Worried for friends teens. She is too involved with them and has few boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Europe, teens can drink at 15.

Years ago, yes. But now it's really 18 as the new standard drinking age in most countries in Western Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Example. Letting teen dd and her friends get wasted at dinner last weekend.

First, you put your money where your mouth is and do not let your daughter around them unsupervised by someone you actually trust to not let that happen. That may mean she doesn't go to their house anymore without you.

Second, recognize that your friend is an alcoholic. People with a healthy relationship to alcohol would not let a teenager get "wasted" at dinner. Never mind that it is illegal to serve alcohol to a minor who is not your kid. How long was dinner? How many drinks does it take to get wasted? That's a lot of alcohol in a short period of time and is actually quite dangerous for a kid. This is vastly different from letting your own child have one glass or a half glass of low alcohol wine with a meal.

Third, understand that what you are saying is that your friend committed several crimes and your child was the victim: service to a minor; aggravated or contributing to the delinquency of a minor; and if harm should come to the child or others caused by the intoxicated child, criminal negligence.

Fourth, please know that letting a kid drink is a common grooming technique for sexual predators and traffickers; not saying your friend is doing this, but it absolutely should raise a red flag and make you cautious.

Finally, beyond all that, now that your daughter drinks, you and she need to understand the correlation between alcohol and sexual assault. Protect her by helping her take this one step toward protecting herself from future bad situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worry about your own kids. She will live with the consequences of her in/actions .

You guys suck. OP is worried about her friend's TEENS. Maybe the parent will suffer the consequences of her actions, but the consequences involve the wellbeing of her CHILDREN. You guys are also such cowards who are always saying "Mind your own business", too afraid to say anything to anyone or maybe you just don't care enough to say anything to anyone. OP you said this person is a friend of yours, ask them what they're going to do if they turn out to be the gateway to their kids being stoners, or getting bad grades, or making really bad other decisions while wasted. Ask her why that's ok with her. You're right to worry for her and even more for her kids. None of this is your responsibility, but as a friend and as someone who cares about other children, you're right to be concerned and want to say something. So say something, kindly and not from a shaming place but from a "Hey, I'm really wondering about this" place. Good luck, hope you do it.

No, I disagree. These aren’t your kids. MYOB.

DP: Where is the line someone has to cross for you to know a child is in danger? What would it take for you to step in and protect a child?

Do you show this level of energy for all the drunk teenagers whose parents are enabling and allowing their drunkenness? You’ll be very busy. Full time job.

So your position is that if you can't help all children, don't bother with the one right in front of you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Example. Letting teen dd and her friends get wasted at dinner last weekend.

First, you put your money where your mouth is and do not let your daughter around them unsupervised by someone you actually trust to not let that happen. That may mean she doesn't go to their house anymore without you.

Second, recognize that your friend is an alcoholic. People with a healthy relationship to alcohol would not let a teenager get "wasted" at dinner. Never mind that it is illegal to serve alcohol to a minor who is not your kid. How long was dinner? How many drinks does it take to get wasted? That's a lot of alcohol in a short period of time and is actually quite dangerous for a kid. This is vastly different from letting your own child have one glass or a half glass of low alcohol wine with a meal.

Third, understand that what you are saying is that your friend committed several crimes and your child was the victim: service to a minor; aggravated or contributing to the delinquency of a minor; and if harm should come to the child or others caused by the intoxicated child, criminal negligence.

Fourth, please know that letting a kid drink is a common grooming technique for sexual predators and traffickers; not saying your friend is doing this, but it absolutely should raise a red flag and make you cautious.

Finally, beyond all that, now that your daughter drinks, you and she need to understand the correlation between alcohol and sexual assault. Protect her by helping her take this one step toward protecting herself from future bad situations.

