Do you give visting family a "tour" of your home?

[Anonymous]

My family has a castle in our European home country. Sometimes my aunt would give an informal tour to guests/visitors - I remember following along as a kid.

I'm not sure why anyone would want a tour of a normal, middle class home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have always done this with visiting family and they give us a tour when we visit them for the first time. It’s always been the same whether in a 1 br apt or big house. I also think it’s perfectly normal/ understandable not to do this - mil was weird for insisting.

That's just ridiculous. It's always rude to ask for a tour. A homeowner can suggest a tour, of course, but that is super weird. Like, do they think their house is museum-worthy that their guests would want a tour? No. I'm not interested in your home.

I am the tour poster- I guess we are all very close. We have lived in a lot of different places, but even in our starter crappy places, my aunts and siblings and parents and ILs were excited to see where we were living and proud we were starting our adult lives. Maybe it's in part that we've always lived in different states, so our family members always at least spend the night? But I have been in all the rooms of their houses and apartments, also ranging from dinky to palatial. It is not about thinking a home is museum worthy. Even now, I can think of over 10 adult friends (and plenty of their kids) who have seen my bedroom with an unmade bed. Those occasions were not part of a tour and I'm always mildly embarrassed for someone to see it like that, but it happens.

[Anonymous]

^ We never refer to it as a "tour." And we have never invited anyone to look all around our house. But it's more like people ask for a layout and are curious to see things. If I said, "Oh that room's a mess, don't go in there" - no one would be offended or try to push it. Again - I'm also talking about family members here, not overnight guests generally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have always done this with visiting family and they give us a tour when we visit them for the first time. It’s always been the same whether in a 1 br apt or big house. I also think it’s perfectly normal/ understandable not to do this - mil was weird for insisting.

That's just ridiculous. It's always rude to ask for a tour. A homeowner can suggest a tour, of course, but that is super weird. Like, do they think their house is museum-worthy that their guests would want a tour? No. I'm not interested in your home.

I am the tour poster- I guess we are all very close. We have lived in a lot of different places, but even in our starter crappy places, my aunts and siblings and parents and ILs were excited to see where we were living and proud we were starting our adult lives. Maybe it's in part that we've always lived in different states, so our family members always at least spend the night? But I have been in all the rooms of their houses and apartments, also ranging from dinky to palatial. It is not about thinking a home is museum worthy. Even now, I can think of over 10 adult friends (and plenty of their kids) who have seen my bedroom with an unmade bed. Those occasions were not part of a tour and I'm always mildly embarrassed for someone to see it like that, but it happens.

Thanks for explaining, but it still doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me. I guess you come from a family of people who want to see all that.

[Anonymous]

I give tours if someone asks and I dont mind in the moment but too often, I regret it because people start opening drawers and cabinets or snooping into the closet and I would not do that to someone else but I've learned not to ascribe my tolerance for decent behaviors to others. I even had someone gossip about an item in my closet that was simply there for being an odd size and thats where I had room but they made it something sexual and odd, which it was 100% not! Not that I would judge that but I dont like that people think incorrectly about me, I know I need to get over it but its bothered me for ages.

[Anonymous]

It's a generational thing. Our parents did it more. I do not think it's for the host's benefit, it's for the guest's benefit. They are curious. But that doesn't mean they can get a tour, just because they'd like one.

Some host have particular things of interest they'd like to show off. Maybe of common interest. That's sort of a nice in-between. The more someone see of another's home, the more intimate the experience feels. You certainly feel you know the family more.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I get the southern thing that a PP mentioned b/c my mom was a debutante from South Carolina, but my MIL has always been the more informal and casual of the two so the pushiness was bothersome. I will survive, but I wish she would have done a better job picking up on my discomfort.

[Anonymous]

Well my home is a 350 sf 1 bed apartment, so I just tell people "you have to straddle the toilet to close the bathroom door". But otherwise they can see everything there is to see from the front door.

[Anonymous]

We had a Christmas party once a couple months after we moved in and with small children and a full time job I barely had time to make the first floor acceptable but definitely not decorated. That meant the 2nd floor had everything I needed to hide and my room was a mess from trying to get ready quickly. My husband insisted on giving everyone a tour!!! I was so embarrassed. He was just so excited about having a house and I guess he doesn’t care about aesthetics

[Anonymous]

No, I would roll my eyes so hard on the inside if someone offered me a tour. Even my very proper southern MIL with a tour-worthy home would never do this. Guests are funneled directly to the living room to sit and converse. No tour necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is curious about a house their relatives live in so much they ned a tour. This is very MC.

Not MC. Back in the day, this was very typical in our UMC burb.

As a pp notes "But I do remember being tasked as a young kid to give tours of our house to guests, so I think it is something that was common in prior generations."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have always done this with visiting family and they give us a tour when we visit them for the first time. It’s always been the same whether in a 1 br apt or big house. I also think it’s perfectly normal/ understandable not to do this - mil was weird for insisting.

Same – people are curious. And when an area is a mess, I will keep the door closed and say that. It's weird to insist, but not weird to ask.

No, some people are not curious. You've got to drill that into your thick head. I do not want to shuffle after you, oohing and aahing, while we walk about your very bland home. There are nosy people of course. Maybe those need even less of a glimpse of your home. Otherwise you'll find them rooting around in the drawers, like my aunt does at my mother's house.

You're a delight. I'm sure you're smart enough to realize that the people who are NOT curious will NOT ask for a tour. Some people ARE curious. I would never ask for a tour of someone's home, but I am not all people. And neither are you. Quiet down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give tours if someone asks and I dont mind in the moment but too often, I regret it because people start opening drawers and cabinets or snooping into the closet and I would not do that to someone else but I've learned not to ascribe my tolerance for decent behaviors to others. I even had someone gossip about an item in my closet that was simply there for being an odd size and thats where I had room but they made it something sexual and odd, which it was 100% not! Not that I would judge that but I dont like that people think incorrectly about me, I know I need to get over it but its bothered me for ages.

Very rude..

[Anonymous]

I don't do that but my house is very normal, like a blah burb house. I like it but it's not remotely worthy of a tour so it would not make sense to show it. I have been in the homes of many wealthy people and they gave tours automatically without anyone asking, like I'd want to see their house.

[Anonymous]

I love to and am a bit bummed if they don't want a tour of my house. I especially love showing my cute kids' rooms.