Why does he do this and what can I do about it?

[Anonymous]

He's decided to enact a new routine which prevents him from being resentful. He likely feels you're more invested in monitoring the children getting ready, so them/you being on time -- that's on you. True? If true, I think you're stuck with the new routine.

[Anonymous]

I hate it when people take forever to get ready and I'm supposed to just wait around while they do whatever the hell they are doing for so long. DH might be petty, but OP is being at best inconsiderate, at worst intentionally disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Selfishness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does he do this and what can I do about it?

Let’s say it’s a Saturday and the whole family is going to go out somewhere. It’s late morning and we say together, “Okay, let’s get dressed and ready to go.”

My DH used to get ready very quickly and then get annoyed because he was done first and had to “sit and wait” while the rest of us finished getting ready.

Lately he’s started doing something different. Instead of getting ready when everyone else does, he’ll stay in his pajamas and just lounge around while the rest of us get ready. Then the minute we’re all dressed and ready to leave, he’ll suddenly go get himself ready. So now *we’re* the ones sitting around waiting for him.

I pointed out that this makes no sense to me. He could just get ready earlier and, if he ends up waiting a few minutes, so what? At least then we could all leave right away when everyone else is done. Instead, he waits until the very end and guarantees that we’ll all be waiting on him.

When I asked him about it, I told him it seems pointless because someone is waiting either way, and his approach just delays us leaving. I admit I also told him that his way of “solving” the waiting problem seems kind of stupid because it just shifts the waiting from him to everyone else.

Why would someone do this? Is this some kind of fairness thing where he doesn’t want to be the one waiting? And more importantly, what’s a better way to talk to him about it so we can stop this cycle?

WTF was he sitting and waiting when he could have been helping move things?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry your husband doesn’t like you or your children.

But as sad as that sounds for you, it’s a pretty pathetic pathetic life for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he do this and what can I do about it?

Let’s say it’s a Saturday and the whole family is going to go out somewhere. It’s late morning and we say together, “Okay, let’s get dressed and ready to go.”

My DH used to get ready very quickly and then get annoyed because he was done first and had to “sit and wait” while the rest of us finished getting ready.

Lately he’s started doing something different. Instead of getting ready when everyone else does, he’ll stay in his pajamas and just lounge around while the rest of us get ready. Then the minute we’re all dressed and ready to leave, he’ll suddenly go get himself ready. So now *we’re* the ones sitting around waiting for him.

I pointed out that this makes no sense to me. He could just get ready earlier and, if he ends up waiting a few minutes, so what? At least then we could all leave right away when everyone else is done. Instead, he waits until the very end and guarantees that we’ll all be waiting on him.

When I asked him about it, I told him it seems pointless because someone is waiting either way, and his approach just delays us leaving. I admit I also told him that his way of “solving” the waiting problem seems kind of stupid because it just shifts the waiting from him to everyone else.

Why would someone do this? Is this some kind of fairness thing where he doesn’t want to be the one waiting? And more importantly, what’s a better way to talk to him about it so we can stop this cycle?

WTF was he sitting and waiting when he could have been helping move things?

What do you want to bet that OP and her kids are a mom and two girls who take whatever time they "need" with no regard for DH. And I'm female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider a different approach. " Kids and Dad, I am pulling out of the driveway at noon. Let's meet in the kitchen at 11:55. Please be ready to go."

This. You and your husband agree on a time to leave and everyone should be ready at that time.

[Anonymous]

Lol are you me? DH does this but doesn’t use the time to pack snacks, diaper bag, put sunblock on the kids, etc just acts annoyed we’re so slow.

[Anonymous]

If he can be ready in under 2 minutes I don't see the big deal. It makes more sense for the fast person to be comfortable rather than to have shoes and coat on sitting by the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're too bossy.

She’s doing everything. That’s different from being bossy. If he wants kids ready on his terms he needs to help.

[Anonymous]

Agree with prior poster who called him petty and pathetic.

You could always one up him by forgetting something after he’s ready.

(My DH tried to pull this on me and that’s how I handled)

[Anonymous]

You said it yourself in the OP

if he ends up waiting a few minutes, so what?

So now you end up waiting a few minutes, so what? If he was expected to wait, I guess you can now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he do this and what can I do about it?

Let’s say it’s a Saturday and the whole family is going to go out somewhere. It’s late morning and we say together, “Okay, let’s get dressed and ready to go.”

My DH used to get ready very quickly and then get annoyed because he was done first and had to “sit and wait” while the rest of us finished getting ready.

Lately he’s started doing something different. Instead of getting ready when everyone else does, he’ll stay in his pajamas and just lounge around while the rest of us get ready. Then the minute we’re all dressed and ready to leave, he’ll suddenly go get himself ready. So now *we’re* the ones sitting around waiting for him.

I pointed out that this makes no sense to me. He could just get ready earlier and, if he ends up waiting a few minutes, so what? At least then we could all leave right away when everyone else is done. Instead, he waits until the very end and guarantees that we’ll all be waiting on him.

When I asked him about it, I told him it seems pointless because someone is waiting either way, and his approach just delays us leaving. I admit I also told him that his way of “solving” the waiting problem seems kind of stupid because it just shifts the waiting from him to everyone else.

Why would someone do this? Is this some kind of fairness thing where he doesn’t want to be the one waiting? And more importantly, what’s a better way to talk to him about it so we can stop this cycle?

I don't know how many of you there are and if you have daughters and/or sons, but in my house, we all decide what time we are going to leave for something, we don't just say ok get ready and then we'll go because then yes, someone will always be waiting for others. Instead, decide that you're leaving in 15, or 30, or 60 minutes, rather than "when people are ready."

Ok this is the answer.

OP, in your house do you say, for example, let's leave for the farmers market at 10?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he can be ready in under 2 minutes I don't see the big deal. It makes more sense for the fast person to be comfortable rather than to have shoes and coat on sitting by the door.

There's a middle ground, duh. He can get dressed, then chill, or maybe help gather stuff for the outing or whatever, then put on shoes and jacket and head out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is hilarious that you think he should not mind waiting, but you mind waiting. He took his turn. Now it is your turn.

Exactly. He asked you to be more considerate and you refused. Now you can wait

Yep.