Questions for parents of with sleepover experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am debating allowing my DD attend a sleepover. My biggest issue is she’s a terrible sleeper in some scenarios. The couple times she has been away from home without a parent have been mixed. Once she will be woke up for hours during the night.

Have you had a kid struggle to sleep during a sleepover? If so did it annoy you/your child? It seems theses are becoming a big thing at her age so part of me wants to let her try it, because I don’t want to hold her back unnecessarily but I would feel terrible if she ended up wanting to be picked up at 3AM or something because she couldn’t sleep.

No sleepovers period.

I don't understand why parents do these.

I would let my kid take the metro downtown DC alone before doing a sleepovers.

Not necessary.
It's a stupid thing

They were a huge part of my childhood and teen social life. I wouldn’t (and didn’t) deprive my kids of it.

Same, but I dont allow them. Times have changed

Aw, that's too bad. We've taken DCs' friends on vacations and they regularly stay at our beach house. I feel like it's too easy for them to isolate and rely on screens for entertainment, so I want to encourage them to spend time actual interacting with live friends.

Agreed. Everyone banning sleepovers for “safety” then their kids sit at home and sext random guys on Snapchat instead.

And now they all have phones and get to do this in a group at a sleepover. How fun

This. My SIXTH GRADER just went to a sleepover and was the only one who didn't bring a device (she doesn't have a phone) and tells me this after the fact and says they were snapchatting boys at their middle school because some girl in the group has idiot parents who let her have snapchat.

But bonus points for relying on screens for entertainment as a group?

Just be thankful they weren’t watching porn or experimenting with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do.

Our DD just went to a sleepover this past Friday, 14 yr old girls (7 of them), and yup, they were up most of the night (hosting mom told us she didn't stop hearing voices, music or walking around until after 2:00am) but they were all picked up by 12:00 noon the next day and our DD was fine, no energy problems, and we got all the obligations/activities/work/events of the weekend done without a problem.

What in the world are your kids up to at sleepovers that "it takes days to recover" from them and you can't get ish done??

NP- Some teens have pretty good/early to bed sleep schedules and need them to function well the next day. There's really no shame in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do.

Our DD just went to a sleepover this past Friday, 14 yr old girls (7 of them), and yup, they were up most of the night (hosting mom told us she didn't stop hearing voices, music or walking around until after 2:00am) but they were all picked up by 12:00 noon the next day and our DD was fine, no energy problems, and we got all the obligations/activities/work/events of the weekend done without a problem.

What in the world are your kids up to at sleepovers that "it takes days to recover" from them and you can't get ish done??

NP- Some teens have pretty good/early to bed sleep schedules and need them to function well the next day. There's really no shame in that.

In general sure, and those teens maybe should get picked up after dinner instead of spending the night. But damning all sleepovers because "it takes days to recover" is ridiculous. I've got 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy) and all were allowed sleepovers as were most in their friend groups. Overall they had great times, and to the degree anything that happened that concerned me, it was more what was discussed/revealed among the kids that made me worry a bit about other kids, but it was all real life tween/teen stuff and mostly I'm really glad they all had sleepovers and went to others. They never stopped asking to go to them until they left for college (although big group sleepovers got less and less as they got to 10-12th grades).

Things that are just not compatible with the personality/habits of my kids, I can say "that doesn't work for my kid" without damning the situation or activity altogether or acting like every kid has the same challenge with it that my kid does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do.

Our DD just went to a sleepover this past Friday, 14 yr old girls (7 of them), and yup, they were up most of the night (hosting mom told us she didn't stop hearing voices, music or walking around until after 2:00am) but they were all picked up by 12:00 noon the next day and our DD was fine, no energy problems, and we got all the obligations/activities/work/events of the weekend done without a problem.

What in the world are your kids up to at sleepovers that "it takes days to recover" from them and you can't get ish done??

NP- Some teens have pretty good/early to bed sleep schedules and need them to function well the next day. There's really no shame in that.

In general sure, and those teens maybe should get picked up after dinner instead of spending the night. But damning all sleepovers because "it takes days to recover" is ridiculous. I've got 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy) and all were allowed sleepovers as were most in their friend groups. Overall they had great times, and to the degree anything that happened that concerned me, it was more what was discussed/revealed among the kids that made me worry a bit about other kids, but it was all real life tween/teen stuff and mostly I'm really glad they all had sleepovers and went to others. They never stopped asking to go to them until they left for college (although big group sleepovers got less and less as they got to 10-12th grades).

