Do your in-laws attend college graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my FIL will be attending. Probably more extended family too. My dc is glad to have all of the support and we will have big dinner somewhere for everyone including those who don't have ceremony tickets.

There will be a big dinner for the college graduates and their freinds and their parents and siblings. College graduate wants to be with his friends. He does not want to go out alone with grandparents and us (parents). He wants to be with all of his friends and their parents/ siblings.

There is no reason your inlaws can't come to this. Use your head, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my FIL will be attending. Probably more extended family too. My dc is glad to have all of the support and we will have big dinner somewhere for everyone including those who don't have ceremony tickets.

There will be a big dinner for the college graduates and their freinds and their parents and siblings. College graduate wants to be with his friends. He does not want to go out alone with grandparents and us (parents). He wants to be with all of his friends and their parents/ siblings.

Well he can do that. Doesn't stop the inlaws from coming. As long as they know what to expect who cares if they come.

Husband has no sense of what is expected or normal. He is a parent pleaser and will spend the entire weekend catering to them instead of to our son and to what we should be doing as the parents. He will insist on driving over to pick up parents, take them to events, spend time talking to them, instead of focusing on our son and his freinds. Happened last event they attended.

What does he say when you tell him all this?

That she hates his parents? He probably tries to please her, as he does them, by saying "yeah they suck but it's my parents." The concept that he might enjoy seeing them is apparently impossible.

They are not very nice to me the op so yes it makes it not fun to have them around. Mother in law in passive aggressive so yes not fun to have them around. It is like walking on egg shells.

Yeah but it's not really about you it's about the graduate and you won't be as involved as you think you will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my FIL will be attending. Probably more extended family too. My dc is glad to have all of the support and we will have big dinner somewhere for everyone including those who don't have ceremony tickets.

There will be a big dinner for the college graduates and their freinds and their parents and siblings. College graduate wants to be with his friends. He does not want to go out alone with grandparents and us (parents). He wants to be with all of his friends and their parents/ siblings.

Well he can do that. Doesn't stop the inlaws from coming. As long as they know what to expect who cares if they come.

Husband has no sense of what is expected or normal. He is a parent pleaser and will spend the entire weekend catering to them instead of to our son and to what we should be doing as the parents. He will insist on driving over to pick up parents, take them to events, spend time talking to them, instead of focusing on our son and his freinds. Happened last event they attended.

What does he say when you tell him all this?

That she hates his parents? He probably tries to please her, as he does them, by saying "yeah they suck but it's my parents." The concept that he might enjoy seeing them is apparently impossible.

They are not very nice to me the op so yes it makes it not fun to have them around. Mother in law in passive aggressive so yes not fun to have them around. It is like walking on egg shells.

Well that's the bottom line, you don't like them, and maybe you have good reasons, so you want them at the minimum possible events and you see their presence as ruining that event. I get that feeling. I feel bad now for being snarky about you (I'm the PP).

I think what you want is for people to reply and say that grandparents attending graduations isn't normal so that you can tell your husband it's not done that way and he will agree with you, but it's fairly common to invite them, if space is available. So you really need to go with what DC wants, or tell your DH directly your weekend will be ruined with them there, which I gather you don't want to do.

[Anonymous]

I understand the annoyance if they are people who take up a lot of “air in the room” and effort. My IL’s are the same way. They need constant attention from DH. If there were limited tickets to the graduation itself and they couldn’t attend, I’m pretty sure my IL’s would make my husband sit with them at the house or hotel. It makes these kind of events stressful. No advice, just sympathizing with you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my ILs attended for kid 1 but we did have tickets for them. It was fine. If no tix for kid 2, we might suggest an alternative celebration.

[Anonymous]

Yes my in-laws attended my son’s graduation.

Lots of grandparents go there were even special instructions for grandparents and wheelchairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my FIL will be attending. Probably more extended family too. My dc is glad to have all of the support and we will have big dinner somewhere for everyone including those who don't have ceremony tickets.

There will be a big dinner for the college graduates and their freinds and their parents and siblings. College graduate wants to be with his friends. He does not want to go out alone with grandparents and us (parents). He wants to be with all of his friends and their parents/ siblings.

