Reply to Do you think an on/off boyfriend should be invited to a family wedding?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you sending the MOB an invite?

Who is “we”?[/quote]

I don’t even want this guy at Christmas TBD. DH doesn’t want him to stay with us for Christmas.

I don’t care if MIL is dating this guy. She is just always complaining about him. I probably just wouldn’t want a stranger in my house for our family Christmas even if he was amazing.[/quote]

All of you collectively sound like lovely people.

One, MIL has been dating someone for years that she openly shit talks but then expects you all to welcome him and host him for family events? Insane.

You and your DH and his sister are acting like petulant children and playing some kind of power games.

Glad I'm not part of your family. [/quote]

All these people, including OP, sound bats#@t crazy.[/quote]

Why am I batshit crazy? Because I don’t want this man staying with us during the holidays? I don’t even know if we are seeing MIL and this guy during the holidays. Last year, she decided to not visit and hang out with him instead. They broke up this year for a few months. He was an ex boyfriend so he wasn’t going to be invited. Now they are on again.[/quote]

NP here.  For the wedding, it’s unclear how the on again/off again boyfriend’s behavior has directly impacted the bride/groom - it sounds like people have barely interacted with him. It also didn’t sound like there was a direct behavioral issue like criminal, drugs, violence that would make it a hard no on the behavior.  The on again/off again isn’t the main issue.  So from what been said it’s more of a problem with the mom on her own or how people feel her behavior changes around the boyfriend.  Either way, the SIL needs to decide what’s important enough for her to be direct about, what things she can live with, and be prepared for how the chips fall.   My parents had a difficult divorce a few years before my wedding, I’m not as close to my sisters, and I have one Aunt I don’t get along with as well - but it wasn’t a question of leaving anyone out.  There were some awkward moments but honestly most of it were minor things when in the grand scheme of things were not big deals.

The mom visit with the boyfriend is different.  It’s your house and kids and you didn’t know him - presumably your stance would have been the same if it was a high school or college friend coming into town with a boyfriend you never met and wanting to stay at your house.  Also, the MIL “asking” but in actuality he can’t stay, she isn’t visiting - that would rub me the wrong way.  But again, these actions are on the MIL, not the boyfriend.  And if she complains about him all the time, have a gentle but direct line that you are there to support her and unless it’s an unsafe situation - either they are getting help to move forward or she breaks but rehashing isn’t helping anyone.
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