Why does he do this and what can I do about it?

[Anonymous]

Why does he do this and what can I do about it?

Let’s say it’s a Saturday and the whole family is going to go out somewhere. It’s late morning and we say together, “Okay, let’s get dressed and ready to go.”

My DH used to get ready very quickly and then get annoyed because he was done first and had to “sit and wait” while the rest of us finished getting ready.

Lately he’s started doing something different. Instead of getting ready when everyone else does, he’ll stay in his pajamas and just lounge around while the rest of us get ready. Then the minute we’re all dressed and ready to leave, he’ll suddenly go get himself ready. So now *we’re* the ones sitting around waiting for him.

I pointed out that this makes no sense to me. He could just get ready earlier and, if he ends up waiting a few minutes, so what? At least then we could all leave right away when everyone else is done. Instead, he waits until the very end and guarantees that we’ll all be waiting on him.

When I asked him about it, I told him it seems pointless because someone is waiting either way, and his approach just delays us leaving. I admit I also told him that his way of “solving” the waiting problem seems kind of stupid because it just shifts the waiting from him to everyone else.

Why would someone do this? Is this some kind of fairness thing where he doesn’t want to be the one waiting? And more importantly, what’s a better way to talk to him about it so we can stop this cycle?

[Anonymous]

You're too bossy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're too bossy.

OP may be bossy, but then what is the man who refuses to sit and wait clothed, only to force his entire family to do just that?

[Anonymous]

I think it is hilarious that you think he should not mind waiting, but you mind waiting. He took his turn. Now it is your turn.

[Anonymous]

I think you should make him responsible for getting everyone but you ready.

[Anonymous]

Consider a different approach. " Kids and Dad, I am pulling out of the driveway at noon. Let's meet in the kitchen at 11:55. Please be ready to go."

[Anonymous]

Having a few minutes to himself while he waits around (likeing on his phone) sounds nice! Tell him he can either do that or he can get himself ready and help the kids get ready instead of sitting on his ass. His choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider a different approach. " Kids and Dad, I am pulling out of the driveway at noon. Let's meet in the kitchen at 11:55. Please be ready to go."

This!!!

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Do they need help? Why isn’t he helping???

[Anonymous]

I do think it’s easier to wait for one person than four people. Like you said, you’re waiting on someone either way.

What were his answers when you posed these questions to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should make him responsible for getting everyone but you ready.

This. Tell him since he is so smart and so great at getting ready, he can get the kids ready himself. Then watch him suffer and don't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider a different approach. " Kids and Dad, I am pulling out of the driveway at noon. Let's meet in the kitchen at 11:55. Please be ready to go."

Exactly. You need to decide on a time to leave instead of just saying “okay, now it’s time to get ready”. Then let everyone get ready on their own schedule as long as they are ready to go at the set time

[Anonymous]

You both sound annoying and difficult.

[Anonymous]

You’re both petty AF. Work on that.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! You have entered the Contempt Phase of your marriage. Once the Contempt Phase commences, there's practically no going back. Spoiler: it can last for years, even decades.