Well he can do that. Doesn't stop the inlaws from coming. As long as they know what to expect who cares if they come.

Husband has no sense of what is expected or normal. He is a parent pleaser and will spend the entire weekend catering to them instead of to our son and to what we should be doing as the parents. He will insist on driving over to pick up parents, take them to events, spend time talking to them, instead of focusing on our son and his freinds. Happened last event they attended.

When my DS graduated last spring, he really had no interest in spending time with me and DH either. He wanted to be with his friends.

We brought his 2 living grandparents and his sibling with us to graduation. I asked DS to make time for one family meal. We ended up having a very nice celebratory lunch. Graduation was in the football stadium, so tickets were available for all of us. If it had rained and graduation was moved indoors, the plan was for DH and I to attend and my parents and other DC to go out for dinner and a movie.

My parents are 79/81, so we had to be aware of some limitations. But we all enjoy spending time with my parents and celebrating DS's graduation felt like a family thing-- and they're very much a part of our family. I was really glad they were there. But we didn't actually spend much time with DS or his friends, nor did I expect that.

[Anonymous]

All grandparents attended my kids' college graduations. I love the memories and the photos. All kids were very close to their grandparents (only 1 is still alive).

[Anonymous]

If the grandparents are physically able to handle all the walking from the parking lot to the graduation venue, I would include them. If outdoors, can they handle the elements (scorching sun). I don’t know what college this is, but neither of kids had a dinner for the students. We made a restaurant reservations. Be aware that some small college town hotels will only book 2 nights vs 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and siblings just attended my graduation. Grandparents were either older or deceased and did not attend and would not have traveled to attend. My in-laws are very pushy and want to attend but many of the events are for the graduates and their parents (us) and siblings only. I do not hear of too many grandparents attending the weekend events. Question - what percentage of you have grandparents attend college graduation? Mind you they would be traveling a long distance and do not know anyone in said town which means husband would end up having to entertain them all weekend for every meal, etc...

Only parents - the reality is graduations are long and boring, no one really wants to attend. ILs should stay home with siblings, and if they want to see the graduate walk across the stage and receive their diploma, watch the livestream

[Anonymous]

I'm sure my parents and in-laws will want to come. Both sets are far (long car ride and long train ride) away but I'm surprised you think they'd not want to come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my FIL will be attending. Probably more extended family too. My dc is glad to have all of the support and we will have big dinner somewhere for everyone including those who don't have ceremony tickets.

There will be a big dinner for the college graduates and their freinds and their parents and siblings. College graduate wants to be with his friends. He does not want to go out alone with grandparents and us (parents). He wants to be with all of his friends and their parents/ siblings.

Does your son even really want you and his siblings there?

[Anonymous]

I say the more the merrier if any family member wants to come assuming tickets are available. But my in-laws will not come to my college senior’s graduation or that of my HS senior. They are not involved (their choice). To be fair though, my dad (mom has passed) also won’t be in attendance. He states he can’t sit through them. My kids and their cousins have been disappointed by his absence but I also know he has a wonderful relationship otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my FIL will be attending. Probably more extended family too. My dc is glad to have all of the support and we will have big dinner somewhere for everyone including those who don't have ceremony tickets.

There will be a big dinner for the college graduates and their freinds and their parents and siblings. College graduate wants to be with his friends. He does not want to go out alone with grandparents and us (parents). He wants to be with all of his friends and their parents/ siblings.

Well he can do that. Doesn't stop the inlaws from coming. As long as they know what to expect who cares if they come.

Husband has no sense of what is expected or normal. He is a parent pleaser and will spend the entire weekend catering to them instead of to our son and to what we should be doing as the parents. He will insist on driving over to pick up parents, take them to events, spend time talking to them, instead of focusing on our son and his freinds. Happened last event they attended.

Tell your husband that it is your strong preference that they do NOT attend. If he still insists then I would tell him you will not be doing a single thing to prepare and host them while they are in town. You will drive separately from him and them and will be focused solely on your graduating child to ensure he gets all of your attention and energy. Would your husband have an issue with that?

[Anonymous]

Of course they did! Then we went out for a celebratory lunch and I went to a party with friends in the evening, then hung out with family the next day