Advice wanted: School laptop and grooming on discord

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

Can they see everything in the discord chat? I assume the images were being sent on her phone and not the school device (before we took away the phone) but I don’t know.

Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you need to get it together.

Your child is sending nudes to someone you're not even sure is a fellow child and you're just like "Well, I think they were sent on her phone but they were also sent over discord on her school tablet."

Figure it out. Come up with a plan.

I don’t get this. I didn’t say they were sent on a school device. I said she is using her school device to access discord. The nudes freak me out but that’s not all that disturbs me. I want to get rid of her access to discord entirely.

And yes I’d love to come up with a plan for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

Can they see everything in the discord chat? I assume the images were being sent on her phone and not the school device (before we took away the phone) but I don’t know.

Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you need to get it together.

Your child is sending nudes to someone you're not even sure is a fellow child and you're just like "Well, I think they were sent on her phone but they were also sent over discord on her school tablet."

Figure it out. Come up with a plan.

I don’t get this. I didn’t say they were sent on a school device. I said she is using her school device to access discord. The nudes freak me out but that’s not all that disturbs me. I want to get rid of her access to discord entirely.

And yes I’d love to come up with a plan for that.

You said she was sending explicit photos and videos via discord and that discord is being accessed via the school device.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

I mean I assumed this was the answer but this turns into hours (like four?) of me monitoring her every night. No homework shouldn’t take that long but somehow it does for her and whatever she’s doing and it’s so so so easy to click over to discord when my back is turned or I go to the bathroom Maybe that’s the only answer but it’s insane that a parent would have to do that.

Is it taking her hours because she's getting on discord? What happens if you sit next to her and say "I'm going to watch you do your homework, let's start now."

Yeah, you have to micromanage. Keeping your kid safe is important.

I don’t know why it takes her hours. I see a lot of google docs, canvas, Desmos, etc. I just hear “not quite done there’s more I need to do” etc etc and I have no way of knowing if *this* time she’s being honest that there is something she does really need to do.

But of course she still accesses discord at school so even if I didn’t let her use the laptop at home at all she still has access to the chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, age 14, is chatting a lot and sending explicit photos and videos via discord. The other person is supposedly a 14-year old too but I don’t think I can assume it’s not an adult. I found out because she left her laptop open and I saw the chat. My daughter is very tech savvy and found every way around restrictions. We have taken away her phone but we can’t take away discord. I asked teachers (without mentioning the discord thing) about doing assignments by hand but every little thing requires a one to one device. Oh and grades have gone down the drain since this chatting started. The school laptop is not being used for schoolwork much, apparently.

We’ve talked to our daughter about the dangers of this, etc but she keeps doing it. I can monitor her screen for maybe two hours a night but not six.

I am just at a loss. I am just so upset and sad that discord is such a danger to my daughter and I can’t keep her away from it. Does online sexu@l exploitation of a minor have to be a part of my child’s education?

Anyway, advice?

Seems odd to me that this sounds more focused on getting the IT people to solve your problem rather than dealing with your daughter. Aren't there any other punishments you can enforce? Why don't you want to deal more directly with her, or does it just sound that way here?

I’m happy to do that and if anyone has ideas I’m all ears. I’ve taken away all other devices, had a lot of conversations, spend hours monitoring the screen when she’s at home, I take away the laptop at night, etc.

Take away all electronics unless she is being monitored. Give her a dumb phone. That's where I"d start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

Can they see everything in the discord chat? I assume the images were being sent on her phone and not the school device (before we took away the phone) but I don’t know.

Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you need to get it together.

Your child is sending nudes to someone you're not even sure is a fellow child and you're just like "Well, I think they were sent on her phone but they were also sent over discord on her school tablet."

Figure it out. Come up with a plan.

I don’t get this. I didn’t say they were sent on a school device. I said she is using her school device to access discord. The nudes freak me out but that’s not all that disturbs me. I want to get rid of her access to discord entirely.

And yes I’d love to come up with a plan for that.

You said she was sending explicit photos and videos via discord and that discord is being accessed via the school device.

I assume Discord was being accessed on her phone before we took it away (web browsers and downloading apps was restricted but she probably got around restrictions). I mean I don’t know how it all went down but I know that she accessed discord at school because of the time stamps I saw on the chats and some messages referenced hiding the chat from the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

I mean I assumed this was the answer but this turns into hours (like four?) of me monitoring her every night. No homework shouldn’t take that long but somehow it does for her and whatever she’s doing and it’s so so so easy to click over to discord when my back is turned or I go to the bathroom Maybe that’s the only answer but it’s insane that a parent would have to do that.

Is it taking her hours because she's getting on discord? What happens if you sit next to her and say "I'm going to watch you do your homework, let's start now."

Yeah, you have to micromanage. Keeping your kid safe is important.

I don’t know why it takes her hours. I see a lot of google docs, canvas, Desmos, etc. I just hear “not quite done there’s more I need to do” etc etc and I have no way of knowing if *this* time she’s being honest that there is something she does really need to do.

But of course she still accesses discord at school so even if I didn’t let her use the laptop at home at all she still has access to the chat.

