Would you get involved with an alcoholic in recovery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Addictive personalities don't change. The only thing that changes is the area of unhealthy hyperfocus: he's already gone from alcohol to food to exercise. What's next? Sex? Gambling? Drugs? Extreme sports? Old man soccer? Sudoku? Anything can become a problem if you devote excessive time and energy to it, to the detriment of your other connections and responsibilities.

Some truth to that for sure.

But also, over 95% of people have some form of addiction.

Just look at the obesity rates to see one of the largest addictions, overeating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Most people have the capacity to become an addict. Have some humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people who have been sober for decades - but relapse is always a possibility and stress is a major trigger. Does he know why he became an alcoholic and food addict? Was it childhood trauma? Because all of that gets triggered while raising children and he has to have clear plans for coping with triggers and not repeating negative patterns.

Obviously it’s a risk. But most people have baggage and marrying someone who hasn’t even acknowledged his yet and might have no capacity to work a 12 step program and hold themselves accountable is worse to find yourself in than being with someone who knows how to work on himself.

This.

[Anonymous]

No


No


No

[Anonymous]

Might want to avoid people who are divorced also.
Or had too many sexual partners.
Or buys too many shoes.
Or drinks soda everyday.
Or is overweight even in the slightest, they might plump up again.

So many things to obsess about.

[Anonymous]

No, because it is a personality profile.
Not all people with it become addicted but if they do, it means they are prone to it. They can be cured but then they get addicted to religion of healthy lifestyle or something else.
In short, no. Just like I wouldn’t get involved with people with personality disorders or autism or even probably type 1 diabetes or colorblindness.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. Next question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might want to avoid people who are divorced also.
Or had too many sexual partners.
Or buys too many shoes.
Or drinks soda everyday.
Or is overweight even in the slightest, they might plump up again.

So many things to obsess about.

The last two are things to avoid for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Most people have the capacity to become an addict. Have some humility.

Yes, but the children of addicts have a significantly increased risk of becoming an addict. It’s something to consider. It is not about humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Most people have the capacity to become an addict. Have some humility.

DP. It’s a personality profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Most people have the capacity to become an addict. Have some humility.

DP. It’s a personality profile.

No, it’s not a personality profile. It’s genetic, biological, environmental, social, and psychological.

I’m not saying this particular person is a winner, but there are always going to be things that you or your spouse could pass down to your kids- from a propensity towards obesity to low(er) IQ to being short to balding to being predisposed to OCD, ASD, ADHD, depression, bipolar, anxiety, to an unattractive appearance. It’s endless. No one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

OP - I asked this exact same question on DCUM a few months ago about a guy I really cared about who had been sober for a few years.

I ended up decided not to pursue a relationship with him and we remained friends.

A couple weeks ago he relapsed, badly, and it ended with him both using drugs and using sex workers.

I am VERY glad I decided not to date him. I think it is just too risky to date an addict.

[Anonymous]

^^ No one’s perfect, but an alcoholic in recovery would be a deal breaker. Never know what would set off that bomb.

[Anonymous]

No. Addicts can be charming as dates but not as spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once you have kids you will always worry that they inherited the addictive traits.

Most people have the capacity to become an addict. Have some humility.

You should have humility AND know statistics.