What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say to start with an assessment of your disposable income (what you spend for fun discretionary things currently) and look for someone who can also spend in that same general ballpark. This will enable him to pay his own way if you're the type who insists on buying front-row seats to concerts or taking luxury level vacations, or things like flying business class. You don't want to have to subsidize someone unless you get to the point where you're fully committed. Look for things like how much he might be paying in child support or alimony, and whether he's on the hook for college expenses once his kids hit that age. Many divorced men in high income jobs don't control a significant part of their income and you need to go in with eyes wide open.

As for the assets, be open to men with really good pensions, like military officers who served 25+ years, or are on track to do so. These people get such a big paycheck every month that their spending money in retirement is probably on par with someone who saved $3M+ in their 401K. But unlike us professionals, they don't ever have to worry about the money running out if inflation hits or interest rates drop.

Yes this is a way to go. I dated men who had different lifestyle eg were attending low cost gyms, low cost vacations, didn’t use cleaning ladies. They always had anxiety and would try to put me down for “being so spoilt” spending my own money the way I want.
Next step he moves with you and wants you to clean the house yourself . No thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS - Also, I am an inverted-triangle shape, so I have to try to minimize my top, and try to wear darker colors (although sometimes all white/cream or other monochrome).

I like more textured things, in that they are more forgiving (say that a T shirt... which is what started all this) but I can't do really textured fabrics given my body shape.

For this reason (broad shoulders), puffy sleeves and other voluminous tops just don't work.

I also don't find button downs comfortable (in addition to the gaping issue).

6 feet; size 14 usually.

Am I missing something here? What does this have to do with the question at hand or did you reply to the wrong post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:all criteria +/- 20%
so age 45-65
income $200-$300k
NW $3-$5m, or actually doesn't matter, but NEVER blend finances again with a partner (aka, get a prenup and safeguard your assets)

So all criteria +/-20% but age can be +40% huh?

Interesting...

Your math is wrong

[Anonymous]

NW of 4m sounds low to me for someone in their 50s making 250k/yr. Were you out of the workforce at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:all criteria +/- 20%
so age 45-65
income $200-$300k
NW $3-$5m, or actually doesn't matter, but NEVER blend finances again with a partner (aka, get a prenup and safeguard your assets)

So all criteria +/-20% but age can be +40% huh?

Interesting...

Your math is wrong

Sorry. I went back and realized she is in 50s. I mistakenly thought she was 45. Probably mixing up ages from a different thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.

oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?

I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.

Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.

DP.

"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).

A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.

My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.

Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?

I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent

This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.

If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?

The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.

No, no one needs 250K incomes to have a nice life, you are correct.

And no one “needs” to marry a super model with perfect proportions to procreate.

But some people prefer to marry a partner with millions and some people prefer a partner with blonde hair and blue eyes and symmetrical features. Neither of these preferences is inherently more or less valid than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.

oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?

I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.

Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.

DP.

"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).

A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.

My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.

Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?

I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent

This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.

If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?

The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.

Your situation is different. Your husband is with you almost whole adult life in a committed relationship with two kids. That’s not happening for most women and men dating in their 40-50s. Yes, I would want to date someone with similar lifestyle as I don’t want to argue over joint budget etc. BHDT

I agree that you shouldn't combine incomes or a budget with a boyfriend. But I was trying to say that if we can afford that much on 300k, a man with adult independent kids or no kids can afford more without. Infact a retired millitary man with one kid in college might be paying no tuition because the GI bill is covering his kid's education. He might not live in your neighborhood though.

But yes, absolutely do not subsidize a boyfriend's lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NW of 4m sounds low to me for someone in their 50s making 250k/yr. Were you out of the workforce at some point?

Seriously 😒

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.

oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?

I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.

Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.

DP.

"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).

A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.

My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.

Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?

I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent

This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.

If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?

The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.

No, no one needs 250K incomes to have a nice life, you are correct.

And no one “needs” to marry a super model with perfect proportions to procreate.

But some people prefer to marry a partner with millions and some people prefer a partner with blonde hair and blue eyes and symmetrical features. Neither of these preferences is inherently more or less valid than the other.

I get what you are saying, but I somewhat disagree. People want a partner with millions because it affords them stability and security especially when having children. OP already has stability, it does not look like she is looking to have any children. A guy making 250k does not bring her any more stability than one making 150K with a higher proportion of disposable income. And hopefully, she is not planning to marry these men -- women carry the burden in marriages. Why get into that at that age when you can date them and dump them when they start getting comfortable and self-centered?