Install monitoring software so you know every keystroke/word.

[Anonymous]

Really, you don't have an IT problem you have a daughter problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, age 14, is chatting a lot and sending explicit photos and videos via discord. The other person is supposedly a 14-year old too but I don’t think I can assume it’s not an adult. I found out because she left her laptop open and I saw the chat. My daughter is very tech savvy and found every way around restrictions. We have taken away her phone but we can’t take away discord. I asked teachers (without mentioning the discord thing) about doing assignments by hand but every little thing requires a one to one device. Oh and grades have gone down the drain since this chatting started. The school laptop is not being used for schoolwork much, apparently.

We’ve talked to our daughter about the dangers of this, etc but she keeps doing it. I can monitor her screen for maybe two hours a night but not six.

I am just at a loss. I am just so upset and sad that discord is such a danger to my daughter and I can’t keep her away from it. Does online sexu@l exploitation of a minor have to be a part of my child’s education?

Anyway, advice?

Seems odd to me that this sounds more focused on getting the IT people to solve your problem rather than dealing with your daughter. Aren't there any other punishments you can enforce? Why don't you want to deal more directly with her, or does it just sound that way here?

I’m happy to do that and if anyone has ideas I’m all ears. I’ve taken away all other devices, had a lot of conversations, spend hours monitoring the screen when she’s at home, I take away the laptop at night, etc.

Take away all electronics unless she is being monitored. Give her a dumb phone. That's where I"d start.

We are past that. She doesn’t have a phone at all now and even if I didn’t let her do homework at all at home she can still use discord st school.

[Anonymous]

https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/360000291932-How-to-Contact-Discord-Safety-for-Parents-and-Guardians

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

I mean I assumed this was the answer but this turns into hours (like four?) of me monitoring her every night. No homework shouldn’t take that long but somehow it does for her and whatever she’s doing and it’s so so so easy to click over to discord when my back is turned or I go to the bathroom Maybe that’s the only answer but it’s insane that a parent would have to do that.

Is it taking her hours because she's getting on discord? What happens if you sit next to her and say "I'm going to watch you do your homework, let's start now."

Yeah, you have to micromanage. Keeping your kid safe is important.

I don’t know why it takes her hours. I see a lot of google docs, canvas, Desmos, etc. I just hear “not quite done there’s more I need to do” etc etc and I have no way of knowing if *this* time she’s being honest that there is something she does really need to do.

But of course she still accesses discord at school so even if I didn’t let her use the laptop at home at all she still has access to the chat.

Install monitoring software so you know every keystroke/word.

She's not gonna be able to install monitoring software on the device without the school's IT getting involved and I don't recommend that because then she'll have to tell IT the problem with the nudes which could open the daughter up to more trouble from school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, age 14, is chatting a lot and sending explicit photos and videos via discord. The other person is supposedly a 14-year old too but I don’t think I can assume it’s not an adult. I found out because she left her laptop open and I saw the chat. My daughter is very tech savvy and found every way around restrictions. We have taken away her phone but we can’t take away discord. I asked teachers (without mentioning the discord thing) about doing assignments by hand but every little thing requires a one to one device. Oh and grades have gone down the drain since this chatting started. The school laptop is not being used for schoolwork much, apparently.

We’ve talked to our daughter about the dangers of this, etc but she keeps doing it. I can monitor her screen for maybe two hours a night but not six.

I am just at a loss. I am just so upset and sad that discord is such a danger to my daughter and I can’t keep her away from it. Does online sexu@l exploitation of a minor have to be a part of my child’s education?

Anyway, advice?

Seems odd to me that this sounds more focused on getting the IT people to solve your problem rather than dealing with your daughter. Aren't there any other punishments you can enforce? Why don't you want to deal more directly with her, or does it just sound that way here?

I’m happy to do that and if anyone has ideas I’m all ears. I’ve taken away all other devices, had a lot of conversations, spend hours monitoring the screen when she’s at home, I take away the laptop at night, etc.

Take away all electronics unless she is being monitored. Give her a dumb phone. That's where I"d start.

We are past that. She doesn’t have a phone at all now and even if I didn’t let her do homework at all at home she can still use discord st school.

Tell her teacher Discord is being used at school and you don't want her on there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/360000291932-How-to-Contact-Discord-Safety-for-Parents-and-Guardians

Oh that’s helpful thanks.

[Anonymous]

In your shoes, I would get your child her own personal laptop to use for schoolwork. You will control what is installed on it, and what controls to put on it, including monitoring software. She will sit at the kitchen table or somewhere public to do her work. WiFi access will be cut off at certain time of night, and the laptop goes into your bedroom to charge. She will have no access to any other electronic devices.

[Anonymous]

What a loon

[Anonymous]

Have you assigned her the task of researching and writing an essay on how sexually explicit pictures are used for things like revenge porn, deep fake images, and in child pornography. Sit with her and help her do her own research. Find the stories of the kids who were shattered and killed themselves when this happened. All of those kids thought they were safe and learned the hard way they were not.

Discord isn't the issue, her risky behavior is the issue. Discord is one mode of risky behavior. There are plenty of others that she can access.