DD has a crush on her boyfriend's cousin and is asking me for advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those things she would never live down - people will be talking about it 30+ years later because it takes the cake as far as cruelty and shortsightedness. She doesn’t care enough about her boyfriend to consider his feelings, and the well-being of his family relationships, so she should definitely end their relationship. Under no circumstances should she date his cousin! S**t like that can fracture families. Just no.

This. Things persist forever in the era of the Internet. She breaks up with boyfriend and is single for a few months. Send her to a therapist to help her learn about dating boundaries or teach her yourself, but don’t let her go out and make a huge mess of this.

[Anonymous]

Teenagers fantasize scenarios and then write fake posts for entertainment.

[Anonymous]

So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So gross.

That’s mean

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants or values a homie hopper, OP. She needs to break up with her BF, immediately.

[Anonymous]

At 16 I would argue she is too young to have been dating one person for two years! For that reason alone she and BF should break up. Extra reason to beak up is she actually likes someone else. She should try being single for a while.

[Anonymous]

Who among us hasn’t had a crush on someone with whom a relationship would be inappropriate?

1) time to break up with boyfriend and not because of the cousin because it is clear she’s moved on from the relationship
2) she cannot date his cousin it’s inappropriate and she will need to understand this in the future.
3) take a break from having a boyfriend for a while

[Anonymous]

I can understand why the 16 year old DD is conflicted. But why OP, the parent is equally conflicted is bizarre. If one had a crush or likes someone else more than the person one is with, breaking up with the current partner is the right thing to do. Let’s assume OP isn’t the cheating kind, so advising the DD to do the right thing shouldn’t be this hard that requires her to crowd source.

[Anonymous]

Is she ready to be labeled a whore? Because people will have a whole lot to say and some kids will say it to her face

[Anonymous]

Your daughter probably thinks she’s like the main character in The Summer I Turned Pretty. In reality dating brothers/cousins/best friends always ends badly for the woman.

It’s such a gross way to push boundaries.

Can’t your daughter just stay out past curfew or get a belly ring or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:'could pull him if she wanted to'? Jeez. Tell her to breakup first and not to have another relationship till she grows up.

That's just how kids talk these days. Don't attribute nefarious intent.

But I agree. Break up with the bf. It's not fair to him. Be single for a while after that.

[Anonymous]

I'll bet after she breaks up with the BF she won't find the cousin all that attractive.
Because I think she might be a pot stirrer. That is, she might be attracted to the cousin because of the drama.

[Anonymous]

If the cousin was actually a good guy there is ZERO way he would hook up with her. Zero. He probably seems into her because boy would he wield some power if he were deemed "better" than his cousin. Just awful. She's too old to be in a 2 year relationship anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the cousin was actually a good guy there is ZERO way he would hook up with her. Zero. He probably seems into her because boy would he wield some power if he were deemed "better" than his cousin. Just awful. She's too old to be in a 2 year relationship anyway.

I meant young, obviously.

[Anonymous]

This also seems like a good opportunity to ask her to self-reflect on why she thinks she likes the cousin. If she can’t come up with at least 3 mature reasons, ask if she might be attracted to the feeling of being wanted by the cousin. Her comment on “pull”ing him if she wanted to suggests exactly that.

We want what we can’t have: an important lesson most teens learn the hard way.