DD, 10, overweight and obsessed with food
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I have a DD who is 10 and is increasingly overweight. She thinks about food day and night. She is obsessed with baking. She eats huge portions. We only keep healthy food in the house, allow desserts but they are limited, and try to model good eating habits. I am not sure how to handle the situation -- I am average weight and have struggled with eating and had an eating disorder as a teen. I try to eat healthfully now and to serve balanced meals for the family. My daughter eats whatever and says things are "healthy" -- I try to make clear that Oreos are for treats, but not shame anyone. I encourage her to find filling foods that are healthy -- fish,etc.
She has major issues about clothes and her body, and I feel like stepping on eggshells sometimes about this. It is extra complex because my husband's family seems to have a familarly trait in which kids can be dangerously *under*weight, and her teen sister may have inherited that. Older DD is extremely thin and short. this condition is undiagnosed, but DH and siblings were extremely skinny as kids to the point of doctors worryig about abuse, despite a mom who was a consummate cook and sweetheart. DH's siblings and mom described that they just couldn't eat much as kids, they had tiny appetites and they threw up if they ate even a little too much (which they were often commanded to) throughout childhood. Upshot is that at the same time as dealing with our young DD, who is overweight and might benefit from portion control, we are always trying to make sure older DD gets enough calories (on advice of her doctor). So we have high fat foods in the house (whole milk, meats, peanut butter, and yes, ice cream). I have explained to younger DD that older DD has medical issues that mean that she needs to eat a second dinner if she can, while the rest of us should not eat at night, but it's really hard to create consistent messaging and extra hard to model good habits for younger DD as a result. I'm current listening to my younger DD bake cookies (one weekly baking project is allowed) to have dessert and I'm frustrated that I feel like in the end both DDs are not well served. I admit I am worried about shaming younger DD, but really I also not sure that discussing would have any effect or would just irritate her and lead to the same things anyhow. And honestly, she (younger DD) seems like she is hungry all the time, and has been since she was a newborn. I'm overwhelmed by the craziness of this situation; weight is not the biggest thing, but she becomes a tween, it is affecting her socially, and limiting her - she avoids certain situations, and many other small moments. Advice more than appreciated. Thanks. |
Anonymous
| This is so tricky and I’m sorry you’re in this. I am chiming in as someone who was a bit overweight as a child with a sibling whose metabolism was high and they were skinny. It was hard and I still remember a time traveling he was allowed a candy bar and I wasn’t (with otherwise good parent) and a male pediatrician saying things too bluntly about my weight in my presence. All this to say - how you act in front of her and talk about food will affect her more than you know. If she talks about wanting more food, can you say “oh are you hungry?” Or “is your stomach grumbling?” Or “let’s talk about how we know we’re hungry.” Make sure she sees you and others eating in healthy ways, talking about your body as a machine, and picking an apple instead of ice cream as a routine snack because it makes you feel better. Take advantage of your regular Dr appointments with child to ask good questions and call them and mention her preoccupation with food and ask if she should see someone. I’d enroll her in a sport too or a weekly something. And more than anything praising her for her internal beauty (bravery, smart, hardworking, kindness to others) and that you love her no matter what is what she will remember. |
Anonymous
| This is often a sign of undiagnosed ADHD. Considering getting a neuropsych eval for your daughter and having her take Adderall/Vyvanse, which will reduce her "food noise" |
Anonymous
|
Your younger DD is a foodie; my youngest son is like this. Enjoys food, trying new things and cooking. Please don’t body shame, just explain to her the downside of being a foodie - it’s easy to put on weight.
The other side of the coin may be boredom; being bored and being a foodie is not a good combination. Does she do an activity? DS now plays futsal - the running will help keep him in shape. Can DD play tennis? Walk the dog? Neighborhood pick up soccer? Anything that gets her moving/running would help… |
Anonymous
| 10 is right before puberty. Girls are often chubbier at that stage and eat like a fiend. Has her period started? She may slim down in her teens |
Anonymous
| Yeah I would try not to stress about it and just continue to encourage healthy habits. Ten is young, her body could just be in a phase. |
Anonymous
|
Not to scare you and hope this is not the case. But, I have a condition similar to what you describe for your husband’s side of the family. Under rare circumstances this metabolic issue can manifest as being hungry all the time and leading to overeating and weight gain. Two things can trigger this. Food not traveling fast enough to the portion of the stomach that signals being full or actual neurological misfiring. Endocrine issues are a possibility too. Or your younger DD might just be a foodie, in which case you should lean into it with as many healthy options as possible.
But, it might benefit both your older and younger DD to keep chasing the actual diagnosis for your older DD. It changed my life knowing what I am dealing with. |
Anonymous
This - consider this please. Are there other signs of perhaps some way her brain works or experiences the world differently? Be real about this. Look at how adhd, anxiety, etc present in girls (often different than boys). How is she with other body functions- how does she know she is hungry, or how does feeling full feel, for example. Sometimes this happens with adhd (impulsive) or anxious kid ( looking to control something) or plenty of other things. I think a neuropsych could offer information on why there may be some tendency to overeat. And addressing the overall why will help more than just this one symptom. |
Anonymous
|
Bad advice to have high fat ice cream for one and low fat food for the other one. A lot of kids are really thin. My mother always told the doctor she was worried about our toothpick arms and legs and overall lack of weight. Doctor told her that kids won’t starve themselves, don’t worry. None of us had any eating disorders growing up.
We all know kids who are super skinny and they grow up to skinny adults. There’s no reason to fatten her up. Same with overweight kids unless they can get proportions of food way down. My daughter friend is obese and has always been, same with her mother. They eat very large portions, I mean huge. If they could only cut those portions to 1/3 of their current portions they would lose about 2-3 pounds a week. |
Anonymous
| Can kids get glp1s? If yes I’d consider as it reduces appetite |
Anonymous
|
This is tough.
I would want to make sure both kids are active. 10 might be too young for your daughter to understand food and calorie intake, but she will soon. Since she likes to cook and bake, I would capitalize on that. Have her involved in meal planning, packing lunches, picking out favorite vegetables. Get books from the library or find some good people to follow online. I would also rule out things like thyroid disorders in both kids. You may find talking with a pediatric nutritionist. (a real one - not someone with a certificate from a made up place). |
Anonymous
OP here. The goal isn't "fattening up" older DD. Older DD's lack of food intake is impairing her growth, so food is helping her have enough nutrients to reach a proper height. Right now she is 0.1% in weight and 1% in height, and hasn't grown much in height in 3-4 years. And unfortunately DH's two siblings as adults are now overweight; DH works very hard to exercise and eat healthfully like normal adults; whatever this is doesn't just let them be skinny adults, at least not throughout their lives. But I appreciate the challenge and I also feel like it's an impossible situation sometimes. |
Anonymous
Thanks. This is really helpful and I hadn't connected it as a possibility. -OP |
Anonymous
| Older DD and your husband have been tested for celiac? |
Anonymous
| A girl in my DS's grade who was obese lost a ton of weight the summer between 4th and 5th grade, to the point of becoming a normal sized girl, she must have lost 60-70 lbs in 3 months. I'm guessing some medication was involved for weight loss that extreme, so maybe ask your ped what your options are. |