Is my sister being rude or is this normal new parent behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not have children and attempt to socialize with my sister who has an almost 2 year old. I love my niece, she is precocious and adorable but I also miss socializing with my sister.

Since she gave birth to my niece it’s been really difficult to get her attention or meaningfully engage with her about any subject other than by niece!

She’ll invite me over to hang out, but will spend the entire time talking to and playing with my niece and following her around. Which I understand she must as that’s how toddlers are, but I’m not able to have any conversation with her at all except make comments about my niece! I’ll just sit there or follow my niece and sister around while she talks and engages with the little girl. I feel invisible!

After my niece goes to bed she will understandably be excited and go quiet and scroll her phone.

I miss my sister! And I miss having a relationship with her.

This is all normal stuff - on both sides. Normal for your sister to be deep into the motherhood phase of her life, especially with a 2 year old. That is really an intense phase. As an introvert, I found having a toddler really mentally and emotionally exhausting, so that on off times, I just wanted to go quiet and veg and have peace and not talk to anyone else.

Also normal for you as the sister to miss the old sister and the bond you used to share. For me, I didn't feel like I felt like myself until both of our kids were older than 7. And now that they're older than 10, I even feel more like myself.

I think if you want to stay bonded through these years, you have to make an effort to bond with your niece. They are a package deal now.

It's understandably hard to comprehend how it feels to have a human being completely reliant on you for their existence and well-being. It's a lot, especially the first go-around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

+1

[Anonymous]

Young moms are tired. Honestly I am reading this post and not understanding why someone would go visit a young tired mom for many many hours into the evening and not offer to take the kid out to the park for 30 mins so she can nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

You don't have to "sacrifice yourself" to not want to take on a childless bored sibling. It's positive to spend a lot of time with your baby/toddler. Once you develop that bond, you'll have a well-adjusted kid/teen/young adult, without a myriad of mental health issues. There are a lot of people out there who were neglected with moms/dads busy to be "people", who end up not knowing what to do with themselves down the road. If you don't want/cannot sacrifice yourself, there's no need to be a mom, live for yourself. Also, you need to consider that a young mom has now other people demanding her attention: spouse, parents, ILs who suddenly want to get to know her, other extended relatives. Oftentimes a young mom is so exhausted, she has no time for herself. A sister at the minimum could lessen that load, not add to it. As far as equality with men is concerned: most people, women or men, don't amount to anything significant one way or the other. What exactly have you accomplished that you think you're someone who has to be paid attention to? The least one could do is be a decent parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

You don't have to "sacrifice yourself" to not want to take on a childless bored sibling. It's positive to spend a lot of time with your baby/toddler. Once you develop that bond, you'll have a well-adjusted kid/teen/young adult, without a myriad of mental health issues. There are a lot of people out there who were neglected with moms/dads busy to be "people", who end up not knowing what to do with themselves down the road. If you don't want/cannot sacrifice yourself, there's no need to be a mom, live for yourself. Also, you need to consider that a young mom has now other people demanding her attention: spouse, parents, ILs who suddenly want to get to know her, other extended relatives. Oftentimes a young mom is so exhausted, she has no time for herself. A sister at the minimum could lessen that load, not add to it. As far as equality with men is concerned: most people, women or men, don't amount to anything significant one way or the other. What exactly have you accomplished that you think you're someone who has to be paid attention to? The least one could do is be a decent parent.

I can smell your sanctimonious ass through my phone.

[Anonymous]

It's not rude. But it can be annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

You don't have to "sacrifice yourself" to not want to take on a childless bored sibling. It's positive to spend a lot of time with your baby/toddler. Once you develop that bond, you'll have a well-adjusted kid/teen/young adult, without a myriad of mental health issues. There are a lot of people out there who were neglected with moms/dads busy to be "people", who end up not knowing what to do with themselves down the road. If you don't want/cannot sacrifice yourself, there's no need to be a mom, live for yourself. Also, you need to consider that a young mom has now other people demanding her attention: spouse, parents, ILs who suddenly want to get to know her, other extended relatives. Oftentimes a young mom is so exhausted, she has no time for herself. A sister at the minimum could lessen that load, not add to it. As far as equality with men is concerned: most people, women or men, don't amount to anything significant one way or the other. What exactly have you accomplished that you think you're someone who has to be paid attention to? The least one could do is be a decent parent.

Why do you keep saying "young mom?" You have no idea how old OP's sister is. You sound very tradwifey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Yes, we know. You’re focused on much more compelling subjects, like the color and consistency of your child’s shit.

