Do you think an on/off boyfriend should be invited to a family wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sending the MOB an invite?

Who is “we”?

I don’t even want this guy at Christmas TBD. DH doesn’t want him to stay with us for Christmas.

I don’t care if MIL is dating this guy. She is just always complaining about him. I probably just wouldn’t want a stranger in my house for our family Christmas even if he was amazing.

All of you collectively sound like lovely people.

One, MIL has been dating someone for years that she openly shit talks but then expects you all to welcome him and host him for family events? Insane.

You and your DH and his sister are acting like petulant children and playing some kind of power games.

Glad I'm not part of your family.

+1

All these people, including OP, sound bats#@t crazy.

Why am I batshit crazy? Because I don’t want this man staying with us during the holidays? I don’t even know if we are seeing MIL and this guy during the holidays. Last year, she decided to not visit and hang out with him instead. They broke up this year for a few months. He was an ex boyfriend so he wasn’t going to be invited. Now they are on again.

Yes, because whether they are on again or off agian, I would trust my mother to pick a partner. But your MIL is crazy too so maybe not. You all are just a mess.

My family is stable.

DH’s family is not. The divorced parents and their parents and siblings plus DH and siblings all a mess. They are all well educated and successful and fine in their everyday lives. Put them together and it is high drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is dh’s mom’s on off boyfriend.

Bride doesn’t want to invite him.

I personally have never met him. I’m the SIL and DIL and have never met the on off boyfriend.

A few years ago, I posted about letting this man stay at our house. MIL wanted to bring this man while watching our kids while DH and I went away. I did not want this man in my house that I had never met to be in the house with my kids while we were away.

I remember that thread. My response then and now: that's a no from me dawg.

[Anonymous]

If it's MY wedding I'm not inviting him. Not sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is dh’s mom’s on off boyfriend.

Bride doesn’t want to invite him.

I personally have never met him. I’m the SIL and DIL and have never met the on off boyfriend.

A few years ago, I posted about letting this man stay at our house. MIL wanted to bring this man while watching our kids while DH and I went away. I did not want this man in my house that I had never met to be in the house with my kids while we were away.

I remember that thread. My response then and now: that's a no from me dawg.

Wait...are we back to discussing whether or not an invitee's "plus one" can be a Golden Retriever" ?

[Anonymous]

If everyone else has a date, she should have the option. Going to a wedding solo sucks when you're the only one solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a family member who has an on/off boyfriend for years. They live out of state and we have met the boyfriend once. Every time we see the family member, she tells us they are broken up or how much she dislikes him and wants to get rid of him. They are currently together but who knows what their status will be at time of wedding.

Do we need to invite this on off boyfriend?

You don't invite the boyfriend specifically but you give the family member a +1 and she decides what to do with it. That is literally the only correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are “on” when you send the invite, then she will see it as a diss if you give her a plus one. But why are you sending the mother of the bride an invitation? That seems kind of arms length to me.

DH and bride don’t think he should come as many eyes will be focused on MIL’s boyfriend.

I actually think most people would be more interested in the boyfriend than the actual wedding!

Ugh, all of you sound awful and incredibly childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are talking about the grandmother of the bride and her on/off bf?

Boyfriend of mother. The mom is also the grandmother of my children. Marrying couple don’t have kids. It is their first wedding.

You just keep getting classier and classier with every post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sending the MOB an invite?

Who is “we”?

I don’t even want this guy at Christmas TBD. DH doesn’t want him to stay with us for Christmas.

I don’t care if MIL is dating this guy. She is just always complaining about him. I probably just wouldn’t want a stranger in my house for our family Christmas even if he was amazing.

All of you collectively sound like lovely people.

One, MIL has been dating someone for years that she openly shit talks but then expects you all to welcome him and host him for family events? Insane.

You and your DH and his sister are acting like petulant children and playing some kind of power games.

Glad I'm not part of your family.

+1

All these people, including OP, sound bats#@t crazy.

Why am I batshit crazy? Because I don’t want this man staying with us during the holidays? I don’t even know if we are seeing MIL and this guy during the holidays. Last year, she decided to not visit and hang out with him instead. They broke up this year for a few months. He was an ex boyfriend so he wasn’t going to be invited. Now they are on again.