Looks are different. Dating in 50s should be very fun because by that age, you are confident enough to be single and hanging with your girlfriends, but you want some sex and romance. Looks can make a difference in the sex and romance. Again, Jeff Bezos money can make a difference in the romance, but the difference between 250K and 150k for certain professions like retired millitary officers is probably not going to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.

oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?

I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.

Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.

DP.

"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).

A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.

My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.

Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?

I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent

This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.

If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?

The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.

Your situation is different. Your husband is with you almost whole adult life in a committed relationship with two kids. That’s not happening for most women and men dating in their 40-50s. Yes, I would want to date someone with similar lifestyle as I don’t want to argue over joint budget etc. BHDT

I agree that you shouldn't combine incomes or a budget with a boyfriend. But I was trying to say that if we can afford that much on 300k, a man with adult independent kids or no kids can afford more without. Infact a retired millitary man with one kid in college might be paying no tuition because the GI bill is covering his kid's education. He might not live in your neighborhood though.

But yes, absolutely do not subsidize a boyfriend's lifestyle.

I don’t think that 300k buys much in dmv. In fact I had to move to a different state to afford the lifestyle I wanted as a single person. One skiing vacation is now $8-10k for 2 persons. Tennis that I like playing $2-3k/year min . A man I’m seriously considering for a LTR would need to be interested in that same active lifestyle and able to pay in his way. That’s more like a $500-600k joint income, if the couple eventually moves in together or buy a joint home for retirement. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with anyone who doesn’t have at least equivalent disposable income to mine. I make $350k gross my spent is $120k/year as single person and I’m a net saver. I don’t think I have a luxurious lifestyle - just not counting penni.

I agree that military pensions and benefits can altogether add to a high net worth but there are not as many men who are military and also interesting people

Women don’t respect men who make less or have cheaper lifestyle than their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NW of 4m sounds low to me for someone in their 50s making 250k/yr. Were you out of the workforce at some point?

Seriously 😒

It is somewhat low. I’m at $5m slightly higher income but I’m a decade younger and I had a break from full time employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.

oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?

I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.

Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.

DP.

"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).

A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.

My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.

Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?

I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent

This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.

If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?

The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.

Your situation is different. Your husband is with you almost whole adult life in a committed relationship with two kids. That’s not happening for most women and men dating in their 40-50s. Yes, I would want to date someone with similar lifestyle as I don’t want to argue over joint budget etc. BHDT

I agree that you shouldn't combine incomes or a budget with a boyfriend. But I was trying to say that if we can afford that much on 300k, a man with adult independent kids or no kids can afford more without. Infact a retired millitary man with one kid in college might be paying no tuition because the GI bill is covering his kid's education. He might not live in your neighborhood though.

But yes, absolutely do not subsidize a boyfriend's lifestyle.

I don’t think that 300k buys much in dmv. In fact I had to move to a different state to afford the lifestyle I wanted as a single person. One skiing vacation is now $8-10k for 2 persons. Tennis that I like playing $2-3k/year min . A man I’m seriously considering for a LTR would need to be interested in that same active lifestyle and able to pay in his way. That’s more like a $500-600k joint income, if the couple eventually moves in together or buy a joint home for retirement. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with anyone who doesn’t have at least equivalent disposable income to mine. I make $350k gross my spent is $120k/year as single person and I’m a net saver. I don’t think I have a luxurious lifestyle - just not counting penni.

I agree that military pensions and benefits can altogether add to a high net worth but there are not as many men who are military and also interesting people

Women don’t respect men who make less or have cheaper lifestyle than their own

Just like I don't respect women who weigh more and eat more than I do. I earn a high salary and have a high NW so I can be picky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NW of 4m sounds low to me for someone in their 50s making 250k/yr. Were you out of the workforce at some point?

Seriously 😒

It is somewhat low. I’m at $5m slightly higher income but I’m a decade younger and I had a break from full time employment.

I'm the one who posted this originally, and I'm at 4m NW at 52 with a lower HHI. But we saved early and often and then the market did the rest (both real estate market and stock market). Two incomes but together less than OP with one income.

