Teen (16 year old male) refuses to go to school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son dropped out of school at 16. It started with school refusal and I just couldn't get him to go. We put him a couple of inpatient mental health places in Maryland and in Florida and they didn't work either. , he's now 19 he has his GED and works a low wage job. I worry about him because he has mental health issues. He's bipolar and chooses not to take his medication. Long story short OP I just want to give you hugs and let you know you're not alone.

Not to hijack the thread, but just wanted to share that after a period of school refusal and a lot of inpatient and outpatient treatment for bipolar, my son graduated with probably as low of grades as you can get and still graduate. That was only because of amazing teachers and social workers at a nonmainstream program. For the next 3 years he worked part time for minimum wage. Medication compliance was sketchy and he was a mess. Then one day he just decided to make a change. He’s now a straight A college student. It was not easy getting there, but he worked hard and still does. A big thing was getting a doctor to really listen him and prescribe what he needed. Just sharing because as long as they are alive, there is hope. Hoping for the best for your son and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all advice on this thread. Start a new one on the special needs forum. Send an email to the school counselor asap. Start there.

Many of us have been through this. Maybe your son is going through something minor. Maybe it’s something serious.

Mine had serious school refusal and then a complete mental health breakdown at 14. It was a rough road ahead for a long time. He’s a senior now going to college next year so there can be good news.

Tough love and taking things away to force school was not the answer in our situation.

I will call the school counselor this morning. I don't want to be mistaken thinking he is just being lazy if it's something bigger. I was worried about the front office talking about it and this getting out and him having people gossip about him but that seems silly now. Thanks everyone for your advice and not judging me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor's child benefited from a home visit from the truant officer in the middle of the school day and the possibility of an ankle tracking bracelet if attendance didn't improve drastically. I have no idea if they would actually do that, but the kid goes to school now.

They don't do this anymore, are you old? School attendance isn't enforced

[Anonymous]

OP, my kid's high school actually has a School Refusal Team in place with admin, counselors, and teachers. It wouldn't exist if it weren't needed. I hope you find similar support through your school.

[Anonymous]

School counselor is useless, this is a mental health issues or there is something else going on. You may need to home school or send to another private school. This is a common issue and why vouchers should be provided for all because public school isn't the right fit for all kidsm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor's child benefited from a home visit from the truant officer in the middle of the school day and the possibility of an ankle tracking bracelet if attendance didn't improve drastically. I have no idea if they would actually do that, but the kid goes to school now.

They don't do this anymore, are you old? School attendance isn't enforced

This was 2023. Where are you that they don't have attendance officers?

[Anonymous]

School can be a miserable experience for many. Do explore private tutoring if you can afford it--something like https://tri-edtutoring.com/ or any other, like Fusion.
Is there ANYTHING that interests him--woodworking, car maintenance? There could be vocational training programs that would get him on a track to a job. It's possible that there's just too much pressure from the "Yale or jail" crowd that he just withdrew. It's NOT unusual! I hope you find a path forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighbor's child benefited from a home visit from the truant officer in the middle of the school day and the possibility of an ankle tracking bracelet if attendance didn't improve drastically. I have no idea if they would actually do that, but the kid goes to school now.

They don't do this anymore, are you old? School attendance isn't enforced

This was 2023. Where are you that they don't have attendance officers?

DP.

They don’t do much anymore in FCPS.

And that’s ok, because high school isn’t for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Don't force, don't punish. Try to talk to him and just listen without being judgmental. It may seem like laziness to you on the outside, but that's not what he's actually feeling on the inside. How much sleep does he get?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all advice on this thread. Start a new one on the special needs forum. Send an email to the school counselor asap. Start there.

Many of us have been through this. Maybe your son is going through something minor. Maybe it’s something serious.

Mine had serious school refusal and then a complete mental health breakdown at 14. It was a rough road ahead for a long time. He’s a senior now going to college next year so there can be good news.

Tough love and taking things away to force school was not the answer in our situation.

I will call the school counselor this morning. I don't want to be mistaken thinking he is just being lazy if it's something bigger. I was worried about the front office talking about it and this getting out and him having people gossip about him but that seems silly now. Thanks everyone for your advice and not judging me.

You are quoting me and don’t worry about what they think. You aren’t lazy. Ignore all the negative posts and know there are many of us who have been through this. I hope you have an understanding counselor at school and I wish you the best. I haven’t checked but please post on SN if you haven’t already. They have been a great support for me over the years.

[Anonymous]

High school just isn’t for everyone. Maybe he could work instead ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School counselor is useless, this is a mental health issues or there is something else going on. You may need to home school or send to another private school. This is a common issue and why vouchers should be provided for all because public school isn't the right fit for all kidsm

I don’t think the school counselor is useless. They aren’t mental health professionals, but they know the different resources in your district. Most districts have alternative high school programs. I know ours has a virtual program and an in person alternative program that is small, fewer hours, with more teacher support: often for pregnant teens, teens that need to work more hours at a job, teens that just need more support and fewer school hours. See what pathways are available to get him a diploma.

The military recruiter angle could be helpful. As long as there isn’t actual mental health issues at play- otherwise, please don’t!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make his life so difficult at home that he would beg me to go to school. Like chores ALL DAY LONG. No internet, not phone, no TV.

This tactic leads to suicide in too many cases to be recommending this.

I completely agree.

OP my heart goes out to you and your boy. I haven’t dealt with this- but I had an eating disorder as a teen and know that I was in an entire WORLD of hurt and pain and didn’t know how to ask for help. Not trying to project anything at all onto your kid- I’m just saying he’s probably not a “bad kid” but he might be a hurting kid. It might be depression, or bullying he won’t admit, or girl issues. That said you don’t punish kids out of mental health issues- you love them through it. Not enable- not accept- but love them through it. Be his safe place to talk to not the projection of all that he might already be hard on himself about. Teach him how to open up rather than force him to buck against you. You’re a team not adversaries.

Get a therapist of MH evaluation is possible. But can you spend lots of time with the child?

[Anonymous]

The military recruiter angle could be helpful. As long as there isn’t actual mental health issues at play- otherwise, please don’t!

The military requires a GED or high school diploma. They don't take dropouts.

I wouldn't be completely against dropping out, but the kid would need to have some sort of well-thought-out plan (work, vocational training, etc.) that would lead to his being able to be self-sufficient. "I hate school" is not such a plan.

[Anonymous]

How about homeschooling or quasi-homeschooling through a co-op? Maybe the kid just needs a safe space vs the Lord of the Flies atmosphere of a typical high school.