You said she's been dating him FOR YEARS. So he's not a STRANGER. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her a plus one and let her decide or pass on bringing someone.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sending the MOB an invite?

Who is “we”?

I don’t even want this guy at Christmas TBD. DH doesn’t want him to stay with us for Christmas.

I don’t care if MIL is dating this guy. She is just always complaining about him. I probably just wouldn’t want a stranger in my house for our family Christmas even if he was amazing.

All of you collectively sound like lovely people.

One, MIL has been dating someone for years that she openly shit talks but then expects you all to welcome him and host him for family events? Insane.

You and your DH and his sister are acting like petulant children and playing some kind of power games.

Glad I'm not part of your family.

+1

All these people, including OP, sound bats#@t crazy.

Why am I batshit crazy? Because I don’t want this man staying with us during the holidays? I don’t even know if we are seeing MIL and this guy during the holidays. Last year, she decided to not visit and hang out with him instead. They broke up this year for a few months. He was an ex boyfriend so he wasn’t going to be invited. Now they are on again.

Yes, because whether they are on again or off agian, I would trust my mother to pick a partner. But your MIL is crazy too so maybe not. You all are just a mess.

My family is stable.

DH’s family is not. The divorced parents and their parents and siblings plus DH and siblings all a mess. They are all well educated and successful and fine in their everyday lives. Put them together and it is high drama.

And you are jumping right in there with them.

For Xmas, your house, you decide who to invite.

For the wedding, not your wedding, you have no say. Why are you so involved? Step away.

Unless you like the drama, too.

[Anonymous]

Too much "strange man" hysteria.
What if MIL was lesbian? Would it be "strange woman"?
Or is pervo dudes part of family history?
Wackos.

[Anonymous]

You he wants to be on you and you want to get off with him.

[Anonymous]

What is the problem? He's been around for years. If he's so terrible wouldn't there be an instance or two proving your intuition was right? Are you just waiting for something bad to happen year after year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sending the MOB an invite?

Who is “we”?

I don’t even want this guy at Christmas TBD. DH doesn’t want him to stay with us for Christmas.

I don’t care if MIL is dating this guy. She is just always complaining about him. I probably just wouldn’t want a stranger in my house for our family Christmas even if he was amazing.

All of you collectively sound like lovely people.

One, MIL has been dating someone for years that she openly shit talks but then expects you all to welcome him and host him for family events? Insane.

You and your DH and his sister are acting like petulant children and playing some kind of power games.

Glad I'm not part of your family.

+1

All these people, including OP, sound bats#@t crazy.

Why am I batshit crazy? Because I don’t want this man staying with us during the holidays? I don’t even know if we are seeing MIL and this guy during the holidays. Last year, she decided to not visit and hang out with him instead. They broke up this year for a few months. He was an ex boyfriend so he wasn’t going to be invited. Now they are on again.

NP here. For the wedding, it’s unclear how the on again/off again boyfriend’s behavior has directly impacted the bride/groom - it sounds like people have barely interacted with him. It also didn’t sound like there was a direct behavioral issue like criminal, drugs, violence that would make it a hard no on the behavior. The on again/off again isn’t the main issue. So from what been said it’s more of a problem with the mom on her own or how people feel her behavior changes around the boyfriend. Either way, the SIL needs to decide what’s important enough for her to be direct about, what things she can live with, and be prepared for how the chips fall. My parents had a difficult divorce a few years before my wedding, I’m not as close to my sisters, and I have one Aunt I don’t get along with as well - but it wasn’t a question of leaving anyone out. There were some awkward moments but honestly most of it were minor things when in the grand scheme of things were not big deals.

The mom visit with the boyfriend is different. It’s your house and kids and you didn’t know him - presumably your stance would have been the same if it was a high school or college friend coming into town with a boyfriend you never met and wanting to stay at your house. Also, the MIL “asking” but in actuality he can’t stay, she isn’t visiting - that would rub me the wrong way. But again, these actions are on the MIL, not the boyfriend. And if she complains about him all the time, have a gentle but direct line that you are there to support her and unless it’s an unsafe situation - either they are getting help to move forward or she breaks but rehashing isn’t helping anyone.