So depressing - mid-life and death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm mid-50's and it's just starting to really hit me how fragile it all is. Our parents are all dead now. Siblings - sick. Celebrities - dropping like flies. Friends - either retiring or dying it seems.

So depressing, no wonder older people are cranky. With all the sadness and then the government drama, it really just makes me want to stop working, buy a crap place in Mexico and sit by the beach for the next few years until life gets me too. Ugh. No wonder I watch Netflix and shop so much. At least my husband and kids are doing ok. For now...only a matter of time, right?

Puerta Vallarta!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP--I'm right there with you.

We try to do all the right things--do well in school, go to college, get a decent job, get married, get a house, have kids, and raise them to be good human beings.

But while we're busy making a life for ourselves and helping our kids, our moms' and dads' lives were quietly slipping away.

Well, those moms and dads we left at the house back then is where we find ourselves today. The kids are moving on. Our careers are winding down. The state of our parents--if they're even still around--is depressing. And, for us? We get to hear about yet another health concern from our doctor at every annual check up.

I'll offer this, OP. I'm a 57yo Black man. It's no secret that Black males in the U.S. have the lowest life expectancy of any major demographic group. I can't ignore that. But in the last few years, I kind of feel like I've figured out how to "slow life down" for me.

I pause-out of the blue--a lot. I just stop and really take in the moment. Doesn't even have to be anything special going on. I look at faces. I listen to voices.

When I eat, I try to really think about the taste of the food. Where it came from. I think about the plant or the animal. And I'm thankful for it.

I take more pictures of ordinary moments. It might be of me and the family eating sandwiches. The dogs sleeping together. DW reading. Or, the sky.

I say I love you. Often. And I try to get in more hugs.

I know. None of this is particularly genius. But these things have helped me be more present and to try to live with deeper intention. To take it all in--with an appreciation that I am here to witness it all. Helen Keller wrote a profound essay in 1933, "Three Days to See". I read it every couple of years to remind myself that while my time is indeed limited, I'm gonna try to "suck the marrow out of life" while I'm here.

Good luck, OP. You are not alone.

Lovely, thank you for taking the time to write this. I enjoyed Helen Keller’s essay as well. Being present and having gratitude are so important.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter is pregnant with our first grandchild and I plan to help a LOT. Nothing keeps you feeling young like a little life. I’m sad I won’t be around forever for my grandkid(s)

[Anonymous]

The past three years has been full of people I love dying - my parents, relatives, close friends, etc. The five years prior were also hell as declining parents were very difficult (my father, mainly). After he passed, my mother wanted to go to assisted living and lived the best few years of her life there. She was so happy and back to being my fun, joyous mother despite her disabilities. I miss her tremendously as she died suddenly from a catastrophic brain bleed. Over in less than a moment.

[Anonymous]

I don't mind the idea of dying, that's just what happens to everyone eventually, but the state of things in the US is just so bad right now. This level of stress is not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP--I'm right there with you.

We try to do all the right things--do well in school, go to college, get a decent job, get married, get a house, have kids, and raise them to be good human beings.

But while we're busy making a life for ourselves and helping our kids, our moms' and dads' lives were quietly slipping away.

Well, those moms and dads we left at the house back then is where we find ourselves today. The kids are moving on. Our careers are winding down. The state of our parents--if they're even still around--is depressing. And, for us? We get to hear about yet another health concern from our doctor at every annual check up.

I'll offer this, OP. I'm a 57yo Black man. It's no secret that Black males in the U.S. have the lowest life expectancy of any major demographic group. I can't ignore that. But in the last few years, I kind of feel like I've figured out how to "slow life down" for me.

I pause-out of the blue--a lot. I just stop and really take in the moment. Doesn't even have to be anything special going on. I look at faces. I listen to voices.

When I eat, I try to really think about the taste of the food. Where it came from. I think about the plant or the animal. And I'm thankful for it.

I take more pictures of ordinary moments. It might be of me and the family eating sandwiches. The dogs sleeping together. DW reading. Or, the sky.

I say I love you. Often. And I try to get in more hugs.

I know. None of this is particularly genius. But these things have helped me be more present and to try to live with deeper intention. To take it all in--with an appreciation that I am here to witness it all. Helen Keller wrote a profound essay in 1933, "Three Days to See". I read it every couple of years to remind myself that while my time is indeed limited, I'm gonna try to "suck the marrow out of life" while I'm here.

Good luck, OP. You are not alone.

I'm 57, too, reeling over losing my mom last spring, and heartbroken knowing that my dad is lonely and my time left with him is short. I thank you for sharing these lovely thoughts . . . they help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind the idea of dying, that's just what happens to everyone eventually, but the state of things in the US is just so bad right now. This level of stress is not sustainable.

I used to be okay with the idea of dying... but now that I'm in my mid 50s I've watched enough people die to know that no one really wants to die. They might resign themselves to it in the final hours or days, but the truth is that when the time draws near, people just want more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the same age, OP, and I’m basically ready to die right now. Trump has ruined everything, and I just don’t want to be here anymore. I feel sad that I might not see any grandchildren, but at this point I’m so sad about our situation and do angry at Trump that I just would prefer to die.

