Worried for friends teens. She is too involved with them and has few boundaries

[Anonymous]

I guess it takes all kinds to make a world, including alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it takes all kinds to make a world, including alcoholics.

Ironically they are not alcoholics. It’s just part of their ‘cool’ parenting style. Lots of parties, kids are encouraged to be very social and invite friends to their parents adult parties, even when it means being around pot and alcohol at a young age. The kids rarely have activities that don’t involve the parents, and it is almost subtly discouraged. One dc started to like sports, and it was discouraged - the girls are mean, it’s too pricey, etc. It’s an odd dynamic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Do you mean, don't allow your kids to go over to their house? (Not OP.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Do you mean, don't allow your kids to go over to their house? (Not OP.)

Exactly. The parents will try to get weird information and most kids don’t have the nuance.


Ex: Mary I see your mom goes out several evenings

Kid:, Yes she goes to Chili’s

Oh how nice to meet a friend.

Mary: oh it’s not a friend it’s Billy


Truth:
Billy is Mary’s uncle and yes Mary’s mom meets up with her brother regularly and they went to Chili’s once.

Nosy mom has now started insinuating Mary’s mom is having an affair to anyone who will listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Op. My kids have self selected not to hang out with them already. But I’m still friends with the parents, especially the mom. I want to shake her sometimes. She means well, I know, but blurs the boundaries with her kids.

So given what you've observed and how you feel OP, what if anything have you said to your mom friend so far? Have you said ANYTHING about this? If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Distance yourself. Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas and all that.

[Anonymous]

Were the other parents there? It is legal to give alcohol to your own kids in VA. If they hosted a party and gave alcohol to other kids then you can call the police if you really want to.

[Anonymous]

You don't allow your teen to go to their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Op. My kids have self selected not to hang out with them already. But I’m still friends with the parents, especially the mom. I want to shake her sometimes. She means well, I know, but blurs the boundaries with her kids.

So given what you've observed and how you feel OP, what if anything have you said to your mom friend so far? Have you said ANYTHING about this? If not, why not?

I'm wondering the same thing. OP what's making you feel so stuck about what to do, what have you already done that didn't work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Op. My kids have self selected not to hang out with them already. But I’m still friends with the parents, especially the mom. I want to shake her sometimes. She means well, I know, but blurs the boundaries with her kids.

So given what you've observed and how you feel OP, what if anything have you said to your mom friend so far? Have you said ANYTHING about this? If not, why not?

I'm wondering the same thing. OP what's making you feel so stuck about what to do, what have you already done that didn't work?

Op here. I’m not sure what to say. I have said things in passing in the past. Im not going to provide detail for obvious reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Europe, teens can drink at 15.

What does that have to do with minors getting wasted under parent supervision?

You Americans are hopelessly helicopter-type people.

European teens drink at parties, at bars, and at family celebrations. In Europe, we do not infantilize the young people, until they suddenly turn 21.

and neither the teens or adults get wasted unless you are French in which case , while you are fully conscious, you still pee all over the outside. I live in Switzerland right now and of course the kids (16) drink wine/cider/beer but not hard liquor and no-one is drunk or even tipsy and they manage to make it to the bathroom to pee as well. ugh you can always tell you've crossed over into the French part of switzerland or from Alsace into the rest of France b/c of the pervading smell of urine wafting up from the pavement but I digress. point is drinking enough to get "wasted" - only brits drink that much.

[Anonymous]

ugh you can always tell you've crossed over into the French part of switzerland or from Alsace into the rest of France b/c of the pervading smell of urine wafting up from the pavement but I digress

I love that I learned this tidbit from this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Europe, teens can drink at 15.

What does that have to do with minors getting wasted under parent supervision?

Very common I’m learning now that my kid is in high school. Parents want to be cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Op. My kids have self selected not to hang out with them already. But I’m still friends with the parents, especially the mom. I want to shake her sometimes. She means well, I know, but blurs the boundaries with her kids.

So given what you've observed and how you feel OP, what if anything have you said to your mom friend so far? Have you said ANYTHING about this? If not, why not?

I'm wondering the same thing. OP what's making you feel so stuck about what to do, what have you already done that didn't work?

Op here. I’m not sure what to say. I have said things in passing in the past. Im not going to provide detail for obvious reasons

You’ve already tried, they aren’t changing and you don’t approve of their behavior. Stop hanging out with these people. You can’t change others.

Your choices now are to call the police on under age parties serving alcohol if you know they are going on or to MYOB. But stop worrying over other people’s choice when you can’t change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Op. My kids have self selected not to hang out with them already. But I’m still friends with the parents, especially the mom. I want to shake her sometimes. She means well, I know, but blurs the boundaries with her kids.

So given what you've observed and how you feel OP, what if anything have you said to your mom friend so far? Have you said ANYTHING about this? If not, why not?

I'm wondering the same thing. OP what's making you feel so stuck about what to do, what have you already done that didn't work?

Op here. I’m not sure what to say. I have said things in passing in the past. Im not going to provide detail for obvious reasons

You’ve already tried, they aren’t changing and you don’t approve of their behavior. Stop hanging out with these people. You can’t change others.

Your choices now are to call the police on under age parties serving alcohol if you know they are going on or to MYOB. But stop worrying over other people’s choice when you can’t change that.

Nope, I don't buy that OP has "already tried". S/he says they "said some things in passing", who knows how direct or totally subtle what OP said was. OP sounds conflict averse and afraid to just come out and say what their concern is, and that is **not** the same as actually telling the friend what the concern is and asking the friend what the friend is going to do when they realize they opened the door to their kids having substance problems or motivation problems.

OP what did you come here to find out? Are you going to take any advice and have a direct conversation or not? And to the PP saying call the police, if OP can't say whether they've directly and clearly told this friend their concerns and what the response was, I seriously doubt OP will go on record as the person who called the cops on a parent they may have never clearly stated their concern to. OP if you did clearly state your concern and ask your friend why they think it's ok to be complicit in facilitating substance use among teens, you can say the bottom line on how the parent reacted if you did tell them, without using exact details, if you want further advice here.

And everyone telling OP to MYOB, unless OP has actually said something clearly to the parent, OP is MTOB because they haven't gotten involved yet and don't sound like they plan to.