Did OP say if she has kids? I guess that would eat into it. We have one kid. If we had no kids, our NW would be higher as would our income (I have worked part-time since our kid was born). I'm also not counting our 529 in our NW since I don't consider that "my" money, it's earmarked for someone else.

I wonder if OP is a bit of a spender, preferring to spend the bulk of discretionary income rather than save/invest in. And that's why she's looking for a high income and NW. But in that case, she should really be looking at how men spend money to ensure it matches hers. There are definitely men with high incomes or net worth but they may have gotten that way through scrupulous saving and investing, and not taking extravagant vacations or going out to eat all the time. She wouldn't enjoy that lifestyle. Likewise I know men (including my brother) who have more moderate NW and income but love spending money, and whose first instinct when they get extra cash is "what fun thing can I spend this on?"

In other words, OP should focus more on lifestyle and financial philosophy than on the bottom line. She obviously wants someone who is financially independent with discretionary income, but beyond that, I don't think the exact numbers matter that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.

oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?

I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.

Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.

DP.

"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).

A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.

My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.

Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?

I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent

This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.

If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?

The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.

Your situation is different. Your husband is with you almost whole adult life in a committed relationship with two kids. That’s not happening for most women and men dating in their 40-50s. Yes, I would want to date someone with similar lifestyle as I don’t want to argue over joint budget etc. BHDT

I agree that you shouldn't combine incomes or a budget with a boyfriend. But I was trying to say that if we can afford that much on 300k, a man with adult independent kids or no kids can afford more without. Infact a retired millitary man with one kid in college might be paying no tuition because the GI bill is covering his kid's education. He might not live in your neighborhood though.

But yes, absolutely do not subsidize a boyfriend's lifestyle.

I don’t think that 300k buys much in dmv. In fact I had to move to a different state to afford the lifestyle I wanted as a single person. One skiing vacation is now $8-10k for 2 persons. Tennis that I like playing $2-3k/year min . A man I’m seriously considering for a LTR would need to be interested in that same active lifestyle and able to pay in his way. That’s more like a $500-600k joint income, if the couple eventually moves in together or buy a joint home for retirement. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with anyone who doesn’t have at least equivalent disposable income to mine. I make $350k gross my spent is $120k/year as single person and I’m a net saver. I don’t think I have a luxurious lifestyle - just not counting penni.

I agree that military pensions and benefits can altogether add to a high net worth but there are not as many men who are military and also interesting people

Women don’t respect men who make less or have cheaper lifestyle than their own

You make perfect sense, except for wanting to combine homes. That will be a big mistake. Why would you do that at this stage in life? Back to the income issue: So you make 350k and are okay with 500-600k joint. Scaling down those numbers to OP's, she makes 250k and can be okay with 400-450k joint. That's a man at 150K-200K with similar disposable income as OP's.

There are not as many single men( and women!) in their 50s with the right package of disposable income, looks, personality etc, so it is even more important to move smart and realize that there are a few men who may not meet the income on paper but can fully carry themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NW of 4m sounds low to me for someone in their 50s making 250k/yr. Were you out of the workforce at some point?

Seriously 😒

It is somewhat low. I’m at $5m slightly higher income but I’m a decade younger and I had a break from full time employment.

I'm the one who posted this originally, and I'm at 4m NW at 52 with a lower HHI. But we saved early and often and then the market did the rest (both real estate market and stock market). Two incomes but together less than OP with one income.

Did OP say if she has kids? I guess that would eat into it. We have one kid. If we had no kids, our NW would be higher as would our income (I have worked part-time since our kid was born). I'm also not counting our 529 in our NW since I don't consider that "my" money, it's earmarked for someone else.

I wonder if OP is a bit of a spender, preferring to spend the bulk of discretionary income rather than save/invest in. And that's why she's looking for a high income and NW. But in that case, she should really be looking at how men spend money to ensure it matches hers. There are definitely men with high incomes or net worth but they may have gotten that way through scrupulous saving and investing, and not taking extravagant vacations or going out to eat all the time. She wouldn't enjoy that lifestyle. Likewise I know men (including my brother) who have more moderate NW and income but love spending money, and whose first instinct when they get extra cash is "what fun thing can I spend this on?"

In other words, OP should focus more on lifestyle and financial philosophy than on the bottom line. She obviously wants someone who is financially independent with discretionary income, but beyond that, I don't think the exact numbers matter that much.

+1. We'll said.