I wish I was chill

[Anonymous]

OP, can you give an example of when you think you were uptight and it annoyed someone?

Wondering if it’s just your interpretation and people aren’t really bothered by it.

[Anonymous]

I am more type B and am fine with Type A, except for one trait. Those type As that judge everybody for not living up to their standards. I am not built that way, so don’t ding me for not being just like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I *were* chill.

NP. I find this interesting, because "were" is used to denote something that cannot be changed. I wish something was possible, when in reality it is set and cannot be changed. "Was" denotes the possibility of change. I wish I was chill leaves the possibility open that one can one day become chill. Which goes to the very heart of the discussion.

Signed, Another Type A, not chill person

lol very interesting! I never thought about it that way or about how in English the subjunctive is optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am more type B and am fine with Type A, except for one trait. Those type As that judge everybody for not living up to their standards. I am not built that way, so don’t ding me for not being just like you.

Hmm I think judgementalness is a personality characteristic independent of being Type A or B. Certainly many Type Bs who judge Type As as being bad or annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

As a worker in a restaurant, I would have noticed you changing the table so many times. This would have made me go from chill to not chill. I'm already thinking what a difficult person you are and why.
There's a difference between changing tables, because you just saw a booth and have bags versus you being uptight.
I would have sent another server to your table.
Making a joke of it does help to take the edge off. People do make jokes afterwards when they see me all confused about their need to change tables so many times.
From there on, I'm watching you like a hawk. I can see you check the silverware, stare at the food for long as if something is not right.
My stress level go down the minute you leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Life is too short to change who you are.

It’s shorter for people who aren’t chill. All that stress is bad for the body.

Not completely true. They tend to recuperate faster due to pure will.

[Anonymous]

If you can, OP, I would recommend trying to find mechanisms to cope with this, lessen it. I am in the process of doing the same, and it isn't easy. I am now in my 60s. Type A, not chill has helped me in so many ways in life. I am the fixer, if you will. But now that I am at a stage of no one needing me to fix things, all my chill friends who I have always been there for, aren't there for me now that I could use some help. I understand that this isn't their responsibility. But it has been a shock to understand that having always taken care of myself and others, that in hindsight those people always, basically, just took from me. And when I no longer can help them with their careers or kids or money or whatever it is, I'm just irritating.

I am realizing I am depressed at this point. And I woke up today deciding I will look into anti-depressants. So finding your post first thing this morning feels like a sign that I have to do something different to solve this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

As a worker in a restaurant, I would have noticed you changing the table so many times. This would have made me go from chill to not chill. I'm already thinking what a difficult person you are and why.
There's a difference between changing tables, because you just saw a booth and have bags versus you being uptight.
I would have sent another server to your table.
Making a joke of it does help to take the edge off. People do make jokes afterwards when they see me all confused about their need to change tables so many times.
From there on, I'm watching you like a hawk. I can see you check the silverware, stare at the food for long as if something is not right.
My stress level go down the minute you leave.

You don't seem to undertand that your description here of yourself is a perfect example of a non-chill person. Any Type A can be relaxed, then switch into "high alert" and manage something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can, OP, I would recommend trying to find mechanisms to cope with this, lessen it. I am in the process of doing the same, and it isn't easy. I am now in my 60s. Type A, not chill has helped me in so many ways in life. I am the fixer, if you will. But now that I am at a stage of no one needing me to fix things, all my chill friends who I have always been there for, aren't there for me now that I could use some help. I understand that this isn't their responsibility. But it has been a shock to understand that having always taken care of myself and others, that in hindsight those people always, basically, just took from me. And when I no longer can help them with their careers or kids or money or whatever it is, I'm just irritating.

I am realizing I am depressed at this point. And I woke up today deciding I will look into anti-depressants. So finding your post first thing this morning feels like a sign that I have to do something different to solve this.

As a PP stated up thread. Chill people aren't on alert and are surprised when things go sideways. I would contend a Chill person doesn't have the skill set to help you solve your problems. Which, as you said, is not their job anyway. As a result, there is no motivation to help, but are happy to receive it when they are "surprised" but something occurring in their lives.

[Anonymous]

You can get on an SSRI and be chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything that enters your brain doesn’t need to come out of your mouth.

Think it don’t say it.

Why didn't you keep this one inside your brain, friend?

LOL. This cracked me up, so thanks. OP, I say embrace who you are. If you feel yourself overreacting to situations, that's a different story and probably something you can work on. But this is really how you're wired. Everyone has things about themselves that they don't like. I think it's more productive and makes for a happier life to capitalize on your strengths and run with them.

Signed,
Another Type A-er

You can be Type A AND chill. Those aren’t mutually exclusive.

They aren’t chill. They are just encouraging each other to be annoying. Wild.

Op, you can fix this it’s not that complicated.

I think you underestimate the nature (biological and chemical markers), not to mention the nurture (ones young-life experiences) that make a person who they are. "Fixing" it isn't as easy as you make it out to be. Just like me saying to you: Just start worrying! If you are truly chill, you can't just start worrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can get on an SSRI and be chill.

I agree with this, but it also makes a person far less productive, less creative, less . . . A Type A person is used to being sharp, fully engaged, on. SSRIs dull that.

A body that naturally produces a "chill" person regulates itself as needed. But when a person self-regulates with drugs or alcohol, they frequently need to "counter" the effect with another substance, just as the body would have done naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, yesterday I went out to lunch and we changed tables THREE TIMES until I was content. I've never been quite this bad, but still. So, right there with you. Something that helps people not be too annoyed is to make fun of yourself for it and/or make jokes about it. I texted my lunch date later and thanked him for playing a rousing game of musical chairs at lunch with me.

Also, I try to let myself be as uptight as I want with things that only affect me, and then let things slide when they affect others. So my bag is organized EXACTLY how I want it, and I know where everything is. My sock drawer is divided by type of sock. But if I go to a movie with a friend and they want to sit in the middle while I'd rather sit in the back, I sit in the middle. Or if we get a snack and they want to eat at the tables outside and I was thinking we'd eat inside, I just eat outside. Let go of what you can, even if you see the logic in doing it your way.

As a worker in a restaurant, I would have noticed you changing the table so many times. This would have made me go from chill to not chill. I'm already thinking what a difficult person you are and why.
There's a difference between changing tables, because you just saw a booth and have bags versus you being uptight.
I would have sent another server to your table.
Making a joke of it does help to take the edge off. People do make jokes afterwards when they see me all confused about their need to change tables so many times.
From there on, I'm watching you like a hawk. I can see you check the silverware, stare at the food for long as if something is not right.
My stress level go down the minute you leave.

These type of people should not eat out. I have a friend like this and I no longer meet her at restaurants.

[Anonymous]

I'm not always chill, but I don't mind. I get a lot done when I'm not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am more type B and am fine with Type A, except for one trait. Those type As that judge everybody for not living up to their standards. I am not built that way, so don’t ding me for not being just like you.

Hmm I think judgementalness is a personality characteristic independent of being Type A or B. Certainly many Type Bs who judge Type As as being bad or annoying.

Exactly this.