Did your spouse confess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.

Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Never a spouse, but boyfriends.

One it took multiple grilling sessions to get the truth. Another never did but admitted to small things like texting exs. Another never did but pretty sure he did. Another one never did but he's married to that woman now.

So 4/5 never did admit it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.

Yeah right.

Um, yes. You don’t have to believe it, but we are still happily married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Confronted him and he tried to sell me a story for over a year about an infidelity he had that he thought would be less offensive to me than the infidelities I knew he had. He didn't give one thing up that he didn't think I already knew.

Unfortunately for him, I had a key logger installed on my computer (which he was dumb enough to use), the family mobile phone plan was in my name so I could see all the calls and texts, and the car was in my name so I could track it.

Also unfortunate for him, love and sex made him stupid and careless (or perhaps he always was and I just gave him more credit than he deserved).

TBH, I think I kicked him out more because of the stupidity of it all - he thought I was too stupid to figure anything out and he was too stupid to cover his tracks effectively. I couldn't live with that kind of stupid.

How can you see texts on the family phone plan - I’d like to monitor my teen

[Anonymous]

As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

Cheating is rarely about finding someone better; it’s far more often connected to unresolved personal trauma or unmet internal needs. The psychology behind it is complex, and framing it otherwise overlooks a substantial body of research on the subject.

So no, not everyone would cheat. Individuals with a stable internal framework generally don’t. But the motivations behind it are still understandable, even to those who would never make that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.

Yeah right.

Um, yes. You don’t have to believe it, but we are still happily married.

As a longtime reader of this forum, the chances that your spouse was truly remorseful and will never do it again and you can rebuild are minimal. I mean, it’s certainly possible, but we’ve seen so many women here who reconcile and stay with their cheater husband for years before he falls apart again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.

Yeah right.

Um, yes. You don’t have to believe it, but we are still happily married.

As a longtime reader of this forum, the chances that your spouse was truly remorseful and will never do it again and you can rebuild are minimal. I mean, it’s certainly possible, but we’ve seen so many women here who reconcile and stay with their cheater husband for years before he falls apart again.

Our situation was pretty unique and layered and nuanced, but his remorse is sincere. Our marriage isn’t the same marriage it was before, it’s different, and it’s better.

I realize it is always a possibility he will stray again, but I also know that’s true for anyone. It’s a risk I’m willing to take with a man I’ve built a life with. Everyone has secrets and demons, and you never know if or how they’ll come to the surface one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

And then what?

And then I said we're getting divorced. He became suicidal. I stayed because I couldnt let my toddler and preschooler be with a suicidal person half the time. He got stable, I kicked him out, got unstable- dui, lost his job, and has been unemployed for 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confronted him and he tried to sell me a story for over a year about an infidelity he had that he thought would be less offensive to me than the infidelities I knew he had. He didn't give one thing up that he didn't think I already knew.

Unfortunately for him, I had a key logger installed on my computer (which he was dumb enough to use), the family mobile phone plan was in my name so I could see all the calls and texts, and the car was in my name so I could track it.

Also unfortunate for him, love and sex made him stupid and careless (or perhaps he always was and I just gave him more credit than he deserved).

TBH, I think I kicked him out more because of the stupidity of it all - he thought I was too stupid to figure anything out and he was too stupid to cover his tracks effectively. I couldn't live with that kind of stupid.

How can you see texts on the family phone plan - I’d like to monitor my teen

They should be on your phone carriers app

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.

Yeah right.

Um, yes. You don’t have to believe it, but we are still happily married.

As a longtime reader of this forum, the chances that your spouse was truly remorseful and will never do it again and you can rebuild are minimal. I mean, it’s certainly possible, but we’ve seen so many women here who reconcile and stay with their cheater husband for years before he falls apart again.

Our situation was pretty unique and layered and nuanced, but his remorse is sincere. Our marriage isn’t the same marriage it was before, it’s different, and it’s better.

I realize it is always a possibility he will stray again, but I also know that’s true for anyone. It’s a risk I’m willing to take with a man I’ve built a life with. Everyone has secrets and demons, and you never know if or how they’ll come to the surface one day.

Everyone thinks their relationship is “unique and layered and nuanced” and it probably is because relationships are unique. And you are taking an extra risk by staying with a man who has cheated before. That’s something that’s broken in him and a way he coped. Maybe he is reformed but the odds are just depressingly low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

Cheating is rarely about finding someone better; it’s far more often connected to unresolved personal trauma or unmet internal needs. [b]The psychology behind it is complex, and framing it otherwise overlooks a substantial body of research on the subject.

So no, not everyone would cheat. Individuals with a stable internal framework generally don’t. But the motivations behind it are still understandable, even to those who would never make that choice.

It's not complex at all. Most people cheat for sex. The fill in the gap for the lack of sex in their relationship. That's a simple desire. The motivation to cheat is not complex. Substantial body of research my a$$. Cheaters aren't talking to "researchers."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

Cheating is rarely about finding someone better; it’s far more often connected to unresolved personal trauma or unmet internal needs. [b]The psychology behind it is complex, and framing it otherwise overlooks a substantial body of research on the subject.

So no, not everyone would cheat. Individuals with a stable internal framework generally don’t. But the motivations behind it are still understandable, even to those who would never make that choice.

It's not complex at all. Most people cheat for sex. The fill in the gap for the lack of sex in their relationship. That's a simple desire. The motivation to cheat is not complex. Substantial body of research my a$$. Cheaters aren't talking to "researchers."

You sir have no idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

Cheating is rarely about finding someone better; it’s far more often connected to unresolved personal trauma or unmet internal needs. [b]The psychology behind it is complex, and framing it otherwise overlooks a substantial body of research on the subject.

So no, not everyone would cheat. Individuals with a stable internal framework generally don’t. But the motivations behind it are still understandable, even to those who would never make that choice.

It's not complex at all. Most people cheat for sex. The fill in the gap for the lack of sex in their relationship. That's a simple desire. The motivation to cheat is not complex. Substantial body of research my a$$. Cheaters aren't talking to "researchers."

You sir have no idea what you are talking about.

You just have to ignore them. So much ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a faithful husband I read all these stories about wives forgiving and staying with their POS hubbies and I feel like I am missing something lol..Maybe I should have an affair too cause DW will probably forgive me.

Nah she is the perfect woman for me. There is nothing another woman can/will offer me that my wife hasn't/won't offer me.

Doormat mentality is real.