Things that are just not compatible with the personality/habits of my kids, I can say "that doesn't work for my kid" without damning the situation or activity altogether or acting like every kid has the same challenge with it that my kid does.

My kids are adults now, but people get so defensive about people who don't do sleepovers. It's not a universal tradition people need to partake in, and that's fine if you like them but it's also fine if people don't.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is a bad parenting decision, but I always send my kid with ONE single melatonin gummy.

If it gets to be 1 or 2am and she can’t sleep (and wants to) she an eat it and be out in 30 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do.

Our DD just went to a sleepover this past Friday, 14 yr old girls (7 of them), and yup, they were up most of the night (hosting mom told us she didn't stop hearing voices, music or walking around until after 2:00am) but they were all picked up by 12:00 noon the next day and our DD was fine, no energy problems, and we got all the obligations/activities/work/events of the weekend done without a problem.

What in the world are your kids up to at sleepovers that "it takes days to recover" from them and you can't get ish done??

NP- Some teens have pretty good/early to bed sleep schedules and need them to function well the next day. There's really no shame in that.

In general sure, and those teens maybe should get picked up after dinner instead of spending the night. But damning all sleepovers because "it takes days to recover" is ridiculous. I've got 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy) and all were allowed sleepovers as were most in their friend groups. Overall they had great times, and to the degree anything that happened that concerned me, it was more what was discussed/revealed among the kids that made me worry a bit about other kids, but it was all real life tween/teen stuff and mostly I'm really glad they all had sleepovers and went to others. They never stopped asking to go to them until they left for college (although big group sleepovers got less and less as they got to 10-12th grades).

Things that are just not compatible with the personality/habits of my kids, I can say "that doesn't work for my kid" without damning the situation or activity altogether or acting like every kid has the same challenge with it that my kid does.

My kids are adults now, but people get so defensive about people who don't do sleepovers. It's not a universal tradition people need to partake in, and that's fine if you like them but it's also fine if people don't.

No one here is against free will about whether your kid does them or not. My post was a response to someone saying they're bad overall, because it takes days to recover from them. But I guess as soon as anyone points out the absurdity of that, someone (you this time) wants to call pointing out facts "being defensive". Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do.

Our DD just went to a sleepover this past Friday, 14 yr old girls (7 of them), and yup, they were up most of the night (hosting mom told us she didn't stop hearing voices, music or walking around until after 2:00am) but they were all picked up by 12:00 noon the next day and our DD was fine, no energy problems, and we got all the obligations/activities/work/events of the weekend done without a problem.

What in the world are your kids up to at sleepovers that "it takes days to recover" from them and you can't get ish done??

NP- Some teens have pretty good/early to bed sleep schedules and need them to function well the next day. There's really no shame in that.

In general sure, and those teens maybe should get picked up after dinner instead of spending the night. But damning all sleepovers because "it takes days to recover" is ridiculous. I've got 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy) and all were allowed sleepovers as were most in their friend groups. Overall they had great times, and to the degree anything that happened that concerned me, it was more what was discussed/revealed among the kids that made me worry a bit about other kids, but it was all real life tween/teen stuff and mostly I'm really glad they all had sleepovers and went to others. They never stopped asking to go to them until they left for college (although big group sleepovers got less and less as they got to 10-12th grades).

Things that are just not compatible with the personality/habits of my kids, I can say "that doesn't work for my kid" without damning the situation or activity altogether or acting like every kid has the same challenge with it that my kid does.

My kids are adults now, but people get so defensive about people who don't do sleepovers. It's not a universal tradition people need to partake in, and that's fine if you like them but it's also fine if people don't.

No one here is against free will about whether your kid does them or not. My post was a response to someone saying they're bad overall, because it takes days to recover from them. But I guess as soon as anyone points out the absurdity of that, someone (you this time) wants to call pointing out facts "being defensive". Yawn.

That person stated : "No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do." Notice the "we". This was a post about that person's experience and not stating how terrible sleepovers are for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do.

Our DD just went to a sleepover this past Friday, 14 yr old girls (7 of them), and yup, they were up most of the night (hosting mom told us she didn't stop hearing voices, music or walking around until after 2:00am) but they were all picked up by 12:00 noon the next day and our DD was fine, no energy problems, and we got all the obligations/activities/work/events of the weekend done without a problem.

What in the world are your kids up to at sleepovers that "it takes days to recover" from them and you can't get ish done??

NP- Some teens have pretty good/early to bed sleep schedules and need them to function well the next day. There's really no shame in that.

