Teen (16 year old male) refuses to go to school
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Anonymous
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Hello,
My 16 year old male refuses to go to school. I need advice on how to 'make' him or what options I have. I have taken away privileges. And...it is not because he is being bullied. He just doesn't want to do school work. I can take all the comments about bad parenting...I'm OK with that. I just need advice as what I am doing today is not working. |
Anonymous
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If you've ruled out bullying and mental health issues and don't have any incentives that work, the only thing I can think of that's left is punishment. Take everything away except what he needs - which isn't much. Then when he goes to school, give it back.
Other alternatives include looking at a GED program, though if he's not wanting to do the work, that could be a problem. There are also residential programs with schools, but they are very expensive. There are lots of kids who do have school refusal for mental health reasons, so I'd really look at that first. |
Anonymous
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What does he want to do? Is he interested in any trades? Are there any classes that he likes? Is he open to bribery? Has he struggled academically or has he previously had good grades?
The answer of what to do is going to depend on the answers to those questions. |
Anonymous
| You’ll have to have a talk about his future plans. If he refuses education or training, he will need to get a job now and when 18, pay rent and portion of each utility. No excuses. He must work if not in education program. |
Anonymous
| My son is academically smart but just lazy and only wants to do what he wants to do. He wants to go out with his friends, play on his phone, etc. I have taken away his phone and have done my best to prevent him from going out when he is in trouble. For a period of time, he would run out of the house and go to a friend's house but I contacted some parents to find out where he went. When I found him, I asked the parent to make him leave. Now he just stays in his room and gets angry when I restrict him. |
Anonymous
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need more info
What kind of student has this child typically been? What's happening currently at school and with his grades? It's getting toward the end of first quarter of his junior year, which is a hard year. Is he panicking and shutting down? |
Anonymous
| Refusal to go to school is a mental health issue and you need to consult a counselor. |
Anonymous
| I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV. |
Anonymous
| Contact the school counselor and tell them what is going on and ask for help. |
Anonymous
| I just want to say that I'm sorry. This sucks. It must be really hard and incredibly frustrating. |
Anonymous
This tactic leads to suicide in too many cases to be recommending this. |
Anonymous
Is he is a broken home? Send him to live with his Dad? |
Anonymous
Nope. I'd put him in therapy too (perhaps that's the whole reason he is not going to school, honestly). But the last thing a 16 year old needs is to sit on his ass doing nothing. That leads to drug addiction and a life of crime. |
Anonymous
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OP I've had two acquaintances whose DDs didn't go to school either. I don't know what they eventually did, or didn't do, but just to let you know you're not alone. This was in CCDC.
hugs! |
Anonymous
As a parent of a kid with mental health issues, which led to school refusal among other things, I have never heard this. And despite many hospitalizations for suicide attempts, I was never warned to avoid this either. I have doubts about whether it is true. I also think that if I had a kid who was refusing to go to school because he's a lazy slug, I would make sure he understood what his life will be like without education and I would do that by removing everything except necessities from his life. |