Op. I don’t follow any of this. I don’t have a teen dd. I was at their house and friend has a teen DD. She’s young, maybe not even in high school yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mind your business
Don’t allow your kids in their spaces

Op. My kids have self selected not to hang out with them already. But I’m still friends with the parents, especially the mom. I want to shake her sometimes. She means well, I know, but blurs the boundaries with her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a family like this and the reason why you don’t say anything is because it won’t make any difference and it brings on trouble. It’s a level of dysfunction and a world view (they are likely huge drinkers themselves) that is no accident. It’s deeply embedded in who they are. The naïveté to think you’ll mention it to your friend and she’ll be like you know what you’re right. Please.

If you say something you’re likely cutting off the relationship entirely and this person will gossip about you to others and nothing will change. So if it’s it worth it to you, say something.

Op. they are not huge drinkers ironically although they do drink. But they are artsy/creative and very social, have tons of dinner parties, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Europe, teens can drink at 15.

What does that have to do with minors getting wasted under parent supervision?

You Americans are hopelessly helicopter-type people.

European teens drink at parties, at bars, and at family celebrations. In Europe, we do not infantilize the young people, until they suddenly turn 21.

[Anonymous]

Call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Europe, teens can drink at 15.

What does that have to do with minors getting wasted under parent supervision?

You Americans are hopelessly helicopter-type people.

European teens drink at parties, at bars, and at family celebrations. In Europe, we do not infantilize the young people, until they suddenly turn 21.

Op I think having a small glass of wine with adults is one thing. But letting a middle schooler (8th grade) get wasted in her room with her friends seems overboard to me

[Anonymous]

Do you know the friend’s names? Call their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worry about your own kids. She will live with the consequences of her in/actions .

You guys suck. OP is worried about her friend's TEENS. Maybe the parent will suffer the consequences of her actions, but the consequences involve the wellbeing of her CHILDREN. You guys are also such cowards who are always saying "Mind your own business", too afraid to say anything to anyone or maybe you just don't care enough to say anything to anyone. OP you said this person is a friend of yours, ask them what they're going to do if they turn out to be the gateway to their kids being stoners, or getting bad grades, or making really bad other decisions while wasted. Ask her why that's ok with her. You're right to worry for her and even more for her kids. None of this is your responsibility, but as a friend and as someone who cares about other children, you're right to be concerned and want to say something. So say something, kindly and not from a shaming place but from a "Hey, I'm really wondering about this" place. Good luck, hope you do it.

THANK YOU!!! The problem with society nowadays is that way too many people mind their own business and don't care about anyone else! A big part of what used to stop people from bad behavior is fear of what others will think of them. I am not saying to get involved with every single bit of your friends lives but for heaven's sake, I would definitely get involved when there are other kids on the line!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Example. Letting teen dd and her friends get wasted at dinner last weekend.

OMFG. Worry about your own damn kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Example. Letting teen dd and her friends get wasted at dinner last weekend.

OMFG. Worry about your own damn kid.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worry about your own kids. She will live with the consequences of her in/actions .

You guys suck. OP is worried about her friend's TEENS. Maybe the parent will suffer the consequences of her actions, but the consequences involve the wellbeing of her CHILDREN. You guys are also such cowards who are always saying "Mind your own business", too afraid to say anything to anyone or maybe you just don't care enough to say anything to anyone. OP you said this person is a friend of yours, ask them what they're going to do if they turn out to be the gateway to their kids being stoners, or getting bad grades, or making really bad other decisions while wasted. Ask her why that's ok with her. You're right to worry for her and even more for her kids. None of this is your responsibility, but as a friend and as someone who cares about other children, you're right to be concerned and want to say something. So say something, kindly and not from a shaming place but from a "Hey, I'm really wondering about this" place. Good luck, hope you do it.

THANK YOU!!! The problem with society nowadays is that way too many people mind their own business and don't care about anyone else! A big part of what used to stop people from bad behavior is fear of what others will think of them. I am not saying to get involved with every single bit of your friends lives but for heaven's sake, I would definitely get involved when there are other kids on the line!

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Europe, teens can drink at 15.

What does that have to do with minors getting wasted under parent supervision?

You Americans are hopelessly helicopter-type people.

European teens drink at parties, at bars, and at family celebrations. In Europe, we do not infantilize the young people, until they suddenly turn 21.

Cool story, Maja.