DD not interested in learning to drive

[Anonymous]

My DD is a sophomore and age 16.5. She has taken the driving class (I forced it last summer when she had more time) but now is not interested in learning to drive. She is so busy with school and activities that I don't feel like forcing it. At what point do you force it? Or, do you not and let them decide when it is time?

[Anonymous]

Is she just not interested in driving at all, or is she just so busy, and would rather focus on her other priorities for now?

[Anonymous]

This is a generational issue.

This is like learning to swim, a life skill she needs that is much easier to accomplish with a neuro elastic young brain.

Also, she lives with two responsible adults who are willing and able to safely teach her to drive. She will have less time in college and likely live away from home. When do you think there will be a better time??

As a young adult, it will severely limit her job prospects if she depends upon public transit.

Get to it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a generational issue.

This is like learning to swim, a life skill she needs that is much easier to accomplish with a neuro elastic young brain.

Also, she lives with two responsible adults who are willing and able to safely teach her to drive. She will have less time in college and likely live away from home. When do you think there will be a better time??

As a young adult, it will severely limit her job prospects if she depends upon public transit.

Get to it!!

Good points. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Neither of my kids were/are interested, OP. We forced the issue with my oldest during the pandemic, because he had no extra-curriculars to speak of, and we had plenty of time to teach him. He was incredibly anxious about driving, with good reason, since he has inattentive ADHD and poor reflexes. His driving progress was extremely slow, but at last he got his license before graduating from high school.

My second is now newly 16. Unlike her brother, she's incredibly busy. I have no idea when she will have time to learn. She's doing an intensive 8 week internship this summer, preparing for the SAT, and has numerous other commitments as well. Maybe we can sneak in a few hours here and there. I guess I should sign her up for the theoretical portion now.

Since you're started the process already, I think you're locked in, OP. Get her out on a parking lot after AP exams and start slow, see where it goes. It's actually very wise of a teenager to be anxious about driving, it shows they're responsible and thinking of consequences. Please reassure her and teach her at a pace she can follow, no pressure.

[Anonymous]

I did make my son get his license, but he is still not super enthusiastic about using it and will generally ask one of us to drive him places if we are home. It probably doesn't help that we live in a close-in suburb where he can use public transport if preferred.

[Anonymous]

I seriously don’t understand this generation. There are so many kids that don’t want to get a license….even with uber and public transportation, it must be so limiting to not have the ability to hop into your car and drive to your friend’s house, go to a restaurant, go to your part time job, drive yourself to school, to the mall, to all the places we used to go as teens. No wonder they are so anxious and depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously don’t understand this generation. There are so many kids that don’t want to get a license….even with uber and public transportation, it must be so limiting to not have the ability to hop into your car and drive to your friend’s house, go to a restaurant, go to your part time job, drive yourself to school, to the mall, to all the places we used to go as teens. No wonder they are so anxious and depressed.

+1

[Anonymous]

My DS1 didn't get his license until summer after his first year of college. DS2 got his the summer before college. It was fine. We have plenty of public transit options plus were walking distance from the high school, so they didn't really need to drive before then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously don’t understand this generation. There are so many kids that don’t want to get a license….even with uber and public transportation, it must be so limiting to not have the ability to hop into your car and drive to your friend’s house, go to a restaurant, go to your part time job, drive yourself to school, to the mall, to all the places we used to go as teens. No wonder they are so anxious and depressed.

I mean, where do you live? My teens in Arlington walked to friends' houses, walked to Ballston and Clarendon to go to restaurants and coffee shops, took the orange line to Tysons or to Roslyn and walked to Georgetown. It wasn't practical to drive to their jobs in Clarendon because they would have had to pay to park there. They walked to school.

I learned to drive at 16 but in my small town in a rural area, there was little to drive to. No mall nearby. I couldn't drive to school because my parents needed their cars to go to work, so I took the schoolbus. My kids definitely made out better.

[Anonymous]

Op, your child is in good company. I'm seeing that a lot of my teens' friends aren't excited about getting their license or learning to drive in general.

[Anonymous]

My kid is like this too. Anxious and not interested. I don’t care, she has to learn to drive. It’s a non-negotiable skill she needs in life beyond high school.

I have an aunt who, likely, is ASD but my grandparents surely didn’t know that raising her in the 60s and 70s. They coddled and pacified her and never made her do anything uncomfortable. She moved back in with them in 1995 when her roommates all married and then she never left. My grandmother went kid to an assisted living community last year and it sent my aunt into a literal mental tailspin. My grandmother has never been better but my aunt CANNOT cope with any aspect of adult life on her own . Intellectually she can, she holds a job, has tons of money saved, drives etc but she has spent her whole life never pushing herself through any discomfort and now she’s absolutely drowning. Can’t cook, but won’t learn. Believes she’s broke (living in a fully paid off house) because she has to pay utilities now. She’s scared of everything- driving to a city, public parking, trying new food. I think of her often when making choices for my kids, how sometimes never pushing them to do necessary but hard things is unintentionally cruel and sets them up for difficulties later on that they simply become too mentally rigid to manage.

[Anonymous]

Do whatever makes sense for your family.

Unless our kids attend college in a dense urban environment, such as London or Manhattan, they will learn to drive before going to college.

It is not about whether our kids have a car or regularly drive. It is about being able to drive a car if they are riding with someone else and that driver unexpectedly becomes incapacitated. Our kids at least need to be able to drive to a hospital or fire station to get help. Odds are that won't happen, but ours ought to be prepared for that possibility.

[Anonymous]

This is a wrecked generation. Too much focus on accelerated school classes and not independent enough to develop any confidence to do real world skills.

In my day, every one had their learner's permit on their 15th birthday and took their driver's test right after turning 16.

I was driving all across the state by the time I turned 18.

[Anonymous]

I had two resistant kids because it simply didn’t feel necessary to their life today. One got a full license at 17.5. We told our other she must have a license before she leaves for college this fall because it isn’t going to be easier to get it later.