DD, 10, overweight and obsessed with food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your younger DD is a foodie; my youngest son is like this. Enjoys food, trying new things and cooking. Please don’t body shame, just explain to her the downside of being a foodie - it’s easy to put on weight.

The other side of the coin may be boredom; being bored and being a foodie is not a good combination. Does she do an activity? DS now plays futsal - the running will help keep him in shape. Can DD play tennis? Walk the dog? Neighborhood pick up soccer? Anything that gets her moving/running would help…

Oh my god, did you really just call a 10 year old a foodie? Get a grip.

Kids can be foodies. I mentored a little girl who was 10 and a terrific eater, loved cooking, and would try all the fancy cheeses. She's a chef now. Some people are just like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. What is “overweight”? Many tweens are pudgy right before they get their growth spurts. Are we dealing with an almond mom? OP admits to an eating disorder and many such parents transfer their disordered view of weight to their kids. Talk to the doctor. There’s a slim chance that the DD has a metabolic syndrome, but we may just have a case of a normal weight/build child in the midst of naturally slim people.

Second this. OP, I don't know what your eating disorder is/was but I've battled anorexia nervosa for 20 years, including inpatient stays, and I will freely admit that while I'm at a healthy weight right now, the eating disorder brain is very much NOT in remission and may never be. It is a lifelong battle and in my experience there are plenty of people who claim to be recovered who are either lying to themselves or really in partial recovery. There is also a significant genetic component to these disorders (my aunt has also been in treatment for anorexia) and I think you absolutely should feel like you're walking on eggshells around your DD because if I were in your place, I absolutely would not trust my own perceptions of the situation and would be on the alert for any signs that my unlucky genes are showing up in the next generation. Please check in with actual experts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 10 years old your DD should not be confused about the idea that baked goods are not at all healthy.

What? There are plenty of baked things that are perfectly healthy to eat. See to your eating disorder ma'am.

[Anonymous]

Obesity is an eating disorder. Encouraging baking as a hobby in this circumstance is counterproductive. A sport or even walking a dog would be better, save baking for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

When you make food a scarcity, when you make it a forbidden fruit, then guess what: kids obsess over it and want more of it. It's like when you have to fast or can't have water you think about food and water until you can have some again. Maybe if you stopped obsessing over what people look like, if you stopped describing people as a size when they have other attributes such as heart, mind, and soul, then your daughter wouldn't have an eating problem. You get what you raise, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. What is “overweight”? Many tweens are pudgy right before they get their growth spurts. Are we dealing with an almond mom? OP admits to an eating disorder and many such parents transfer their disordered view of weight to their kids. Talk to the doctor. There’s a slim chance that the DD has a metabolic syndrome, but we may just have a case of a normal weight/build child in the midst of naturally slim people.

The mom is describing a kid that over eats. These kids exists. There are kids at every birthday party that eat their share of pizza and cake, lick the plate and want another piece. Then there are the kids that eat a few bites of everything then move on to playing and aren’t that interested in food

Overeats by her standards. What’s the size of the serving? Growing kids eat food. I had a slim kid who would go through periods of prodigious consumption, especially right before a growth spurt. It’s just hard to tell how much of what OP is describing is through her filter.

She is overweight. That literally means she is eating more food than her body needs. That is what overeating is. Mom is also describing her wanting large portions, wanting to snack a lot, wanting seconds, ect. Between her eating large portions AND being overweight, it’s pretty clear she is overeating. Now how to correct that is hard. Sorry, OP. Some people, even kids, just have difficulty eating the right amount for their body to maintain a heathy weight. I think you may need to say, you can have dessert, but one serving. Or no second serving of pasta/rice/bread, but you may have extra veggies, meat, a piece of fruit.

[Anonymous]

It’s tough OP. My DD is similar but younger and still thin. I’m not sure how I will broach it if it continues. I would like to be honest and direct and tell her that being overweight will dramatically her dating options in life and make it much harder to find a man who will love her, if she wants to date. But I know that the direct approach is not popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you make food a scarcity, when you make it a forbidden fruit, then guess what: kids obsess over it and want more of it. It's like when you have to fast or can't have water you think about food and water until you can have some again. Maybe if you stopped obsessing over what people look like, if you stopped describing people as a size when they have other attributes such as heart, mind, and soul, then your daughter wouldn't have an eating problem. You get what you raise, OP.

And some people are wired to want more even if it's not scarce. I am one; one of my kids is the same. We serve dessert at every meal. DS would eat nothing but sugar for every meal if allowed (and has, at his grandparents' house). I was the same at his age. And yes, I gained weight, but not as much as I might have because I had 2 hours of intense sports every day. DS doesn't have intense sports and we restrict him to a small dessert (2 cookies, a small candy bar, etc) after lunch and dinner. Actual dessert of his choosing - not fruit or whatever. So he literally eats 2 desserts a day which is far more than I ever got as a kid. Plus whatever crap they give at school - one teachers gives out weekly sodas for winning grammar contests, etc.

