Advice wanted: School laptop and grooming on discord

[Anonymous]

Also: grooming? She's sending nude pics. If the recipient is in fact another tween, nobody is being groomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

+1

This is a HUGE liability for the school. I would emphasize that and ask for a laptop with more advanced security features rather than the same security they give the elementary kids.

They can do more.

In what way is it a liability for the school? I think it should be but I don’t know how it actually is.

Servers store data.

Nothing on the internet is private and child pornography is a crime

We have told her that child pornography is a crime, by the way, and the reason isn’t exactly one of fear and worry like I expected. It’s like she has this overinflated sense of confidence that nothing bad can happen to her. Someone mentioned the police above and I’m at the point where I just think “hey maybe they can get through to her!” But beyond the nudes I just don’t want the chatting to go on at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also: grooming? She's sending nude pics. If the recipient is in fact another tween, nobody is being groomed.

But I don’t know persons age and in the chat he did pressure her to send at first. I mean maybe it’s not grooming but it’s sure as hell disturbing and she wasn’t the instigator.

[Anonymous]

Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

[Anonymous]

My cousin did this and the FBI was calling the very next day about underage nudes. I can't believe the school doesn't already know?

[Anonymous]

Your kid sending nudes of herself is child porn. She can be accused of that. If you know you are complicit. Tell the school discord has to be blocked now or you will contact law enforcement. Hopefully this will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also: grooming? She's sending nude pics. If the recipient is in fact another tween, nobody is being groomed.

That "IF" in your statement os doing dome heavy lifting.

Transmitting child pornography is also a crime, not just enjoying them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

You also can remotely turn off wifi to the computer through lightspeed. I turn it off for my kids when they're at their extracurricular, but they can still play games sadly. I wish I could just turn off the computer remotely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, age 14, is chatting a lot and sending explicit photos and videos via discord. The other person is supposedly a 14-year old too but I don’t think I can assume it’s not an adult. I found out because she left her laptop open and I saw the chat. My daughter is very tech savvy and found every way around restrictions. We have taken away her phone but we can’t take away discord. I asked teachers (without mentioning the discord thing) about doing assignments by hand but every little thing requires a one to one device. Oh and grades have gone down the drain since this chatting started. The school laptop is not being used for schoolwork much, apparently.

We’ve talked to our daughter about the dangers of this, etc but she keeps doing it. I can monitor her screen for maybe two hours a night but not six.

I am just at a loss. I am just so upset and sad that discord is such a danger to my daughter and I can’t keep her away from it. Does online sexu@l exploitation of a minor have to be a part of my child’s education?

Anyway, advice?

Seems odd to me that this sounds more focused on getting the IT people to solve your problem rather than dealing with your daughter. Aren't there any other punishments you can enforce? Why don't you want to deal more directly with her, or does it just sound that way here?

I’m happy to do that and if anyone has ideas I’m all ears. I’ve taken away all other devices, had a lot of conversations, spend hours monitoring the screen when she’s at home, I take away the laptop at night, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

+1

This is a HUGE liability for the school. I would emphasize that and ask for a laptop with more advanced security features rather than the same security they give the elementary kids.

They can do more.

In what way is it a liability for the school? I think it should be but I don’t know how it actually is.

Servers store data.

Nothing on the internet is private and child pornography is a crime

We have told her that child pornography is a crime, by the way, and the reason isn’t exactly one of fear and worry like I expected. It’s like she has this overinflated sense of confidence that nothing bad can happen to her. Someone mentioned the police above and I’m at the point where I just think “hey maybe they can get through to her!” But beyond the nudes I just don’t want the chatting to go on at all.

Your child's level of understanding and will power will not keep her safe

You are depending on that too much. When a young kid gets to the point of sending nudes, they are no longer capable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

+1

This is a HUGE liability for the school. I would emphasize that and ask for a laptop with more advanced security features rather than the same security they give the elementary kids.

They can do more.

In what way is it a liability for the school? I think it should be but I don’t know how it actually is.

Servers store data.

Nothing on the internet is private and child pornography is a crime

We have told her that child pornography is a crime, by the way, and the reason isn’t exactly one of fear and worry like I expected. It’s like she has this overinflated sense of confidence that nothing bad can happen to her. Someone mentioned the police above and I’m at the point where I just think “hey maybe they can get through to her!” But beyond the nudes I just don’t want the chatting to go on at all.

I mean, to be fair, the police very rarely charge teen girls who send nudes with child pornography manufacturing. That's a scare tactic to get kids to not do it - the only time I've ever heard of them threatening it seriously, they needed information from the girl who wasn't cooperating.

They are more likely to charge a teen boy with distribution for showing his school than they are a girl with manufacturing and distributing for taking and sending.

You should tell her that the nudes are visible to her school's creepy IT guy and see if that changes her tune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

I mean I assumed this was the answer but this turns into hours (like four?) of me monitoring her every night. No homework shouldn’t take that long but somehow it does for her and whatever she’s doing and it’s so so so easy to click over to discord when my back is turned or I go to the bathroom Maybe that’s the only answer but it’s insane that a parent would have to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the school not see what's being done on the school device? Her sending nudes would be like me sending nudes on my work computer - the IT guy can see it.

I would at least nip that in the bud.

Can they see everything in the discord chat? I assume the images were being sent on her phone and not the school device (before we took away the phone) but I don’t know.

Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you need to get it together.

Your child is sending nudes to someone you're not even sure is a fellow child and you're just like "Well, I think they were sent on her phone but they were also sent over discord on her school tablet."

Figure it out. Come up with a plan.

[Anonymous]

The answer is you tell her that if she keeps it up you'll have to go to school about the naked pics and then she'll be in trouble with both you AND the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change your wifi password? If she needs the laptop for homework, enter the password for her and be in the room.

I mean I assumed this was the answer but this turns into hours (like four?) of me monitoring her every night. No homework shouldn’t take that long but somehow it does for her and whatever she’s doing and it’s so so so easy to click over to discord when my back is turned or I go to the bathroom Maybe that’s the only answer but it’s insane that a parent would have to do that.

Is it taking her hours because she's getting on discord? What happens if you sit next to her and say "I'm going to watch you do your homework, let's start now."

Yeah, you have to micromanage. Keeping your kid safe is important.