Do you give visting family a "tour" of your home?

[Anonymous]

Yes, we have always done this at others houses and always give a tour at ours. I think people just generally like to have a sense of the space they are staying in. Whats above and below. We don't go in bedrooms usually but just point out where everything is. For others, it is just curiosity to see the homes of others - and there are whole magazines and TV shows that do this!

We are more lower middle class and no one is showing off a mansion so maybe it is just a thing for our class of people!

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear, the guests didn’t ask for a tour, the MIL offered it like the OP’s home was hers.

[Anonymous]

My brother’s new girlfriend is an interior designer. They stayed with us over Xmas in our basement flat. She asked several times to see our upstairs/second floor not main (bedrooms and bathrooms in a row house) so she could offer advice on our upcoming remodel. Since the upstairs was filled with all the downstairs clutter for holiday hosting, and she was complaining about clients who buy “Home Depot” kitchens in our Home Depot kitchen, we declined her offer and the tour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my home is a 350 sf 1 bed apartment, so I just tell people "you have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door". But otherwise they can see everything there is to see from the front door.

You're obviously single and living in NYC so what the hell are you doing on this website?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have always done this at others houses and always give a tour at ours. I think people just generally like to have a sense of the space they are staying in. Whats above and below. We don't go in bedrooms usually but just point out where everything is. For others, it is just curiosity to see the homes of others - and there are whole magazines and TV shows that do this!

We are more lower middle class and no one is showing off a mansion so maybe it is just a thing for our class of people!

I think it is a MC thing. MIL and her side are MC Irish Catholics who did well just holding onto CA real estate while FIL and my family were all run of the mill UMC wasps. It always felt weird when MIL and her gazillion siblings would expect a tour and barge through the house, They go into bedrooms and bathrooms. One even insisted on going up into the attic over the garage exclaiming how it could be turned into a great rental unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the holidays we unexpectedly had some members of DH's extended family come to our house for the first time (we've lived here for 14 years). From the second they walked into the house (two separate arrival times), MIL kept telling me to give them a tour. I ignored her as much as I could and was successful with the first group that arrived, but then she started up again when the second group got there, and it just became awkward so I caved. We live in a nice home, but it is not some sort of palatial estate. We have an open floor plan. If you stand in our family room and do a 360, then walk 10 paces to the half bathroom - you've seen the whole first floor. I the't offer to take them into bedrooms, but we went to the basement, which is largely a space for our kids minus one room. Generally I felt very silly walking them around and I'm sure it showed.

Unless I'd signed up to be a show house on a home tour, it would never cross my mind that someone would be interesting in "touring" our house. It feels pretentious to suggest they would, but am I off base?

I think it's flattering your MIL wants to show off your house, but really inappropriate to expect someone to be ready to give am unexpected tour to unexpected guests.

My house is historic with period furnishings. I've never agreed to participate in those community home tours, but am usually willing to show it to anyone with a serious interest. Even so, I gauge the level of interest. Do they just want to just walk through? We zip along. Do they stop and look closely? I answer all their questions.

I love interesting homes, and am always delighted to be offered a tour, but never, ever ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my home is a 350 sf 1 bed apartment, so I just tell people "you have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door". But otherwise they can see everything there is to see from the front door.

You're obviously single and living in NYC so what the hell are you doing on this website?

We welcome people from all over the world, except for YOU, nasty one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have always done this with visiting family and they give us a tour when we visit them for the first time. It’s always been the same whether in a 1 br apt or big house. I also think it’s perfectly normal/ understandable not to do this - mil was weird for insisting.

Same – people are curious. And when an area is a mess, I will keep the door closed and say that. It's weird to insist, but not weird to ask.

No, some people are not curious. You've got to drill that into your thick head. I do not want to shuffle after you, oohing and aahing, while we walk about your very bland home. There are nosy people of course. Maybe those need even less of a glimpse of your home. Otherwise you'll find them rooting around in the drawers, like my aunt does at my mother's house.

You're a delight. I'm sure you're smart enough to realize that the people who are NOT curious will NOT ask for a tour. Some people ARE curious. I would never ask for a tour of someone's home, but I am not all people. And neither are you. Quiet down.

The problem is that if you offer a tour, people don't like to decline, because that would essentially be saying "I don't find your home interesting enough". So even though a subset of people may be curious, a good host does not offer a tour (and of course guests should never ask). The nosy people will just have to stay unsatisfied.

Unless the home is of historic significance. That's different.

[Anonymous]

My MIL did this with my house and her extended family! In my case, we had just renovated and recently moved back in, so I get that she was excited to show off the improvements. But it was a total mess, only partially furnished, boxes still spilling out all over. I was really embarrassed and the family members were also embarrassed, they could tell I was uncomfortable with it and I don’t think they really cared about our renovations anyway. They stopped for lunch with my ILs and were just driving thru, I didn’t even know them and they weren’t coming over to hang out. Just awkwardly walk thru my messy house!

In your case, I would have said something like ‘oh MIL, they can see the whole house from here, no need for a tour!’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my home is a 350 sf 1 bed apartment, so I just tell people "you have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door". But otherwise they can see everything there is to see from the front door.

You're obviously single and living in NYC so what the hell are you doing on this website?

I don't live in NYC. And btw, in my building there are only studios and 1 beds, and plenty of families live in the studios. FYI, Jeff, the creator of this website, has said people from all over are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well my home is a 350 sf 1 bed apartment, so I just tell people "you have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door". But otherwise they can see everything there is to see from the front door.

You're obviously single and living in NYC so what the hell are you doing on this website?

I don't live in NYC. And btw, in my building there are only studios and 1 beds, and plenty of families live in the studios. FYI, Jeff, the creator of this website, has said people from all over are welcome.

That's right. PP is a disgusting POS.

[Anonymous]

No.

DH likes to do this though including showing them inside closets. We grew up in NYC where there really wasn’t such a thing as a walk in closet so they do feel like a luxury but no one needs to see them, with my laundry basket and likely clothes crumpled on the floor etc!

[Anonymous]

I'm an immigrant and we don't do this in my home country. When I had my kids and playmates' parents wanted a tour of my home, it felt awkward. Some really wanted to see all the bedrooms and bathrooms. Luckily now kids are teens and young people don't ask for a tour, just where the closest bathroom is!

[Anonymous]

It’s not a big deal OP. I’m an immigrant. This is coming in our culture. We do a tour of the person is visiting from out of the country and are curious what American SFH look like. I have recruited a tour for house warming parties. We also did them when we finished our basement and folks were interested. We don’t do tours for regular visits. Our house is pretty basic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant and we don't do this in my home country. When I had my kids and playmates' parents wanted a tour of my home, it felt awkward. Some really wanted to see all the bedrooms and bathrooms. Luckily now kids are teens and young people don't ask for a tour, just where the closest bathroom is!

See, if only you'd given them the tour they wouldn't need to ask where the bathrooms are.