Did your spouse confess?

[Anonymous]

Once you found out about the affair, did your spouse keep on pushing for evidence or accepted what you said?

[Anonymous]

I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

Please tell us you didn't stick with this ahole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

Did you stay w him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

Same.

He was done. I didn’t really have proof- but full confession and I mean everything. It checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.

Please tell us you didn't stick with this ahole

Divorce will be final very shortly!

[Anonymous]

Nope. I caught him out with irrefutable evidence. At that point he tried to tell me about how he had actually ended it with his girlfriend a few weeks before because she was high maintenance and didn't appreciate him. Seriously... like I was supposed to... offer him sympathy?

It was the most bizarre conversation I have ever had.

[Anonymous]

No, I asked for months and finally confronted her with proof. Even after that she didn’t share much. We divorced. That was a long time ago and it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

My stbx (filed recently) has this funny thing where he somehow believes lies of omission are OK, but direct lies make him feel guilty. (Adultery is OK as long as you don't lie too hard about it guys!) So for his first affair ten years ago, he confessed after about five minutes. However, he left out the whole physical affair part (and did deny it when asked), so there were a couple of weeks of trickle truthing.

This time around, he left suddenly a year ago with some vague words about being unhappy. And since it was clearly over, I didn't try too hard to figure out the "why" . . . I think I was relieved. But after six weeks an acquaintance reached out to say he'd heard we were separated and was there any chance my husband and his wife . . . And we put that together quickly (not least of all because my stbx had forgotten to stop sharing his location with me until I asked). We decided that I would do the confronting because his wife is a very committed liar.

It took me 30 seconds to get a confession. Basically I just said, "I know you are and how I know doesn't matter" and I just let it hang in the air. He knows better than to try to outwit me.

Hilariously, her husband waited three weeks to confront her at therapy, and in that time my husband didn't warn her that I knew. So he said, "I know you're sleeping with him," and she denied denied denied, and finally she said, "I don't know where you think you're getting your information from" and he said, "from what he told his wife." Ha ha ha. Mic drop.

Anyway, a year has passed and I am so happy to be off the merry go round. They're still together, though she's never admitted it. She goes to a church where they would rebuke her for the sin of adultery so I guess that's why. I'd rather a) not a be a hypocrite and b) not go to a church that would involve itself in my sex life. But that's just me.

I will say that my stbx's relative lack of gaslighting has made coparenting easier. We are able to sit together at events, share rides, chat casually, text about random stuff, etc. His girlfriend and her ex are not able to do those things. And I can understand why her blame shifting and lying to him to this very day make it impossible to be chummy.

[Anonymous]

Confronted him and he tried to sell me a story for over a year about an infidelity he had that he thought would be less offensive to me than the infidelities I knew he had. He didn't give one thing up that he didn't think I already knew.

Unfortunately for him, I had a key logger installed on my computer (which he was dumb enough to use), the family mobile phone plan was in my name so I could see all the calls and texts, and the car was in my name so I could track it.

Also unfortunate for him, love and sex made him stupid and careless (or perhaps he always was and I just gave him more credit than he deserved).

TBH, I think I kicked him out more because of the stupidity of it all - he thought I was too stupid to figure anything out and he was too stupid to cover his tracks effectively. I couldn't live with that kind of stupid.

[Anonymous]

Nope, she denied, denied, denied even after I told her exactly what I knew. I said to her, I'm not asking you what you did so don't answer questions with lies that I didn't ask. I'm telling what I know. Eventually she promised to tell me the whole truth but only admitted to what I already knew, nothing more. Lying wasn't something she did, it was ingrained in who who was. She wasn't capable of an honest relationship. I should have known by the women she kept as girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

For those of you who got confessions or not, did you stay or divorced? Did you have kids?

[Anonymous]

She partially confessed after I had tons of proof, does that count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who got confessions or not, did you stay or divorced? Did you have kids?

I stayed the first time. The second time he said his friend's name in his sleep. When I confronted him, he said tearfully, "I'm trapped because I can't hurt you like that again!" Yes, poor poor him, stuck with me because he already blew his get out of jail free card. So I said, "Um, you can always leave. That's always an option. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me."

I think it was "just" an emotional affair at that point, just from how genuinely he seemed to feel sorry for himself, and because he admitted to sleeping with her the second he left me (so with both of us less than a week apart). If he was going to lie, surely he would have done it better. But also, he's a lying cheater, so I'll never know for sure. And it doesn't matter. I know everything I need to know.

I'm much, much happier now. He's a much better ex-husband than husband (and he's not that good of an ex-husband, ha).

[Anonymous]

No, denied and denied then he caught an STD. Still tried to say it could be me but there was NO way. I’d only had sex with him in the last 20 yrs. Next, he said it was once years ago and over. However, I found condoms recently ordered - but it was only once…but wait, there is more. Slowly trickled out over a month.