unsolicited advice from an experienced parent

[Anonymous]

I got two kids into top schools ED (no I won't name them). I have so much knowledge floating around in my head that I'm now done with. Want to hear it? Read on. Don't want it? Scroll on by.

Here you go -

Nurture the kid's interests, help them get involved in at least one thing they love. Make suggestions. Encourage involvement and exploration. Research opportunities. But don't force a particular activity or interest. You should be guided what they want to do.

They should take the most rigorous classes if they want top schools, but only if they want to and they can handle them.

Don't pressure them to get top grades. But do get them support if grades go below a B. One of my kids was a straight A student and put this pressure on themself. The other had a couple of Bs early on. One kid needed a tutor after Covid.

They have to want to go to a top college. It's not your college journey. Visit some top colleges and see what they think. Does it appeal to them? In the end, you can encourage and offer them opportunities but you can't make them if they don't respond. It's not healthy to push something they don't want to do. So don't. Mental health is more important than where they go to college.

Get them tutoring or a class for standardized prep if you can afford to and if you have their buy in. I offered to pay for tutoring for both but only if they committed to doing the work. They both said yes, so both did tutoring with good results.

Take the ACT or the SAT but not both. Take practice tests to see which one they prefer and do better on, then just focus prep on that one test.

Take the ACT/SAT early and do the prep the summer before jr year. This only works if they have taken enough math, which advanced track kids generally do. This leaves more than enough time to take it again if needed. My kids were so thankful to get it out of the way early and then you know the scores so you can develop a college list accordingly.

Visit schools casually starting the end of sophomore year to determine what appeals to them, such as big vs small, rural vs urban, part of country, etc. You can visit schools in your own area or add visits onto family vacations.

Start early in order to be in a position to apply ED because some schools give a big advantage. Also it's awesome to be done so early.

Be involved. I did a lot of work researching a college list for both kids. Then we also edited essays and the entire app. Looked at every app before they submitted it. Tracked deadlines.

[Anonymous]

We did a lot of this except your “be involved”. I occasionally offered schools for consideration but my kid’s list was their own. Likewise I only the read the essay for typos right before it was submitted. Didn’t look at anything else on the app or track deadlines.

I get it that kids differ but this is just another example of “I will tell what worked for my kid because I assume it’s a model for every kid”
which is perhaps the most common, and most annoying parenting shtick there is.

[Anonymous]

Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

This is extremely helpful—thank you.

When it came to finding the best school fit, how did your family decide between REA/SCEA and ED options? We’re often advised to avoid having “dream schools,” but I suspect my child does have certain schools in mind and just isn’t ready to fully share them. From that perspective, I find it tricky to know how best to offer guidance.

[Anonymous]

They have to want to go to a top college!!!

This is huge -- you can't want it for them!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did a lot of this except your “be involved”. I occasionally offered schools for consideration but my kid’s list was their own. Likewise I only the read the essay for typos right before it was submitted. Didn’t look at anything else on the app or track deadlines.

I get it that kids differ but this is just another example of “I will tell what worked for my kid because I assume it’s a model for every kid”
which is perhaps the most common, and most annoying parenting shtick there is.

This is funny. Of course this is what worked for my kids. I said that upfront. People can take it or leave it.

But I will add that I have seen a lot of my kids' friends and friends' kids get less than stellar results without parent involvement. I know my spouse and I added value to both kids' apps. So that's our experience. We were not over involved. The kids wrote their own essays and we did not over edit. We helped brainstorm topics and did edit but lightly. Corrected grammar and typos but never rewrote or replaced their language with ours. It's important that it be their work and their voices.

[Anonymous]

I agree with this list, but I will add one more thing -- try to make a person connection with the traveling admission counselor for our area. They will remember you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is extremely helpful—thank you.

When it came to finding the best school fit, how did your family decide between REA/SCEA and ED options? We’re often advised to avoid having “dream schools,” but I suspect my child does have certain schools in mind and just isn’t ready to fully share them. From that perspective, I find it tricky to know how best to offer guidance.

My kids both picked their top choice that appealed the most to them- the school that they felt was the best fit for them period. They didn't game it based on where they thought they would get in. We visited a lot of schools and found those visits really helped them figure out where they fit. After each visit, I took notes and told them to take notes too.

We were fortunate to be in a position for them to ED financially. We did a lot early on so they could be in a position to ED. One had a clear first choice from pretty early on so that was their ED. The other loved two schools and finally picked one the week before they sent in the ED app. We told that kid they didn't have to ED if they really couldn't pick but also encouraged them to try to pick if they could. They have to decide sooner or later anyways so you may as well get the ED advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with this list, but I will add one more thing -- try to make a person connection with the traveling admission counselor for our area. They will remember you.

OP here, that's good advice. My kids did try to meet them but probably could have done more here.

There was one school we tried hard with for the second kid, but then the rep quit and the school kept rotating coverage.

Do demonstrate interest to all schools and sign up for interviews if available.

also find some safeties they really like.

[Anonymous]

How do you help your kids tune out peer pressure? I’m assuming—apologies if I’m wrong—that your children also attend a strong high school.

In our case, my child is surrounded by very competitive students who sometimes brag about their achievements or grades, which often feels intended to intimidate others. Was peer pressure ever an issue for your children, and if so, how did they handle it?

[Anonymous]

Thank you!!

I also found this post to be EXTREMELY helpful.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1251044.page

[Anonymous]

Translation: be wealthy enough to afford tutors, multiple standardized test fees and ED. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it that kids differ but this is just another example of “I will tell what worked for my kid because I assume it’s a model for every kid” which is perhaps the most common, and most annoying parenting shtick there is.

I'd rather someone post what they actually did and that worked, as long as they give some context about their kids and why it worked. That way we can decide if it would work for our kids too.

[Anonymous]

The people whose kids didn’t get in ED also did all these things. I know we did. So did our friends. All great kids. I’m not saying it’s bad advice but it’s not sufficient.