He is luckily skinny and we never ever talk about weight, only the need to eat healthy things before having dessert, i.e. if you are hungry for dessert, you are hungry enough to eat the regular dinner first. I do wonder what he'll do when he is older.

My other kids did not inherit this trait. (My father has it too.) But they do sometimes imitate him as he is the oldest, so we have the same conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you make food a scarcity, when you make it a forbidden fruit, then guess what: kids obsess over it and want more of it. It's like when you have to fast or can't have water you think about food and water until you can have some again. Maybe if you stopped obsessing over what people look like, if you stopped describing people as a size when they have other attributes such as heart, mind, and soul, then your daughter wouldn't have an eating problem. You get what you raise, OP.

There is no scarcity. In what OP describes and in real life. I don’t care what OP has or doesn’t have home, kids get fed junk foods all the time from various sources. Not being able to have endless amounts of junk food available at all times doesn’t make it scarce. But this is a matter of her kid overeating in general, not necessarily what she is eating.

[Anonymous]

Stop dancing around the issue with her. Explain to her that she is overweight and that carrying extra weight is damaging to every part of the body. Explain that you’re overhauling her eating and exercise habits. Get her to a nutritionist and follow their advice to the letter. Go cold turkey on the snacking and baking. Get her exercising in a structured way at least 4 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is often a sign of undiagnosed ADHD. Considering getting a neuropsych eval for your daughter and having her take Adderall/Vyvanse, which will reduce her "food noise"

Wow, not the poster but never considered that. I struggled with food obsession and later diagnosed with ADHD. That's an interesting connection.

[Anonymous]

Thinness does not equate to healthy. And, low fat no fat foods are not ideal even when trying to loose weight. So you may want to consult a dietitian or nutritionist (whichever is the one that has the more rigorous certification attached). They may help you determine what foods are best kept in the home that both can eat and enjoy. Limiting both daughters to foods that only fill to help one put on weight and the other loose weight, may actually be counterproductive. Instead, it might be best to choose foods that will fill
their nutritional needs. If your younger daughter has a hard time controlling portion size maybe a full fat bowl of something that at least leans healthy as a snack or meal, might support her in eating less of the snacks you want to limit. So before the more “fun” foods make sure they get those that fill their bellies both nutritionally and that give a fuller feeling. Even when trying to lose weight - it’s calories that matter more than the fat. Even then, better to get more calories from sources like fruit or things like popcorn than chips and cookies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 10 years old your DD should not be confused about the idea that baked goods are not at all healthy.

What? There are plenty of baked things that are perfectly healthy to eat. See to your eating disorder ma'am.

Np but baked goods generally refers to muffins, bars, cookies, etc. not generally considered healthy at all. “Baking” isn’t referring to baking potatoes and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is often a sign of undiagnosed ADHD. Considering getting a neuropsych eval for your daughter and having her take Adderall/Vyvanse, which will reduce her "food noise"

This - consider this please.

Are there other signs of perhaps some way her brain works or experiences the world differently? Be real about this. Look at how adhd, anxiety, etc present in girls (often different than boys). How is she with other body functions- how does she know she is hungry, or how does feeling full feel, for example.

Sometimes this happens with adhd (impulsive) or anxious kid ( looking to control something) or plenty of other things. I think a neuropsych could offer information on why there may be some tendency to overeat. And addressing the overall why will help more than just this one symptom.

Thanks. This is really helpful and I hadn't connected it as a possibility. -OP

If she's 10 and you've never considered that she may have ADHD and she has no other symptoms, do not put your preteen daughter on an amphetamine just so she loses weight. Of course if you want her to have an ADHD diagnosis, you can get one easily, but ADHD meds are not a joke.

[Anonymous]

Some kids are compulsive overeaters from a very young age. I was. Why? I do not know. My grandparents would feed me a second breakfast, my mother hid sweets and was obese herself. I was overweight starting around 3 or 4 judging from photos but didn't know there was anything amiss until kindergarten where kids bullied me.
Mother and I dieted together from my age 7 or 8 on. Rice diet, egg diet, diet doctor pills. I yo yoed.
I was an 88 pound first grader, a 4 ft Inch 145 pound 4th grader. 250 plus in high school.

It's in the mind and spirit.
Having healthy food around won't fix it.
Guilt and restrictions won't fix it.

I am in remission now and have been on and off. Mostly on, for 40 years. I don't know what will work for a kid.