Family Addiction Dynamics: Abandonment, Enabling, Harm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been there, done that. No relationship with grandparents or his relatives. It becomes too unhealthy when kids realize the grands are enabling him in self destruction and his neglect of family. His family made a choice and they must live with it. They can always make a different choice, then things might change.

Thank you. I needed to hear this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s their child - no matter how bad he was to you they are not going to abandon him. What is it you expect them to do?

Can your kids have phone calls with them?

Healthy parents love their child but set firm limits — they’ll pay for treatment or housing tied to recovery, but won’t bankroll addiction or excuse harm. Unhealthy parents confuse enabling with love, denying the addiction, funding destructive choices, and protecting the addict’s comfort over their grandchildren’s well-being. The difference is boundaries versus collusion.

Currently, they are handing him over $100k annually to get drunk all day every day.

How do you know that and why do you caes? Not your concern now.

Statements were shared during divorce discovery. When the grandparents give him money, they’re essentially saying, ‘We agree with and support what you’re doing.’ And what that really means is, ‘We support you harming and neglecting your kids.’

Nahh.
Sounds like you want some of that money from his parents..

Ain’t happening. Move on.

Nope. Never asked them for a dime and never will. I figured at some point they’d stop shoveling him cash once they saw where it was going, and that he’d eventually be forced to admit he’s not “fine.” Instead, they bankroll his addiction, hide behind “there’s nothing we can do,” and pretend my kids don’t exist. Meanwhile, their other grandkids—same ages—are treated like gold, best friends, always visiting. The contrast is brutal. My sweet kids who did nothing wrong are left with silence. It’s their loss but it sure stings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s their child - no matter how bad he was to you they are not going to abandon him. What is it you expect them to do?

Can your kids have phone calls with them?

Healthy parents love their child but set firm limits — they’ll pay for treatment or housing tied to recovery, but won’t bankroll addiction or excuse harm. Unhealthy parents confuse enabling with love, denying the addiction, funding destructive choices, and protecting the addict’s comfort over their grandchildren’s well-being. The difference is boundaries versus collusion.

Currently, they are handing him over $100k annually to get drunk all day every day.

How do you know that and why do you caes? Not your concern now.

Statements were shared during divorce discovery. When the grandparents give him money, they’re essentially saying, ‘We agree with and support what you’re doing.’ And what that really means is, ‘We support you harming and neglecting your kids.’

Nahh.
Sounds like you want some of that money from his parents..

Ain’t happening. Move on.

Nope. Never asked them for a dime and never will. I figured at some point they’d stop shoveling him cash once they saw where it was going, and that he’d eventually be forced to admit he’s not “fine.” Instead, they bankroll his addiction, hide behind “there’s nothing we can do,” and pretend my kids don’t exist. Meanwhile, their other grandkids—same ages—are treated like gold, best friends, always visiting. The contrast is brutal. My sweet kids who did nothing wrong are left with silence. It’s their loss but it sure stings.

My guess is they think you overreacted by getting supervised visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s their child - no matter how bad he was to you they are not going to abandon him. What is it you expect them to do?

Can your kids have phone calls with them?

Healthy parents love their child but set firm limits — they’ll pay for treatment or housing tied to recovery, but won’t bankroll addiction or excuse harm. Unhealthy parents confuse enabling with love, denying the addiction, funding destructive choices, and protecting the addict’s comfort over their grandchildren’s well-being. The difference is boundaries versus collusion.

Currently, they are handing him over $100k annually to get drunk all day every day.

How do you know that and why do you caes? Not your concern now.

Statements were shared during divorce discovery. When the grandparents give him money, they’re essentially saying, ‘We agree with and support what you’re doing.’ And what that really means is, ‘We support you harming and neglecting your kids.’

Nahh.
Sounds like you want some of that money from his parents..

Ain’t happening. Move on.

Nope. Never asked them for a dime and never will. I figured at some point they’d stop shoveling him cash once they saw where it was going, and that he’d eventually be forced to admit he’s not “fine.” Instead, they bankroll his addiction, hide behind “there’s nothing we can do,” and pretend my kids don’t exist. Meanwhile, their other grandkids—same ages—are treated like gold, best friends, always visiting. The contrast is brutal. My sweet kids who did nothing wrong are left with silence. It’s their loss but it sure stings.

My guess is they think you overreacted by getting supervised visitation.

Hmm. Instead of facing the reality — that their son is so unfit that a judge, after reviewing a preponderance of evidence, ruled him guilty of abuse and unworthy of being around children without supervision — they point the finger at me for ‘overreacting’? Ok…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s their child - no matter how bad he was to you they are not going to abandon him. What is it you expect them to do?

Can your kids have phone calls with them?

Healthy parents love their child but set firm limits — they’ll pay for treatment or housing tied to recovery, but won’t bankroll addiction or excuse harm. Unhealthy parents confuse enabling with love, denying the addiction, funding destructive choices, and protecting the addict’s comfort over their grandchildren’s well-being. The difference is boundaries versus collusion.

Currently, they are handing him over $100k annually to get drunk all day every day.

How do you know that and why do you caes? Not your concern now.

Statements were shared during divorce discovery. When the grandparents give him money, they’re essentially saying, ‘We agree with and support what you’re doing.’ And what that really means is, ‘We support you harming and neglecting your kids.’

Nahh.
Sounds like you want some of that money from his parents..

Ain’t happening. Move on.

Nope. Never asked them for a dime and never will. I figured at some point they’d stop shoveling him cash once they saw where it was going, and that he’d eventually be forced to admit he’s not “fine.” Instead, they bankroll his addiction, hide behind “there’s nothing we can do,” and pretend my kids don’t exist. Meanwhile, their other grandkids—same ages—are treated like gold, best friends, always visiting. The contrast is brutal. My sweet kids who did nothing wrong are left with silence. It’s their loss but it sure stings.

Serious question...
Why do you care how your ex inlaws spend their money?