Teen (16 year old male) refuses to go to school

[Anonymous]

BTDT.

Have you sat down and talked to him? Asked him what he wants?

You need his buy-in for a plan to work. Put everything that is feasible on the table. Like, private school, online school or that he can get his GED and go get a job if that's what he wants. What does he want?

If he cannot articulate that he may be in a mental health crisis and a IOP or PHP can help him learn to communicate his feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contact the school counselor and tell them what is going on and ask for help.

I would do this in case the school has any insights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor's child benefited from a home visit from the truant officer in the middle of the school day and the possibility of an ankle tracking bracelet if attendance didn't improve drastically. I have no idea if they would actually do that, but the kid goes to school now.

Wow, didn't know they did that. That school really wants its fed money!
Kid might like an ankle monitor. Give them some street cred.

[Anonymous]

It would also contact the school. Attending school is legally required until 18 or graduation whichever comes first. I would also take the phone and any WiFi enabled devices plus change the wifi password and take any video games. No allowance or spending money. He gets meals at home and a warm place to sleep and that’s it.

But I would really try to find out what his long term plan is and be clear that he’s not mooching off you for the rest of his life. If he has no plan or doesn’t care then that sounds like depression.

Could he have any undiagnosed learning disabilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV.

This tactic leads to suicide in too many cases to be recommending this.

So youre saying the problem is self resolving?

[Anonymous]

OP, what is he doing during the day? Laying in bed and staring at the walls is one thing. Goofing around on his phone and ordering Door Dash constantly is something else. If he has a driver's license and access to a car and is going elsewhere during the day that's yet another issue.

[Anonymous]

Ignore all advice on this thread. Start a new one on the special needs forum. Send an email to the school counselor asap. Start there.

Many of us have been through this. Maybe your son is going through something minor. Maybe it’s something serious.

Mine had serious school refusal and then a complete mental health breakdown at 14. It was a rough road ahead for a long time. He’s a senior now going to college next year so there can be good news.

Tough love and taking things away to force school was not the answer in our situation.

[Anonymous]

And all of you suggesting GED, you can’t legally drop out in VA or test for it until you are 18. Believe me, we looked into it. I don’t know if OP is in VA. You can at 16 if you are in an approved program which isn’t easy to do or find and basically a high school equivalency program. -PP who researched everything to get my kid out quickly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV.

I think if OP could force her son to do chores all day, then she could force him to go to school. School refusal usually comes with chore refusal.

Sometimes. And most of the time it's just to see what they can get away with.

what do you suggest?

NP. Oh, so you've treated many school refusal cases, have you?

OP, if your kid will do chores but refuses school, I would have a talk with them about alternatives to their high school. What is it that they want? If they aren't interested in college, maybe they could get a GED or go to a trade school. Or homeschool or do dual enrollment and start earning college credits at community college (if that is a thing in your state). Sometimes 16 year old just want/need more agency. There are ways to succeed that don't follow the traditional path. Maybe an educational counselor can talk with them about options.

More likely, though, your kid will refuse both things. Then I think it's time to get mental health workers involved. Start by calling your school counselor (and maybe pediatrician). See what they recommend and if they can make a referral anywhere.

[Anonymous]

There is a private school in Tysons that basically teaches each child 1:1. There is no class of students. It is pricey but that approach worked for a colleague. Apologies, but I forget the name.

If it were my kid, I would wonder if some trauma happened at school that they are unable to verbalize.

[Anonymous]

Make him go to work with you. Either go to school or come to work and sit in mommy’s office all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a private school in Tysons that basically teaches each child 1:1. There is no class of students. It is pricey but that approach worked for a colleague. Apologies, but I forget the name.

It's called Fusion. They have locations in Rockville, Tyson's, Alexandria and Dupont Circle.

[Anonymous]

My son dropped out of school at 16. It started with school refusal and I just couldn't get him to go. We put him a couple of inpatient mental health places in Maryland and in Florida and they didn't work either. , he's now 19 he has his GED and works a low wage job. I worry about him because he has mental health issues. He's bipolar and chooses not to take his medication. Long story short OP I just want to give you hugs and let you know you're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV.

Yes. Cut the internet. Cut the streaming services. Take the tv’s, put them in your car trunk. Take his phone. Staying home should be so boring, so mundane, that he hates to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a private school in Tysons that basically teaches each child 1:1. There is no class of students. It is pricey but that approach worked for a colleague. Apologies, but I forget the name.

It's called Fusion. They have locations in Rockville, Tyson's, Alexandria and Dupont Circle.

There are private online schools too that are cheaper if Fusion is too expensive. They are very expensive. Step 1 is to contact the school. But know there are options out there. He might not need much to graduate. My kid graduated early from an online school.

To the other posters, when we took a professionals advice and made the house boring our kid stayed in bed almost 24/7. This was the start of a big mental heath crisis that was bigger than not liking school. We had to get help for that and take away all pressures before we get him back on track.

He’s doing well now but it took steps back and treatment. Hopefully that’s not OP’s situation.