Ds unhappy at college

[Anonymous]

You want him to join a frat? That's a great idea. Nothing helps dealing with loneliness than being drunk!! Nice going mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:once he sleeps with another girl he will forget her.

High school relationships don't work out for most people in college que the I married my high school sweetheart people,

You must be a #boymom. I think op should have him talk to someone about his feelings. Sometimes being unhappy brings self awareness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GF is the problem and this will not fix til they break up.

His choice is he comes home and goes to community college or transfers to another four year university but not the one she is at. He must do all the work for the transfer or starting at CC.

This is a very common problem OP.

It is unfortunate and it sucks.

Girlfriend is not the problem. Why can't he stand up to her? Start there. But he sounds like a kid who doesn't drink so I don't know why a frat would work

[Anonymous]

This^. Instead of suggesting counseling and club activities, you want him to breakup with a person he loves and join frat bro parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we assuming GF is the problem. She is against hazing and frats, most sensible people are.

If it were the bf telling her not to pledge a sorority because of drinking and hazing, people would scream he was controlling her.

+1000

She doesn't care about the drinking and hazing. She cares about the girls.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the replies, but I would encourage him to rush and see if it feels right. He will know whether it’s a good fit and can then decide. Tell him that he has to do what is right for him to thrive at college and surely his gf will support his well-being.

[Anonymous]

You don't have an unhappy at college problem you have a why is my son in a toxic relationship with someone who is controlling and jealous problem. Identifying and working on the real problem, to the extent you have influence, will solve your college problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This^. Instead of suggesting counseling and club activities, you want him to breakup with a person he loves and join frat bro parties.

If that's your take I don't think you read anything I wrote. I've encouraged him to join clubs since before he even started in the fall and continue to do that. He's not found one that really worked so far, and part of that has been because of the girlfriend because he wants to spend time with her and isn't immersing himself into college life as much due to her. So my issue with the girlfriend is not breaking up or not: We like the girlfriend and include her a lot. It's the jealousy and focusing on the relationship rather than college that is the issue, because right now he is miserable without a social group.

As for frats, I've also explicitely stated that he's not interested at all in the heavy drinking ones and we had talks about it. But I do think he should see all the frats for himself because I know that out of the 30+ some are not focused on drinking and don't haze, and I think he'd benefit from having a good group of friends IF he wants to join, which, just like the girlfriend stuff, is his decision and not mine...

[Anonymous]

Frats have a terrible record of drinking, drugs, hazing, hookups, rape, assaults, pranks etc so who can blame his girlfriend. However, not everyone has to join fraternities, there are lots of other ways to make friends, get involved and develop professional opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Aren't there any intramural sports, professional clubs, residential college association, volunteer, research, theater, political, music, religion, language related groups etc?

[Anonymous]

Get a job at college cafe. Great way to build a social network.

[Anonymous]

He should invite his GF to visit his school and visit her school so both get to know each other's world and can be more comfortable and supportive of each other's activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't there any intramural sports, professional clubs, residential college association, volunteer, research, theater, political, music, religion, language related groups etc?

Yes he has tried a couple of those but he says they tend to be an hour here and there and he has not met a ton of people through them. The difference with the frats is they have many more social events. My understanding is that the most popular ones are the drinking ones but not all of them are like that.

[Anonymous]

They are only 18-19 just trying to figure out their social and academic spheres so blaming his GF for every problem is a bit excessive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:once he sleeps with another girl he will forget her.

I think this is it. He is likely tempted by other girls and other guy friends are “hooking up” and he is torn. (I doubt he’d admit this to this mom though)

My freshman has the opposite problem. She is a late bloomer and naïve, but was expecting to find her significant other at college, but says she doesn’t trust a lot of guys because it Seems that all are willing to cheat on their long distance SO.