Are you and spouse aligned on religion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

What's wrong with you? Would you ask a religious person to convert to another religion, or deny their beliefs and embrace atheism?

Stop treating atheists as lesser beings. A lot of them fell very strongly about their views. My research scientist husband never talks about them, but he feels strongly that he shouldn't participate in any religious practice for himself. He attends funeral services and weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and all those things for others, not for himself. I drag him to Midnight Mass, and he goes, for me. But there will never be a point where he converts to anything, and I fully respect that.

You are asking someone to lie to themselves. Don't do that.

[Anonymous]

feel not fell

[Anonymous]

My DH grew up Catholic, while I grew up as a Presbyterian. We didn't go to church the first 20 years of our marriage, and then I wanted to take our kids. I found a great Presbyterian Church in our area and he ended up joining and switching to the Presbyterian faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If not, does it cause any issues?

Could you imagine a marriage with different faiths working?

Yes. We are of different faiths and neither of us practice.

[Anonymous]

Husband is Jewish (reform; not religious) and I’m an atheist. Raising kids Jewish but just culturally, not teaching them to believe in any gods.

Zero issues, though my family is evangelical, so we don’t talk about religion at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

PP. I was raised evangelical, and I will never, ever get sucked back into any religion. I do not at all agree with most of modern-day Christianity.

Also, I just don't feel it. I have never felt spiritual. I have never felt like God exists. Things like praying were always a struggle for me, because I just don't FEEL any of it.

And I think it's overall pretty stupid for women to need to pretend to believe what their man believes just to make him happy.

Now, if he wanted me to go to church with him for support, happy to do that a couple times a month. He says grace before eating, I wait until he's finished before I start eating. Happy to accommodate things like that. But, nope, I will never convert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

What are you planning to do when you have kids?

We're older, so kids won't be happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

What's wrong with you? Would you ask a religious person to convert to another religion, or deny their beliefs and embrace atheism?

Stop treating atheists as lesser beings. A lot of them fell very strongly about their views. My research scientist husband never talks about them, but he feels strongly that he shouldn't participate in any religious practice for himself. He attends funeral services and weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and all those things for others, not for himself. I drag him to Midnight Mass, and he goes, for me. But there will never be a point where he converts to anything, and I fully respect that.

You are asking someone to lie to themselves. Don't do that.

Of course I would say that a religious person should convert to their spouse’s religion.
I just don’t see what the big deal is. It seems much more important to keep your family intact than it is to “not lie to yourself.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

PP. I was raised evangelical, and I will never, ever get sucked back into any religion. I do not at all agree with most of modern-day Christianity.

Also, I just don't feel it. I have never felt spiritual. I have never felt like God exists. Things like praying were always a struggle for me, because I just don't FEEL any of it.

And I think it's overall pretty stupid for women to need to pretend to believe what their man believes just to make him happy.

Now, if he wanted me to go to church with him for support, happy to do that a couple times a month. He says grace before eating, I wait until he's finished before I start eating. Happy to accommodate things like that. But, nope, I will never convert.

It sounds like you aren’t “not spiritual.” It sounds like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder.

Waiting for your spouse to say grace while you sit there silently and refuse to say it with him just seems passive aggressive.

If it’s important to you to live your life without religion, then you should marry someone who isn’t religious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

What's wrong with you? Would you ask a religious person to convert to another religion, or deny their beliefs and embrace atheism?

Stop treating atheists as lesser beings. A lot of them fell very strongly about their views. My research scientist husband never talks about them, but he feels strongly that he shouldn't participate in any religious practice for himself. He attends funeral services and weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and all those things for others, not for himself. I drag him to Midnight Mass, and he goes, for me. But there will never be a point where he converts to anything, and I fully respect that.

You are asking someone to lie to themselves. Don't do that.

Of course I would say that a religious person should convert to their spouse’s religion.
I just don’t see what the big deal is. It seems much more important to keep your family intact than it is to “not lie to yourself.”

Which spouses religion wins? Why do they need to convert? What does it have to do with keeping a family "intact"?

I am mixed Jewish and Christian but generally agnostic. DH is Christian and goes to curch regularly. Kids are mixed. We've been married more than 30 years so the family is "intact" without anyone needing to convert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

What's wrong with you? Would you ask a religious person to convert to another religion, or deny their beliefs and embrace atheism?

Stop treating atheists as lesser beings. A lot of them fell very strongly about their views. My research scientist husband never talks about them, but he feels strongly that he shouldn't participate in any religious practice for himself. He attends funeral services and weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and all those things for others, not for himself. I drag him to Midnight Mass, and he goes, for me. But there will never be a point where he converts to anything, and I fully respect that.