I'm sure PP's childless friends listened to all that stuff about HER life before she had a kid. But know that she has a kid, their lives are meaningless and pointless.

So selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

People like you are dumb to come on here and make these types of arguments. You think women like PP care about feminism or even have jobs? She sounds like a homeschooling type. No point arguing with someone with the level of intellect who believes new/young moms can’t spare any time for anyone other than their children and spouse. My sister and I both have young children and find the time to have a close relationship and actually spend our time talking about our family of origin rather than our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

+100
Maybe I was on one end of the extreme, but I was so focused on keeping my toddler alive at home that sometimes I barely could keep up a conversation. And I had new mom anxiety with zero prior knowledge so I always felt like I was always on a steep learning curve.

Back in the day, new moms had a village- aunts, moms who lived together with them who could help, offer advice, cook. Today new moms don’t have that so it’s a lot, whether you are a working mom or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

You don't have to "sacrifice yourself" to not want to take on a childless bored sibling. It's positive to spend a lot of time with your baby/toddler. Once you develop that bond, you'll have a well-adjusted kid/teen/young adult, without a myriad of mental health issues. There are a lot of people out there who were neglected with moms/dads busy to be "people", who end up not knowing what to do with themselves down the road. If you don't want/cannot sacrifice yourself, there's no need to be a mom, live for yourself. Also, you need to consider that a young mom has now other people demanding her attention: spouse, parents, ILs who suddenly want to get to know her, other extended relatives. Oftentimes a young mom is so exhausted, she has no time for herself. A sister at the minimum could lessen that load, not add to it. As far as equality with men is concerned: most people, women or men, don't amount to anything significant one way or the other. What exactly have you accomplished that you think you're someone who has to be paid attention to? The least one could do is be a decent parent.

Why do you keep saying "young mom?" You have no idea how old OP's sister is. You sound very tradwifey.

DP but when I say “young mom” I mean “mom in the stage of life with young kids.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, I lost some friendships when I had my first. They were also childless and were clueless how much energy, time, and effort a baby/toddler takes. I simply didn't have energy to then pay attention to THEM that they were so craving. A new parents' life revolves around their kid and it's normal. Unfortunately childless adults in their mid-30s become a bit too much with their demands that THEY be the center of attention. What adult conversations? Complaining about your job, boyfriend, politics? As a new parent, one doesn't care about any of this. I've had heard it all already and had other priorities. Interestingly, as also evident in this post, paying attention to the baby/toddler is somehow too much. In reality, it's baby's/toddler's turn now.

Perfect example of smug, boring parental outlook.

Well, my priority is my children, OK? If yours is not, then sorry for your kids. The OP is craving attention, she says she feels invisible. Nobody cares about the invisibility of 30-something childless boring Karens. Maybe find something to occupy yourself with, instead of seeking attention from young parents?

This is why women will never have true equality with men. Men don’t sacrifice themselves and their individuality on the pyre of parenthood. They still find ways to be people outside of being parents. Women are apparently eager to just be milkbags.

You don't have to "sacrifice yourself" to not want to take on a childless bored sibling. It's positive to spend a lot of time with your baby/toddler. Once you develop that bond, you'll have a well-adjusted kid/teen/young adult, without a myriad of mental health issues. There are a lot of people out there who were neglected with moms/dads busy to be "people", who end up not knowing what to do with themselves down the road. If you don't want/cannot sacrifice yourself, there's no need to be a mom, live for yourself. Also, you need to consider that a young mom has now other people demanding her attention: spouse, parents, ILs who suddenly want to get to know her, other extended relatives. Oftentimes a young mom is so exhausted, she has no time for herself. A sister at the minimum could lessen that load, not add to it. As far as equality with men is concerned: most people, women or men, don't amount to anything significant one way or the other. What exactly have you accomplished that you think you're someone who has to be paid attention to? The least one could do is be a decent parent.

Why do you keep saying "young mom?" You have no idea how old OP's sister is. You sound very tradwifey.

DP but when I say “young mom” I mean “mom in the stage of life with young kids.”

The mom’s not young, the kids are. Have you lost the ability to communicate since you only speak to children?

[Anonymous]

You need to take her out to dinner and have daddy watch the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young moms are tired. Honestly I am reading this post and not understanding why someone would go visit a young tired mom for many many hours into the evening and not offer to take the kid out to the park for 30 mins so she can nap.

+1

Op is the rude one.