unsolicited advice from an experienced parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got two kids into top schools ED (no I won't name them). I have so much knowledge floating around in my head that I'm now done with. Want to hear it? Read on. Don't want it? Scroll on by.

Here you go -

Nurture the kid's interests, help them get involved in at least one thing they love. Make suggestions. Encourage involvement and exploration. Research opportunities. But don't force a particular activity or interest. You should be guided what they want to do.

They should take the most rigorous classes if they want top schools, but only if they want to and they can handle them.

Don't pressure them to get top grades. But do get them support if grades go below a B. One of my kids was a straight A student and put this pressure on themself. The other had a couple of Bs early on. One kid needed a tutor after Covid.

They have to want to go to a top college. It's not your college journey. Visit some top colleges and see what they think. Does it appeal to them? In the end, you can encourage and offer them opportunities but you can't make them if they don't respond. It's not healthy to push something they don't want to do. So don't. Mental health is more important than where they go to college.

Get them tutoring or a class for standardized prep if you can afford to and if you have their buy in. I offered to pay for tutoring for both but only if they committed to doing the work. They both said yes, so both did tutoring with good results.

Take the ACT or the SAT but not both. Take practice tests to see which one they prefer and do better on, then just focus prep on that one test.

Take the ACT/SAT early and do the prep the summer before jr year. This only works if they have taken enough math, which advanced track kids generally do. This leaves more than enough time to take it again if needed. My kids were so thankful to get it out of the way early and then you know the scores so you can develop a college list accordingly.

Visit schools casually starting the end of sophomore year to determine what appeals to them, such as big vs small, rural vs urban, part of country, etc. You can visit schools in your own area or add visits onto family vacations.

Start early in order to be in a position to apply ED because some schools give a big advantage. Also it's awesome to be done so early.

Be involved. I did a lot of work researching a college list for both kids. Then we also edited essays and the entire app. Looked at every app before they submitted it. Tracked deadlines.

Agree with almost everything (as a parent who got a kid who wasn't very self driven into an elite university)

Be involved is critical - don't leave it up to them, they have no idea.

I disagree with leaving advanced classes, ec's and volunteer up to the child with your guidance. We required volunteer work every summer. We required multiple ec's every year (child pushed back but ultimately did it. Sometimes half heartedly). We encouraged AP classes and set standard of A's. If they didn't meet it, fine, but to everyone's surprise, they did. Setting very high expectations early in HS is critical. Kid never saw themselves as a top student but ended up becoming one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Nurture the kid's interests, help them get involved in at least one thing they love. Make suggestions. Encourage involvement and exploration. Research opportunities. But don't force a particular activity or interest. You should be guided what they want to do.

They should take the most rigorous classes if they want top schools, but only if they want to and they can handle them.

Don't pressure them to get top grades. But do get them support if grades go below a B. One of my kids was a straight A student and put this pressure on themself. The other had a couple of Bs early on. One kid needed a tutor after Covid.

I have one in college, one graduate. The first two are too contrived. All three are for them to figure out. If you take the lead on #3, your kids won't be able to cope in college without mommy.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting OP. Our oldest just got in REA, a super talented kid who I believed would thrive in a top school studying his area of interest. But not very suited for the grind of high school. Thankfully teachers and counselor recognised his talent and his awards, coupled with support behind the scenes at home and he made it through HS with almost all As. Not necessarily the most rigorous, and that didn't seem to matter at all.

I've been following dcurbanmom throughout the past four years, and so many times I felt discouraged that DC didn't have the right number of APs or the right math track, etc. But we stuck to what we believed (and he stayed true to himself), and he ended up at his top choice.

[Anonymous]

Two kids. Two different ivies. Unhooked. One got into multiple T10/ivy. If they are truly ready for that type of experience, there will be little that needs to be done by the parent besides pay the bills and drive/fly to tours if possible.

They have to want to take the most rigorous courses: they have to need it, in a way, to be fulfilled and challenged. That cannot be pushed by parents. If they need a tutor to stay in the highest level courses, they do not belong at a T10/ivy because they will be bottom 1/2 there. Natural intellectual curiosity and academic talent leads to stellar LORs, a few of which they were sent afterwards: the best-in-many-years type.

They have to be organized to juggle all the apps: no portal logins by parents, no reminders of due dates or interviews, or surprise essays. Cultivating homework independence and ability to communicate with teachers before they entered the 6th grade was the key.

They have to care about at least two things outside of school: our job was be the driver and to encourage them to try music or sports or theater, one at a time, from a young age. Then they pick what they want to continue.

No help with essays/apps, either. If they are creative writers they will have no problem with them.

For us, we knew they would thrive at schools they got themselves into, and handle the inevitable bumps much better if they knew they did it themselves. Underqualified students (compared to the average talent there) are present but not common at their ivies, and it typically does not go well.

[Anonymous]

Another BTDT parent. Have kids that naturally have a high IQ. Don't have kids with ADHD or LDs. That also helps tremendously. If your kids were not lucky enough to have a high IQ and have ADHD/LDs, then the above advice does not apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two kids. Two different ivies. Unhooked. One got into multiple T10/ivy. If they are truly ready for that type of experience, there will be little that needs to be done by the parent besides pay the bills and drive/fly to tours if possible.

