Remarried -- how best to structure my will/trust for my adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

Both of these things happened to my Dad. The life estate, which was a good idea, and my stepmother’s lawyer quickly declined so we could sell it. And her lawyer declined it because she had stopped speaking to us merely months after he died for reasons that she never explained.

This is so common. Even in families where there is bragging about how "they are just like my own kids." Bottom line, 95% of the time step parents resent the step kids. If not 99% of the time. It is especially bad if they have their own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

Both of these things happened to my Dad. The life estate, which was a good idea, and my stepmother’s lawyer quickly declined so we could sell it. And her lawyer declined it because she had stopped speaking to us merely months after he died for reasons that she never explained.

What did the lawyer decline? To follow the living trust rules ? Or declined creating the living trust

It sounds like the stepmother via her lawyer just declined to accept the life estate -- they chose not to live in the house.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have explored all of this with a lawyer before making the decision as to whether to remarry.

[Anonymous]

I have two trusts (and blended family). One is for assets that go directly to kids and other that go to my spouse (who has a trust that leaves some things directly to his child/our step kid and the rest to my and our kids). OP should be able to discuss with lawyer and figure out what's fair....however the house is going to be messy, as OP's fiancé has already paid into it so she is owed more than just a life estate and she may need th money

Personally I would explore a couple options with an estate lawyer who may be able to come up with equitable scenarios. Can OP "pay bacK" the money fiance has put in (and any appreciation) via his investments or retirement account so that she has a chunk of change? If she has paid in 150k, he should create an account for c. 150k for her. I would have her not pay the mortgage but instead save for her own retirement and help with household expenses and do a life estate where the house ultimately goes to the kids, along with the rest of the monies.

please don't do what my dad did, which was tie up all his money in several joint properties with his wife (who hates us for inexplicable reasons), and its all in a revocable joint trust. If he passes first (and he will as he's older and not healthy), it initially goes to her, but his half is supposed to go to us when she passes. However, the minute it goes to her, she can and likely will change the trust (it will still be revocable) to cut us out, even though she is independently quite wealthy and has no kids of her own. I mentioned this and he somehow believes that she will "do the right thing," even though she has consistently demonstrated resentment toward us and in general is just batsh$t crazy and gets incredibly angry at the drop of a hat (which is likely why she has no contact with almost her entire family and former close friends). I also think about my best friend, whose dad had early onset dementia and his second wife of 2 years redid the will with him 3 days before he died to leave his assets all to her, which was definitely something he said over and over again he would never do. they challenged it and settled before it reached court but not before it reached 40k in litigation fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

OP said she contributes to the mortgage, so this will get messy.

OP is an idiot.

+1.

I was actually surprised to see he has a mortgage, because he said that he was in a better position since he owns his home.

[Anonymous]

Your kids should be your healthcare power of attorney, and you should set up a trust that benefits them only. Your house can go to your spouse. You owe your kids this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

Both of these things happened to my Dad. The life estate, which was a good idea, and my stepmother’s lawyer quickly declined so we could sell it. And her lawyer declined it because she had stopped speaking to us merely months after he died for reasons that she never explained.

What did the lawyer decline? To follow the living trust rules ? Or declined creating the living trust

It sounds like the stepmother via her lawyer just declined to accept the life estate -- they chose not to live in the house.

PP here and that’s exactly the case. Dad and stepmother lived about two thirds of the time in a house that was hers and the other third in a summer house that was his. Each of their estate plans said that they would have a life estate for a year for the house that wasn’t theirs to give the surviving spouse time to make other plans. We asked if she needed the year for the summer house (during which she would pay for any expenses) and got back a no response from her attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids should be your healthcare power of attorney, and you should set up a trust that benefits them only. Your house can go to your spouse. You owe your kids this.

This, but kids inherit the house. Leave spouse 10% of total estate or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

This 💯. OP has already screwed over his kids. My dad’s wife didn’t wait till his body was cold to take everything for herself and her kid, ignoring his wishes and a shoddily-drawn trust didn’t help. Now she’s locked it up.

[Anonymous]

I’m pp, and yes OP your kids should at least be co-healthcare directives. My dad’s wife wanted to pull his life support immediately (when he was placed over night) before my sibling and I arrived. I told the doctor that I had his notarized POLST that said moderate life support was acceptable and we’d gotten flights to be there and that I’d sue the hospital if they listened to his wife.

You don’t think it will be contentious, but it typically is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids should be your healthcare power of attorney, and you should set up a trust that benefits them only. Your house can go to your spouse. You owe your kids this.

This, but kids inherit the house. Leave spouse 10% of total estate or nothing.

Then don't get married. You need to care for your spouse during death. Kids are being greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pp, and yes OP your kids should at least be co-healthcare directives. My dad’s wife wanted to pull his life support immediately (when he was placed over night) before my sibling and I arrived. I told the doctor that I had his notarized POLST that said moderate life support was acceptable and we’d gotten flights to be there and that I’d sue the hospital if they listened to his wife.

You don’t think it will be contentious, but it typically is.

It's not fair to keep someone on life support for your needs. My sibling did that to my dad and put him through surgeries that it was clear he would not make it through and if he did, he'd be in a nursing home the rest of his life, which he didn't want. You need to do what's best for the person, not you. I'd want someone to pull the plug and I have told my kid that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

Both of these things happened to my Dad. The life estate, which was a good idea, and my stepmother’s lawyer quickly declined so we could sell it. And her lawyer declined it because she had stopped speaking to us merely months after he died for reasons that she never explained.

What did the lawyer decline? To follow the living trust rules ? Or declined creating the living trust

It sounds like the stepmother via her lawyer just declined to accept the life estate -- they chose not to live in the house.

PP here and that’s exactly the case. Dad and stepmother lived about two thirds of the time in a house that was hers and the other third in a summer house that was his. Each of their estate plans said that they would have a life estate for a year for the house that wasn’t theirs to give the surviving spouse time to make other plans. We asked if she needed the year for the summer house (during which she would pay for any expenses) and got back a no response from her attorney.

House should almost always go to the spouse. It's personal and kids and spouse don't want an ongoing relationship post your death. Leave other stuff to your kids. This was the firm direction I got from my attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids should be your healthcare power of attorney, and you should set up a trust that benefits them only. Your house can go to your spouse. You owe your kids this.

This, but kids inherit the house. Leave spouse 10% of total estate or nothing.

Then don't get married. You need to care for your spouse during death. Kids are being greedy.

Spousal elective share laws require 33-50% of the estate or the spouse can challenge the entire estate, so this is terrible advice and an attorney would never advise it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids should be your healthcare power of attorney, and you should set up a trust that benefits them only. Your house can go to your spouse. You owe your kids this.

This, but kids inherit the house. Leave spouse 10% of total estate or nothing.

So if your kids get to do all this, why bother to get married? What's the point of remarrying in this case?