Are you and spouse aligned on religion?

[Anonymous]

We have always agreed on religion, money, and politics but have very different hobbies and ideas of what is fun. Honestly without that basis of agreement on the important stuff I am not sure we would make it!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

PP. I was raised evangelical, and I will never, ever get sucked back into any religion. I do not at all agree with most of modern-day Christianity.

Also, I just don't feel it. I have never felt spiritual. I have never felt like God exists. Things like praying were always a struggle for me, because I just don't FEEL any of it.

And I think it's overall pretty stupid for women to need to pretend to believe what their man believes just to make him happy.

Now, if he wanted me to go to church with him for support, happy to do that a couple times a month. He says grace before eating, I wait until he's finished before I start eating. Happy to accommodate things like that. But, nope, I will never convert.

It sounds like you aren’t “not spiritual.” It sounds like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder.

Waiting for your spouse to say grace while you sit there silently and refuse to say it with him just seems passive aggressive.

If it’s important to you to live your life without religion, then you should marry someone who isn’t religious.

Huh? He likes to say it silently to himself. I’m polite and wait for him to finish. If he wanted to say it out loud that’s fine with me. I wouldn’t say it myself because it’s not authentic for me and I don’t even know what to say. I could do a generic feeling gratitude thing like on thanksgiving, but me not wanting to thank a being I don’t believe in isn’t passive aggressive.

Super weird that you think spouses need to play pretend and be someone they’re not just to make each other happy. I wouldn’t want my spouse doing anything they’re uncomfortable with just to appease me. That’s pretty narcissistic.

Okay. You are right. It’s a good idea to make a lifetime commitment to someone who regularly does something that makes you uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we are both atheist. Honestly, our politics aren’t aligned and it causes issues.

No you are a libertarian and an atheist

No atheist believes in piggy as a god

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

PP. I was raised evangelical, and I will never, ever get sucked back into any religion. I do not at all agree with most of modern-day Christianity.

Also, I just don't feel it. I have never felt spiritual. I have never felt like God exists. Things like praying were always a struggle for me, because I just don't FEEL any of it.

And I think it's overall pretty stupid for women to need to pretend to believe what their man believes just to make him happy.

Now, if he wanted me to go to church with him for support, happy to do that a couple times a month. He says grace before eating, I wait until he's finished before I start eating. Happy to accommodate things like that. But, nope, I will never convert.

It sounds like you aren’t “not spiritual.” It sounds like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder.

Waiting for your spouse to say grace while you sit there silently and refuse to say it with him just seems passive aggressive.

If it’s important to you to live your life without religion, then you should marry someone who isn’t religious.

Huh? He likes to say it silently to himself. I’m polite and wait for him to finish. If he wanted to say it out loud that’s fine with me. I wouldn’t say it myself because it’s not authentic for me and I don’t even know what to say. I could do a generic feeling gratitude thing like on thanksgiving, but me not wanting to thank a being I don’t believe in isn’t passive aggressive.

Super weird that you think spouses need to play pretend and be someone they’re not just to make each other happy. I wouldn’t want my spouse doing anything they’re uncomfortable with just to appease me. That’s pretty narcissistic.

Okay. You are right. It’s a good idea to make a lifetime commitment to someone who regularly does something that makes you uncomfortable.

You’re confusing 2 different things.

People practicing their religion, as long as it doesn’t harm others, does not make me uncomfortable.

Being forced to participate in those practices when I don’t want to does make me uncomfortable.

Watching people say grace doesn’t bother me. But being forced to say grace when I don’t want to does.

It’s basic freedom of religion. Everyone is free to practice however they want. That includes not practicing if they don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Religions are cults

Atheists both of us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not, does it cause any issues?

Could you imagine a marriage with different faiths working?

Interfaith marriage here, going on 28 years. We did an interfaith class (10 weeks, with other interfaith couples) before we got married. Instructor said atheist and Catholic were the most challenging matches (that's not us), but every week we talked about a different issue - birth, death, etc. Didn't matter what the topic, our class kept bringing it back to raising the kids.

Ours are now young adults, raised in mom's religion, one kid active in the religion, one kid not. I suspect that one will accept whatever religion their future spouse feels is important, if any.

It's sometimes messy (visiting partners parents and having to attend their religious services), or when it's a major holiday for one but not the other. That was tougher when the kids were younger, not so much any more. Perhaps it will get messy again as we age amd get closer to death. And, it's caused a lot of extra work and time, that wouldn't have been necessary if we were the same religion. But it hasn't been unmanageable, and, you can't help who you fall in love with

[Anonymous]

My husband's maybe more agnostic or very lightly Christian (we don't go to church or anything like that), I'm an atheist but have no issue sitting though, say Easter service to make his mom happy.

[Anonymous]

We were both raised Christian
. Neither of us attend Church and we have similar beliefs about God and faith. We celebrate Christmas and Easter but mainly from a non religious aspect

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you aren’t “not spiritual.” It sounds like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder.

Waiting for your spouse to say grace while you sit there silently and refuse to say it with him just seems passive aggressive.

If it’s important to you to live your life without religion, then you should marry someone who isn’t religious.

Saying grace is not nearly as important to Christians as living Christ’s words of helping to heal the sick and feed the poor.

People often attack Christianity by focusing on rituals (e.g., saying grace) rather than the message. However, in my church, as in many others, we focus on living His words by helping those who are hungry to eat, and those who are sick to heal.

Yes, plenty of people who do not believe in Christianity, or any religion, help to heal the sick and feed the poor. And their sacrifice for their brothers and sisters is no less wonderful than the sacrifices made by those who believe in Him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not, does it cause any issues?

Could you imagine a marriage with different faiths working?

We both had brief first marriages that were interfaith.

DH’s was two different Christianities. I’ve never heard religious differences were a factor. She didn’t want to be a military wife and cheated.

Mine was a Christian religion and Judaism. Fewer religious issues than people predicted, but we ultimately had very different values on some important issues.

DH and I are from the same religion. However, our parents are all from the same religion and each couple divorced so we don’t think that matters.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are aligned on religion. We're both atheists. Without kids, I could see my marriage working even if she believed in the supernatural.

But I can't imagine watching a spouse fill a kid's head with nonsense. And, if she truly believed, I can't imagine she'd be comfortable with me telling her kids that her deeply held beliefs were nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I are aligned on religion. We're both atheists. Without kids, I could see my marriage working even if she believed in the supernatural.

But I can't imagine watching a spouse fill a kid's head with nonsense. And, if she truly believed, I can't imagine she'd be comfortable with me telling her kids that her deeply held beliefs were nonsense.

This also happens when people practice two different religions.

[Anonymous]

We were raised (loosely) two different religions (Jewish and Methodist) but neither of us are practicing so it has not been an issue. Our teens girls were not confirmed or bat mitzvah'd. In fact the only person who has complained is our younger DD who sometimes feels left out around her (mostly Catholic) friends. I told her she is free to become Catholic if she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were raised (loosely) two different religions (Jewish and Methodist) but neither of us are practicing so it has not been an issue. Our teens girls were not confirmed or bat mitzvah'd. In fact the only person who has complained is our younger DD who sometimes feels left out around her (mostly Catholic) friends. I told her she is free to become Catholic if she wants.

How is she supposed to “become Catholic” without your involvement? This is like telling her that she’s free to be a ballerina if she wants.