They have to want to take the most rigorous courses: they have to need it, in a way, to be fulfilled and challenged. That cannot be pushed by parents. If they need a tutor to stay in the highest level courses, they do not belong at a T10/ivy because they will be bottom 1/2 there. Natural intellectual curiosity and academic talent leads to stellar LORs, a few of which they were sent afterwards: the best-in-many-years type.

They have to be organized to juggle all the apps: no portal logins by parents, no reminders of due dates or interviews, or surprise essays. Cultivating homework independence and ability to communicate with teachers before they entered the 6th grade was the key.

They have to care about at least two things outside of school: our job was be the driver and to encourage them to try music or sports or theater, one at a time, from a young age. Then they pick what they want to continue.

No help with essays/apps, either. If they are creative writers they will have no problem with them.

For us, we knew they would thrive at schools they got themselves into, and handle the inevitable bumps much better if they knew they did it themselves. Underqualified students (compared to the average talent there) are present but not common at their ivies, and it typically does not go well.

Can't agree more. I want my child to strive for authentic success. Life is long.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting, but very little value in what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Cornell & Michigan ???

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, you are unbelievable. You say YOU got your kids into top colleges. Really? You think it was YOU and not them? Pathetic. Are you related to Trump?

[Anonymous]

The kids have to want it. The parents can only do so much.

[Anonymous]

I have a high IQ student with ADHD and social anxiety that got themselves into a non-ivy top 10 unhooked.

They had to decide that it was worth it and see the path and do the work. They had an EF coach early on in high school, about two years total but stopped mid junior year.

My tip, help the kid tell their story and how it is a match to the school and their intended major. It is fine to change majors in college, but that is once they get in. Your student needs to align all that they have done (EC’s, activism, research, etc) with the values they are highlighting in their essays and what they say they want to study.

Don’t apply to an elite school undecided. To the extent your student has a unique spin on their intended major, make that pitch. If your student has all the qualifications remember that many others do as well, this about why your student is a memorable unicorn.

And for what it is worth, DC did not have 4 years of languages. They explained it in their application, but they only went through French 3 and 2 years of that was in middle school. The sky did not fall because they were competitive in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, you are unbelievable. You say YOU got your kids into top colleges. Really? You think it was YOU and not them? Pathetic. Are you related to Trump?

yes, parents can do a lot to help their kids or not, that's the point of the post. if you don't want to do any of it, scroll on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for posting, but very little value in what you wrote.

thanks for squashing my motivation to help others. we're done here. happy with yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cornell & Michigan ???

I mean, I think we’d all be loving a little Cornell right now.

Don’t be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got two kids into top schools ED (no I won't name them). I have so much knowledge floating around in my head that I'm now done with. Want to hear it? Read on. Don't want it? Scroll on by.

Here you go -

Nurture the kid's interests, help them get involved in at least one thing they love. Make suggestions. Encourage involvement and exploration. Research opportunities. But don't force a particular activity or interest. You should be guided what they want to do.

They should take the most rigorous classes if they want top schools, but only if they want to and they can handle them.

Don't pressure them to get top grades. But do get them support if grades go below a B. One of my kids was a straight A student and put this pressure on themself. The other had a couple of Bs early on. One kid needed a tutor after Covid.

They have to want to go to a top college. It's not your college journey. Visit some top colleges and see what they think. Does it appeal to them? In the end, you can encourage and offer them opportunities but you can't make them if they don't respond. It's not healthy to push something they don't want to do. So don't. Mental health is more important than where they go to college.

Get them tutoring or a class for standardized prep if you can afford to and if you have their buy in. I offered to pay for tutoring for both but only if they committed to doing the work. They both said yes, so both did tutoring with good results.

Take the ACT or the SAT but not both. Take practice tests to see which one they prefer and do better on, then just focus prep on that one test.

Take the ACT/SAT early and do the prep the summer before jr year. This only works if they have taken enough math, which advanced track kids generally do. This leaves more than enough time to take it again if needed. My kids were so thankful to get it out of the way early and then you know the scores so you can develop a college list accordingly.

Visit schools casually starting the end of sophomore year to determine what appeals to them, such as big vs small, rural vs urban, part of country, etc. You can visit schools in your own area or add visits onto family vacations.

Start early in order to be in a position to apply ED because some schools give a big advantage. Also it's awesome to be done so early.

Be involved. I did a lot of work researching a college list for both kids. Then we also edited essays and the entire app. Looked at every app before they submitted it. Tracked deadlines.

Agree with almost everything (as a parent who got a kid who wasn't very self driven into an elite university)

Be involved is critical - don't leave it up to them, they have no idea.

I disagree with leaving advanced classes, ec's and volunteer up to the child with your guidance. We required volunteer work every summer. We required multiple ec's every year (child pushed back but ultimately did it. Sometimes half heartedly). We encouraged AP classes and set standard of A's. If they didn't meet it, fine, but to everyone's surprise, they did. Setting very high expectations early in HS is critical. Kid never saw themselves as a top student but ended up becoming one.

This was our family.
1 at Ivy, 1 at T10.

Neither really that material. Private HS helped.