Remarried -- how best to structure my will/trust for my adult children.

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Anonymous wrote:Do NOT add that woman to the title of the house you want to leave to your children. What you want to leave her is called a life estate which is the right to reside at a house un disturbed for the duration of her lifetime. No matter what she is smiling and telling you to your face now, assume all that will change and she will not even acknowledge your children after your death. Plan accordingly

Both of these things happened to my Dad. The life estate, which was a good idea, and my stepmother’s lawyer quickly declined so we could sell it. And her lawyer declined it because she had stopped speaking to us merely months after he died for reasons that she never explained.

What did the lawyer decline? To follow the living trust rules ? Or declined creating the living trust

It sounds like the stepmother via her lawyer just declined to accept the life estate -- they chose not to live in the house.

PP here and that’s exactly the case. Dad and stepmother lived about two thirds of the time in a house that was hers and the other third in a summer house that was his. Each of their estate plans said that they would have a life estate for a year for the house that wasn’t theirs to give the surviving spouse time to make other plans. We asked if she needed the year for the summer house (during which she would pay for any expenses) and got back a no response from her attorney.

House should almost always go to the spouse. It's personal and kids and spouse don't want an ongoing relationship post your death. Leave other stuff to your kids. This was the firm direction I got from my attorney.

What if this is the house where the kids grew up, mortgage was paid off prior to marriage to the last spouse, and the totality of the house equity was built by people the last spouse has nothing to do with ?
Men are at the height of their assets value marry late in life women who will never become true family. And if they have own children they’ll fight with the teeth to ensure that his biological kids get zero when he’s gone. The end of life care usually lasts couple years, can be arranged for by kids and may be less costly than the loss of whole estate to a different bloodline. Which is why people create trusts that step over spouses.

Using this same logics, OPs wife should have her own place and retirement by the age 50. Her assets should also keep growing while she’s married to OP, without a need to get his premarital assets

She can be cared for by giving her right to live in their house until she dies eg life estate.

Life estates suck for everyone involved.

Unless waived, you have to give your spouse 33-35% of your estate, or they can challenge it and claim an elective share. Most people don't have 33-50% of their estate tied up in a house, so they should have plenty to give to their kids. If they don't, they take out a life insurance policy. Give your spouse the house, and your kids the other money. It's fine to specifically outline personal family heirlooms in the home you want to go to ywith our kids.

The reason my attorney advised against this approach (leaving life estate to a surviving spouse with the remainder interest to children - stepchildren of the surviving spouse) is that it creates significant ongoing conflict between people who, in all likelihood, won't want an ongoing relationship. The life tenant (spouse) has the right to live in the property but lacks the incentive to maintain or improve it since they don't own the remainder interest, while the remaindermen (stepchildren of the surviving spouse) have no current possessory rights but bear the financial burden of watching the property's condition potentially deteriorate. There are disputes over who should pay for repairs, maintenance, property taxes, and insurance, with neither party wanting to invest in a property they don't fully control. Additionally, the surviving spouse cannot sell or refinance the property without the stepchildren's consent, creating potential deadlock if funds are needed for long-term care or relocation. It's just a bad idea, and it almost ensures that strained relationships between a stepparent and stepchildren will continue post your death. There could be years of costly litigation that directly contradict your intentions when you created your will.

It totally depends on the value of the house. If it's a multi-mullion dollar estate, I don't see any reason why the spouse should inherit it. People should be VERY careful with remarriage.

I wouldn't bring a spouse into my pre-marital house that I want my kids to inherit. But I wouldn't remarry ether, given the issues with spousal elective share. Nobody besides my kids should get a windfall and I particular wouldn't want my hard earned money going to spouse own kids.

Women operate in the interests of their biological kids. If man remarries to woman with kids - he's guaranteed to screw over his own children in favor of step kids

Obviously, the answer is don't get married. But in the OP's case, the toothpaste is out of the tube.

When people get remarried, they enter into a mutual caretaking relationship. Remarriage involves economic codependency. Most estate planning attorneys will tell you to give your spouse the house because it's also their house. Give your kids some of your personal property, life insurance proceeds, money from a brokerage account, the balance in retirement accounts that weren't contributed to during the second marriage, etc., but leave your spouse the house they live in, too.

OP here. I didn’t realize the thread was still active.

My new wife doesn’t have children of her own, nor will she as she will be 50 next month. And I am fairly sure she will name me and my children as her own beneficiaries.

She will also have her own pension should I die first. I think the house, paid off, is fine to her and my kids get my 401k, life insurance (which I still have, for now) and other liquid assets. My lawyer cautioned the value of the house could exceed a 50% share of the other things, although that isn’t currently the case and I can revisit the will in the future as valuations shift. I would obviously also update the will when there are grandchildren.

LOL. FF to OP's kids posting about how terrible she was when he died.

Men just don't get it. That's why I have an iron-clad trust so my kids don't get screwed over. He cannot remarry or the trust dissolves.

Np, and bless his heart was all I thought when I read the part about her “probably naming him and his kids as the beneficiaries.” She won’t. Men are so dense.

NP. I was just shaking my head when I read it. Zero chance the new wife is leaving anything to OP’s kids. Why is he leaving her anything at all when she has her own money and pension? He’s just making sure his kids will hate him. Just because he can’t handle being alone and thinks he needs to get married for that.