aren’t as safe but they aren’t in those areas.

I don’t understand how kids in the suburbs don’t want the freedom a car gives you, that’s odd. A car allows you to go past your small little world and see what’s out there a little bit down the road.

[Anonymous]

My dd didn’t want to learn and we pushed her. She’s grateful now.

Giving in to the anxiety doesn’t make anxiety go away.

[Anonymous]

OP you will be hauling her around for a bit longer

Good luck w that

[Anonymous]

You force the issue.
As has been suggested.

Once she's 18 + you no longer drive her anywhere at all.