I get it. It isn’t Trump himself, but the reaction of all his supporters. The celebration of cruelty and stupidity that they relish. It does make you despair of humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind the idea of dying, that's just what happens to everyone eventually, but the state of things in the US is just so bad right now. This level of stress is not sustainable.

I used to be okay with the idea of dying... but now that I'm in my mid 50s I've watched enough people die to know that no one really wants to die. They might resign themselves to it in the final hours or days, but the truth is that when the time draws near, people just want more time.

This has not been my experience. I know a lot of people who were ready when the time came. Though I agree many others are scared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP--I'm right there with you.

We try to do all the right things--do well in school, go to college, get a decent job, get married, get a house, have kids, and raise them to be good human beings.

But while we're busy making a life for ourselves and helping our kids, our moms' and dads' lives were quietly slipping away.

Well, those moms and dads we left at the house back then is where we find ourselves today. The kids are moving on. Our careers are winding down. The state of our parents--if they're even still around--is depressing. And, for us? We get to hear about yet another health concern from our doctor at every annual check up.

I'll offer this, OP. I'm a 57yo Black man. It's no secret that Black males in the U.S. have the lowest life expectancy of any major demographic group. I can't ignore that. But in the last few years, I kind of feel like I've figured out how to "slow life down" for me.

I pause-out of the blue--a lot. I just stop and really take in the moment. Doesn't even have to be anything special going on. I look at faces. I listen to voices.

When I eat, I try to really think about the taste of the food. Where it came from. I think about the plant or the animal. And I'm thankful for it.

I take more pictures of ordinary moments. It might be of me and the family eating sandwiches. The dogs sleeping together. DW reading. Or, the sky.

I say I love you. Often. And I try to get in more hugs.

I know. None of this is particularly genius. But these things have helped me be more present and to try to live with deeper intention. To take it all in--with an appreciation that I am here to witness it all. Helen Keller wrote a profound essay in 1933, "Three Days to See". I read it every couple of years to remind myself that while my time is indeed limited, I'm gonna try to "suck the marrow out of life" while I'm here.

Good luck, OP. You are not alone.

Where did you come from, and can you please post more?

[Anonymous]

You’re lucky you don’t have to take care of you elderly parents! Get on HRT and enjoy life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I’m younger-43 so still in the thick of having kids in the house but I am very much looking forward to a more relaxing life. I have prioritized my health and I’m really hoping to travel and enjoy life until I am very old. Not having to cook all the time, not having to bring kids to all the appointments, being able to come and go as I please, not having deadlines etc…This is all very attractive to me. I would say embrace and try to look at the positives.

I’m a little older than you (48) and both kids are now in college so we are empty nesters. I actually REALLY miss the kids being home and count down to spring break. The house is too clean, the fridge too full, and everything too quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP--I'm right there with you.

We try to do all the right things--do well in school, go to college, get a decent job, get married, get a house, have kids, and raise them to be good human beings.

But while we're busy making a life for ourselves and helping our kids, our moms' and dads' lives were quietly slipping away.

Well, those moms and dads we left at the house back then is where we find ourselves today. The kids are moving on. Our careers are winding down. The state of our parents--if they're even still around--is depressing. And, for us? We get to hear about yet another health concern from our doctor at every annual check up.

I'll offer this, OP. I'm a 57yo Black man. It's no secret that Black males in the U.S. have the lowest life expectancy of any major demographic group. I can't ignore that. But in the last few years, I kind of feel like I've figured out how to "slow life down" for me.

I pause-out of the blue--a lot. I just stop and really take in the moment. Doesn't even have to be anything special going on. I look at faces. I listen to voices.

When I eat, I try to really think about the taste of the food. Where it came from. I think about the plant or the animal. And I'm thankful for it.

I take more pictures of ordinary moments. It might be of me and the family eating sandwiches. The dogs sleeping together. DW reading. Or, the sky.

I say I love you. Often. And I try to get in more hugs.

I know. None of this is particularly genius. But these things have helped me be more present and to try to live with deeper intention. To take it all in--with an appreciation that I am here to witness it all. Helen Keller wrote a profound essay in 1933, "Three Days to See". I read it every couple of years to remind myself that while my time is indeed limited, I'm gonna try to "suck the marrow out of life" while I'm here.

Good luck, OP. You are not alone.

Thank you for this post, going to try this. -new poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I’m younger-43 so still in the thick of having kids in the house but I am very much looking forward to a more relaxing life. I have prioritized my health and I’m really hoping to travel and enjoy life until I am very old. Not having to cook all the time, not having to bring kids to all the appointments, being able to come and go as I please, not having deadlines etc…This is all very attractive to me. I would say embrace and try to look at the positives.

This. I’m in my early 50s and feel exactly like this. I still have a few years left in the house with kids, but the end is in sight.

I say this gently, but if you think everything is so difficult now, you’ve had a very sheltered life. I’ve dealt with very serious problems before, I’m sure I’ll deal with them again, but I’m thankful for the breaks when things are more or less OK. I’m not going to waste worrying despite everything being mostly fine. Save your worry for the true catastrophes.

[Anonymous]

Lots of catastrophes going on now…