Would you get involved with an alcoholic in recovery?

[Anonymous]

Addiction has a genetic component.

[Anonymous]

No way

[Anonymous]

And of course environment matters. We are basically collective of a dozen people close to ys.

[Anonymous]

https://nida.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/2023/03/new-nih-study-reveals-shared-genetic-markers-underlying-substance-use-disorders

[Anonymous]

There are a gazillion people in Hollywood in recovery. Getting invited to certain Meetings is basically a status symbol.

They are not lacking in dates.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. It's not something that ever goes away, and if it roars back, your life will rapidly fall apart.

[Anonymous]

I am married to an addict. I didn't think he was one when we met.

However, over time, with stresses, he drank too much, ate too much, did drugs too much.

He has quit various things but still drinks and works too much.

It is all too much. There is a strong genetic component. Addicts have a personality that wants to escape things and they just go from one thing to another and often have family members with the same habits.

If I could go rewind, I would and start over with someone who does not cope with stress this way.

[Anonymous]

No. My DH is an alcoholic.

Echoing what so many have said- the risk of relapse is always there, especially when under stress. The genetic component is a risk to any kids, and usually the alcoholic also has alcoholic family members (and the drama will seep into your marriage and family). Also a good chance the alcoholic has a parent who also has struggled with alcohol.

Just not a good idea. Plenty of other fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

No. You will always have fear in the pit of your stomach that he will relapse. You will never have a normal life with someone with addiction or mental health issues- I speak from experience. You will spend the rest of your life trying to protect your Dc and trying to manage the situation so that if he relapses, you can be safe. Having your DC watch your spouse decline and refuse help- it will ruin you in ways you cannot imagine.

[Anonymous]

He has ADHD and who know what else. He can stop drinking, but then there's always something else like food.
Be a friend if you must, but be ready to get the heck out.
He will take you down and then you will need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Addiction has a genetic component.

+1. I should have paid attention before I proposed to my ex wife because her father was a drunk and she always complained about that. She turned into a bigger drunk. It got so bad she lost her teeth, her job and for course custody.

Stay away from alcoholics. They cannot be saved.

It's my fault as well because I don't drink at all and wanted a life with someone similar. But then I fell in love with my ex. I also should have noticed when we were dating because she was drinking very single week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people who have been sober for decades - but relapse is always a possibility and stress is a major trigger. Does he know why he became an alcoholic and food addict? Was it childhood trauma? Because all of that gets triggered while raising children and he has to have clear plans for coping with triggers and not repeating negative patterns.

Obviously it’s a risk. But most people have baggage and marrying someone who hasn’t even acknowledged his yet and might have no capacity to work a 12 step program and hold themselves accountable is worse to find yourself in than being with someone who knows how to work on himself.

This. Someone who knows their 'stuff' and is willing to work on it is a much safer bet than someone who doesn't seem to have stuff (because we all do), or worse, thinks they don't have stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Addictive personalities don't change. The only thing that changes is the area of unhealthy hyperfocus: he's already gone from alcohol to food to exercise. What's next? Sex? Gambling? Drugs? Extreme sports? Old man soccer? Sudoku? Anything can become a problem if you devote excessive time and energy to it, to the detriment of your other connections and responsibilities.

You realize most people are addicts, right? That we only stigmatize some addictions (while praising others) doesn't mean that only alcoholics and drug users are addicts

[Anonymous]

Ruuuun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Children also inherit their parents' recovery. If you have tools to give your kids, you do. If you don't, you can't.