For the third year in a row, my BF has neither time nor money to take any summer vacation

[Anonymous]

Not enough information to decide.

If you’re both early or mid 20s, it’s pretty normal to not take planned vacations — because your salaries are low and you’re saving. This would be the case even into your late 20s to the extent you’re in grad school.

If you’re older than that, is it that he is unable to go (not enough money or time)? Or is it that he doesn’t put a priority on vacation?

Also, op, do you legitimately have the money to go on vacation? I wonder if your bf has a different tale to tell, about his spendthrift gf. I grew up in a country/era where organized, costing vacations were not a big thing, and most people spent their holidays just hanging around the house or driving to visit family. Moving to the us where every aspirational UMC person is taking paid vacations, even college kids with their $500 trips to Daytona - this was jarring to me. Why do college kids taking on tons of debt for school have $500 for vacation?? It made (and still makes, 30 years later) no sense to me. There are plenty of people in the us whose views align with mine on this, and for many reasons don’t think going into debt, or using savings, for vacation is rational.

[Anonymous]

Where is OP?

[Anonymous]

OP and BF should consider a dance-focused StayCation. You stay at home and spend a lot of time dancing. Dancing in place, dancing together, separately, you name it. The idea is to just get up and Dance. It costs nothing. Duh. What are you waiting for?

[Anonymous]

I agree this is context specific. OP needs to come back and tell us how old this couple is, and whether BF doesn’t have the time off for vacation or won’t take the time off. Doesn’t have paid time off is one thing. Won’t take it is another.

And affording the trip is secondary to actually having the time to do it. You can of course take a cheap long weekend (drivable distance + camping) or just a staycation if he can find time.

[Anonymous]

You are looking at a lifetime of no vacations, or at least as a couple.

Does he not aspire to vacations? Not earn enough? Poor money management?

This outcome is a consequence. What is causing it?

[Anonymous]

OP if you have so much money, why aren't you paying for his vacations?

This site has no problem telling the lower earning women that their higher earning BFs should pay the lion's share of all these kinds of discretionary costs, like vacations and dining out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is OP?

Went back to life under the troll bridge.

[Anonymous]

I once dated a guy who never traveled outside the US and basically only had been to Florida. It was a huge turn off as I love to travel. I dated him for three months, not three years. I was in my twenties. That guy probably would have traveled with me. It never went that far. I was in my twenties back then.

I’m now married with three kids and in my forties. I married a guy who did travel with me. He has money but not much time. I travel with my friends and family without DH a lot. DH also does 2 vacations with us per year.

I have 3 kids and one of my kids doesn’t like to fly places either. I could see him one day saying he doesn’t want to travel with his girlfriend.

I don’t think lack of travel is a dealbreaker for everyone. My friend married a guy who doesn’t like to fly or vacation. He had $$$, just didn’t want to or has fear of flying. I’m not sure if it is just an excuse not to go. My friend travels often with her daughter and friends (me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Took one vacation after dating two years. Zero married.

A lot of people don’t take summer vacations or vacations at all.

We can’t afford them now. I do love travel though! We were able to a bit before kids. I grew up tent camping at the beach and we may need to go retro and embrace that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Took one vacation after dating two years. Zero married.

A lot of people don’t take summer vacations or vacations at all.

We can’t afford them now. I do love travel though! We were able to a bit before kids. I grew up tent camping at the beach and we may need to go retro and embrace that.

Op, can you afford to help him pay? Is he truly unable to afford or maybe saving for the future/building rather than splurging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you end an otherwise good relationship over this? I feel like our lifestyle expectations will never align.

What’s your budget?

[Anonymous]

Not everyone wants to travel, he could just be making excuses not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you end an otherwise good relationship over this? I feel like our lifestyle expectations will never align.

What’s your budget?

$2500-5K each for a 1-2 week vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More important, OP, why is he still your "BF" after 3 years?

For all you know, OP is 21. You're saying they should just get married after 3 years for shits and giggles without any further information? Yikes.

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OP: Your post is pretty vague. Does use his PTO in other ways, or simply not get enough? Are you trying to plan an elaborate vacation that's outside of his budget? How would you feel about contributing the difference?

There aren't any DCUM OPs that are 21. DP

NP checking in. Not quite 21 but a a few of us in their young 20s.....

I was 24 when I found this forum...I'm now over 40.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t he afford it?

Does he have a low paying job?

How old are you guys?