You are asking someone to lie to themselves. Don't do that.

Of course I would say that a religious person should convert to their spouse’s religion.
I just don’t see what the big deal is. It seems much more important to keep your family intact than it is to “not lie to yourself.”

Which spouses religion wins? Why do they need to convert? What does it have to do with keeping a family "intact"?

I am mixed Jewish and Christian but generally agnostic. DH is Christian and goes to curch regularly. Kids are mixed. We've been married more than 30 years so the family is "intact" without anyone needing to convert.

I don’t really care which one wins. That’s for you and your spouse to figure out. Kind of like if one of you is from DC and the other one is from Des Moines, you figure out somewhere to live together when you get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

PP. I was raised evangelical, and I will never, ever get sucked back into any religion. I do not at all agree with most of modern-day Christianity.

Also, I just don't feel it. I have never felt spiritual. I have never felt like God exists. Things like praying were always a struggle for me, because I just don't FEEL any of it.

And I think it's overall pretty stupid for women to need to pretend to believe what their man believes just to make him happy.

Now, if he wanted me to go to church with him for support, happy to do that a couple times a month. He says grace before eating, I wait until he's finished before I start eating. Happy to accommodate things like that. But, nope, I will never convert.

It sounds like you aren’t “not spiritual.” It sounds like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder.

Waiting for your spouse to say grace while you sit there silently and refuse to say it with him just seems passive aggressive.

If it’s important to you to live your life without religion, then you should marry someone who isn’t religious.

Huh? He likes to say it silently to himself. I’m polite and wait for him to finish. If he wanted to say it out loud that’s fine with me. I wouldn’t say it myself because it’s not authentic for me and I don’t even know what to say. I could do a generic feeling gratitude thing like on thanksgiving, but me not wanting to thank a being I don’t believe in isn’t passive aggressive.

Super weird that you think spouses need to play pretend and be someone they’re not just to make each other happy. I wouldn’t want my spouse doing anything they’re uncomfortable with just to appease me. That’s pretty narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

What's wrong with you? Would you ask a religious person to convert to another religion, or deny their beliefs and embrace atheism?

Stop treating atheists as lesser beings. A lot of them fell very strongly about their views. My research scientist husband never talks about them, but he feels strongly that he shouldn't participate in any religious practice for himself. He attends funeral services and weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and all those things for others, not for himself. I drag him to Midnight Mass, and he goes, for me. But there will never be a point where he converts to anything, and I fully respect that.

You are asking someone to lie to themselves. Don't do that.

Of course I would say that a religious person should convert to their spouse’s religion.
I just don’t see what the big deal is. It seems much more important to keep your family intact than it is to “not lie to yourself.”

Why do you think families with different religions aren’t intact? Plenty of them stay together and lead happy lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re discussing marriage (not married yet). He’s evangelical, I’m atheist.

No real issues yet but I’m sure they’re coming. Being unequally yoked and all. We both try to be respectful and we don’t argue with each other. But we do talk about it a lot and listen to the other’s viewpoint. And I do understand that religion got him through some very, very dark times in his life. So I always try to be respectful.

As long as he doesn’t try to convert me I’m good. I’m sure he will at some point, though. Kinda worries me that’ll be the end of our relationship.

I honestly don’t get this viewpoint, but I’m not particularly “spiritual” or whatever.
If it’s important to him (and probably his entire family), and you don’t care, then why not just go with it? Who cares? Do you need to have “devout atheist” written on your tombstone? Aren’t there more important things?

PP. I was raised evangelical, and I will never, ever get sucked back into any religion. I do not at all agree with most of modern-day Christianity.

Also, I just don't feel it. I have never felt spiritual. I have never felt like God exists. Things like praying were always a struggle for me, because I just don't FEEL any of it.

And I think it's overall pretty stupid for women to need to pretend to believe what their man believes just to make him happy.

Now, if he wanted me to go to church with him for support, happy to do that a couple times a month. He says grace before eating, I wait until he's finished before I start eating. Happy to accommodate things like that. But, nope, I will never convert.

It sounds like you aren’t “not spiritual.” It sounds like you have a pretty big chip on your shoulder.

Waiting for your spouse to say grace while you sit there silently and refuse to say it with him just seems passive aggressive.

If it’s important to you to live your life without religion, then you should marry someone who isn’t religious.

I don't say grace but I will wait for you (or anyone else) to do it if you choose. Why must I participate with you? Trying to coerce me to do it is no different than if I tried to coerce you not to.