In general sure, and those teens maybe should get picked up after dinner instead of spending the night. But damning all sleepovers because "it takes days to recover" is ridiculous. I've got 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy) and all were allowed sleepovers as were most in their friend groups. Overall they had great times, and to the degree anything that happened that concerned me, it was more what was discussed/revealed among the kids that made me worry a bit about other kids, but it was all real life tween/teen stuff and mostly I'm really glad they all had sleepovers and went to others. They never stopped asking to go to them until they left for college (although big group sleepovers got less and less as they got to 10-12th grades).

Things that are just not compatible with the personality/habits of my kids, I can say "that doesn't work for my kid" without damning the situation or activity altogether or acting like every kid has the same challenge with it that my kid does.

My kids are adults now, but people get so defensive about people who don't do sleepovers. It's not a universal tradition people need to partake in, and that's fine if you like them but it's also fine if people don't.

No one here is against free will about whether your kid does them or not. My post was a response to someone saying they're bad overall, because it takes days to recover from them. But I guess as soon as anyone points out the absurdity of that, someone (you this time) wants to call pointing out facts "being defensive". Yawn.

That person stated : "No sleepovers. It takes days to recover, and we've got s$&t to do." Notice the "we". This was a post about that person's experience and not stating how terrible sleepovers are for everyone.

Ok you're right, they didn't damn sleepovers altogether. My bad.

I'd still like to hear from that PP why their kid in particular needs days to recover. It was a NP who said it can just be sleep schedules, which may be the PP's same reason, but maybe not. But that comment mystified me and I'd love to know what's going on in that PP's case, since they shared that.

In the end, everyone has a right to do sleepovers or not do them, and no one should be shamed whether they're in or out for sleepovers. And folks here who do say things like the bolded:

Anonymous wrote:We did them rarely and in retrospect not at all would have been best. They sleep terribly if at all, too much phone/tablet use, and parents don't always have the best judgement, including parents who seem fine and you might know well socially. They are really not necessary and no upside.

that kind of generalized damning happens, but can just be ignored.

[Anonymous]

Not pp but some kids do need days to recover after a near sleepless night. One of my kids still has a very strong internal click and wakes up every day at 6:30am, weekday or weekend. The school day alarm is set for 7:00. The other kid could sleep till noon through leaf blowers and a marching band.

I'm generally okay with an occasional sleepover and prefer Friday so there are a couple days before going back to school. My biggest issue is the tech. I like that the closest friend's mom started a tech basket where the kids put their phones and tablets. It's right outside the room where they're sleeping so no one feels like they can't use it in an emergency, but the point is they're not watching stuff or messaging people all night. My kid said it was more fun to just chat and play board games rather than have everyone having their own side phone chats or scrolling. Next time we host I'll offer that.

[Anonymous]

My kid does sleepovers regularly. Nobody sleeps until about 4am. However, I sometimes insist at my house that the girls totally shut down at 11pm — when I do this they are usually all asleep by midnight. I’m lucky that none of the 5 closest friends my 14 year old has have any social media so I’m not worried about that yet. Lots of her other friends do but the aren’t the ones spending the night.

That said, I cannot tell what you are trying to solve for. Her being tired? Or her freaking out in the middle of the night?

[Anonymous]

If I'm the one getting begged for the sleepover sometimes I'll bargain:

I can only host a sleepover if lights are out by 10:30pm.

Please can we stay up till midnight?

11:00 that's my final offer. Otherwise everyone can just hang out and get picked up by 10.

Ok, we'll be quiet by 11.
..

And they know I'll say "no" to the next sleepover request if they go overboard.

[Anonymous]

I loved sleepovers as a kid, and did them SOOO much. But man do I hate them now, lol. My oldest doesn't love them, because she needs a lot of sleep, but it took her trying them to know she didn't like it. So, OP, if you're willing, I'd let her try it. Give her a chance to have a bad night and survive, or give her the chance to love it.

I completely agree with the flashlight and book thing and some prep ahead of time so she knows what to expect. I think having done sleepovers was what made my oldest comfortable enough to do overnight field trips with school. So overall, I'm glad she did them, even though she doesn't like them

[Anonymous]

Then do a sleep under (or something, I forget the name). Pick her up at midnight.
We had a family that did not allow sleepovers so the mom always did that and it was not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Only reason she sometimes struggle to go to a sleepover, was because she was scared someone would find out she had pull-ups on, but then she stopped caring, I am not sure if anyone ever found out or she just didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only reason she sometimes struggle to go to a sleepover, was because she was scared someone would find out she had pull-ups on, but then she stopped caring, I am not sure if anyone ever found out or she just didn't care.

Sending a kid to a (non-family) sleepover with pull-ups