Teen (16 year old male) refuses to go to school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV.

I think if OP could force her son to do chores all day, then she could force him to go to school. School refusal usually comes with chore refusal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV.

I think if OP could force her son to do chores all day, then she could force him to go to school. School refusal usually comes with chore refusal.

Sometimes. And most of the time it's just to see what they can get away with.

what do you suggest?

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry. This has to be so hard. My son did this in 7th grade so not exactly the same. He was in therapy once a month so we upped that to once a week. I got his school counselors involved.

Unfortunately one night I took him to the hospital ER for evaluation. He just was doing nothing! Just protesting everything! Worried about depression.

It was very serious that trip to the hospital (strip search). It scared him. But the message was that we were very serious about getting help or going to school.

His therapy center also moved mountains to get in him (more frequently) and they call back regularly two years later.

He has never refused school again. He is a freshman and doing well.

I don’t know if what we did was the right answer. My son’s story is a bit different.

I also firmly believe that school is not for everyone. There are alternatives out there. Online - graduate sooner.

[Anonymous]

What is the school counselor doing? This is a common issue and they should have some resources or guidance to help you.
Also, find a therapist who specializes in school refusal.
Third, does your kid hate school, or his school? Does he struggle academically? What is he interested in? Talk to him about options.

[Anonymous]

School or he is working a job.

He is too young for the military but would not hurt him to drive him around to talk to the military recruiters. They will push school.

[Anonymous]

Let the school now
Consider therapy
Where is this child's other parent? She/He is needed to assist ASAP
Is online school an option?

Also, what does this child think she/he should be doing all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Contact the school counselor and tell them what is going on and ask for help.

yes

[Anonymous]

This isn't defiance or laziness. This is a kid in some kind of crisis. Contact the school social worker and talk to them about what is going on at school and request help Yes, take all screens away at home but basically at 16 the next step is him running away from home.

If he wants to quit school there are avenues for that - ged, work, community college. It's not a great path but it is a path. There is also alternative school - again a path.

But he has to make a choice and choose a path. He isn't choosing now, he is hiding. Liek I said, next step is him being gone to intervene compassionately now. I knew kids like this in the 80s. They eventually chose an alternative path like GED and work and local college while "working on tehri music" or cosmetology school and ended up ok but some of them were flopping around at older kids' apartments for a while with no parent contact.

[Anonymous]

I have a family member with school refusal and serious mental health issues. Start by making home boring. That means, give the TVs to a friend to store, computers and phones get locked up, no leaving the house. School work, reading or chores.

My family member had all this happen. Guess what they would lay in bed and stare at the walls. They were depressed and burnt out. My guess is your son will choose to get back on track. But if he just stares at the walls ally day, you know there’s something deeper going on. Do NOT listen some random saying that this is a way to get a kid to commit suicide. Talk with a professional for advice, but also know depression usually has other signs. Not eating or eating too much. Not sleeping or sleeping too much. A desire to avoid social interaction is a telltale sign - sounds like that isn’t a problem. Hygiene slips. And on and on.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, school refusal is hard. Been there with my middle schooler. We tried a lot of solutions - but it took changing schools and a growth spurt to get him to go to school willingly.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to get his GED.

[Anonymous]

How is his GPA ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello,
My 16 year old male refuses to go to school. I need advice on how to 'make' him or what options I have. I have taken away privileges. And...it is not because he is being bullied. He just doesn't want to do school work.

I can take all the comments about bad parenting...I'm OK with that. I just need advice as what I am doing today is not working.

Maybe give some info on his background and what the school is like?

He might be better off just dropping out and getting a GED. Seriously. A HS diploma doesn't mean anything anymore, they hand them out like candy for just showing up.

On that note, just tell him not to worry about the grades, and just show up and be a nice student and do just enough to pass the classes he has to pass.

Or GED. Really, why not. He could get a job and start making money.

[Anonymous]

Counselors work with this frequently, I would get that started. You can also look into a new school environment. I know Commonwealth Academy helped a couple families with this.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor's child benefited from a home visit from the truant officer in the middle of the school day and the possibility of an ankle tracking bracelet if attendance didn't improve drastically. I have no idea if they would actually do that, but the kid goes to school now.