DD has a crush on her boyfriend's cousin and is asking me for advice

[Anonymous]

The heart wants what it wants. But breakup with BF first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The right thing to do is for her to break up with the boyfriend and not date either of them. You realize how much family drama she will cause if she breaks up with one to date the other? She doesn't want to be that person to cause a permanent rift in the relationship between the cousins/parents over a high school romance.

Now, if they break up and the cousin wants to talk to the boyfriend and get his blessing, great. But they may need to wait a bit.

As someone who was once in a romantic triangle with two best friends, trust me, it's not worth the drama. 30 years later, I still wish I would have handled it better.

This, this, this. Break up with the boyfriend. That is obvious step one. Then chill and be single for a bit. There are a million fish in the sea. Why pick one that will cause problems in someone else's family. Is this a spin on TSITP?

That’s what I thought- been watching teen shows too much!

[Anonymous]

I agree she clearly needs to break up qith her boyfriend. She absolutely should NOT immediately pursue his cousin, that's way, way too messy.

[Anonymous]

Break up and under no circumstance tell him of her feelings for the cousin.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you should have taught her to suppress her emotions because you have raised her to be entitled. To think wherever the wind blows and whatever thought passes her mind.must be wonderful and no consideration for others.

I would be real with her about how problematic her attitude is. You could suggest she consider how shed feel if her boyfriend behaved the same but she's likely not capable of that kind of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The title says it all. DD (16) has been dating her boyfriend for two years now, but last night she confided to me that she likes his cousin (who also goes to their school) better. She also said that the cousin is clearly in love with her and said that she "could pull him if she wanted to". She explained that she knows that it wouldn't be right, but she really wants to and might. What do I do?? I don't want to encourage her to do this, but I also don't want her suppressing her true emotions. Maybe making dumb, crazy mistakes like this is just part of the teenage life?? She has been asking for my advice. What do I tell her?

She working on that reputation huh? If it's a large school she might could do that without it blowing up in her face.
Then again, there might be some Montel Williams worthy drama come from it.

[Anonymous]

You daughter watched The Summer I Turned Pretty and is romanticizing this. In real life, being that girl is never a good thing.

You should advise her to break up with her boyfriend. They’re teens. He’ll be fine. Your daughter will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sounds like your dd isn't quite mature enough to have a serious boyfriend. To start, she needs to break up and just be friends with the current boyfriend b/c it's not fair to him to "date" him if she likes someone else

+1

+2

Obviously she doesn’t really care about her current boyfriend and continuing that relationship is just cruel.

If she really liked the cousin, she shouldn’t “pull him” into a relationship with her that would cause him family strife. When you love someone, you want what’s best for them, not to hurt them.

Similarly, anyone who is willing to bust up a cousin’s relationship so they can date their girlfriend would be a big jerk and not the kind of person one should want a relationship with.

While it sounds like both the cousin and your daughter might prioritize physical attraction over honor, commitment, empathy, and emotional connection, as a parent you should be teaching her better. Since she is actually asking you for advice, you have a double responsibility (both as parent and advisor) to tell her this is a disaster and then teach her about healthy relationships.

[Anonymous]

I vote that you anonymously tell her boyfriend so he would break up with her.

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who STILL does not talk to her similar age cousin because that cousin "stole" her boyfriend in high school. They live in the same city and do not socialize ever, as 50 something year old women. Crazy!

Tell your DD that you cannot dump someone for their relative, EVER. She will be off to college and never see either of these dudes again, but it could cause bad blood between them forever.

[Anonymous]

Time to dump the boyfriend and not date the cousin. She will come across many men in her life she cannot date for a plethora of reasons.

[Anonymous]

They are not married. Why can’t she just date both boys?

[Anonymous]

Tell Belly to be kind to Conrad and Jere.

[Anonymous]

She's 16, a good time to learn from your mistakes. She should date both but keep it a secret.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those things she would never live down - people will be talking about it 30+ years later because it takes the cake as far as cruelty and shortsightedness. She doesn’t care enough about her boyfriend to consider his feelings, and the well-being of his family relationships, so she should definitely end their relationship. Under no circumstances should she date his cousin! S**t like that can fracture families. Just no.