Son is lost and really stressed out

[Anonymous]

Why is he even going to college? He needs to concentrate on his mental health.
Mine is going to community college starting this September. He already has 30 credits, will live at home, and get a job. He will still take 2 years to finish it.
He has zero mental health or physical problems. Why does mine get to take life easy even though he is capable of so much more. While your child goes OOS and struggles alone far away. Did you not know that it may be too much for him or he doesn't listen?

[Anonymous]

So many illnesses of the body can trigger extreme mood disorders. Thyroid and parathyroid disorders can do that, for example. Some deficiencies can exacerbate already existing mental health issues. He needs extended bloodwork, and you can be blunt with his doctors and tell them that you are looking for comprehensive testing to explore all possibilities, before focusing entirely on the mental aspect.

This! My daughter's severe anxiety and depression turned out to be undiagnosed autoimmune disease (Hashimoto's thyroiditis, celiac, and MCAS). Her TSH and T4 were normal, but her TPO antibodies were off the charts, causing her mood symptoms. I firmly believe anyone who presents with sudden, non-situational anxiety or depression should have a full workup for latent autoimmune issues, infections, and other conditions causing neuroinflammation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is he even going to college? He needs to concentrate on his mental health.
Mine is going to community college starting this September. He already has 30 credits, will live at home, and get a job. He will still take 2 years to finish it.
He has zero mental health or physical problems. Why does mine get to take life easy even though he is capable of so much more. While your child goes OOS and struggles alone far away. Did you not know that it may be too much for him or he doesn't listen?

Don’t worry your kid won’t go anywhere in life anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting him live at home and not pay rent, not work, and not go to school?

Sign him up for cc classes tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter did this too. It’s not the end of the world. Tell him he has to register for community college classes, at least two or three. And get a part-time job immediately.
He has to keep making progress, and progress is different for everybody. It’s fine to make mistakes you just have to learn from them and do better.

I agree it's not the end of the world and this approach is a good ons. I have several friends who did this after either getting bad grades away at school or being dismissed. They were all able to community college and get a 3.0 and either re-enter the previous school or apply to a new college.

[Anonymous]

What I’ve found for my son who has mental health issues that have gotten in the way of being able to keep pace with kids his age is that success breeds success. It started with little things - getting a job, saving money, registering for a class, showing up for the class, doing something that was hard for him that most would find easy.

We got there by really small steps and me helping a lot, but of course you can’t force an adult. I helped with job applications and drove him to interviews. I did the class registration for him (he was present with me). I made the appointment with the college counselor and went with him. It took awhile (like years) but he is now independent and has a plan. And I have become an extremely patient person in the meantime - nothing happened fast.

Good luck. This is probably going to be a tough few weeks with school starting so you might want to be extra vigilant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he even going to college? He needs to concentrate on his mental health.
Mine is going to community college starting this September. He already has 30 credits, will live at home, and get a job. He will still take 2 years to finish it.
He has zero mental health or physical problems. Why does mine get to take life easy even though he is capable of so much more. While your child goes OOS and struggles alone far away. Did you not know that it may be too much for him or he doesn't listen?

.

Don’t worry your kid won’t go anywhere in life anyway.

I'd rather my kid ended up "going nowhere" than turning out mean and bitter like you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he even going to college? He needs to concentrate on his mental health.
Mine is going to community college starting this September. He already has 30 credits, will live at home, and get a job. He will still take 2 years to finish it.
He has zero mental health or physical problems. Why does mine get to take life easy even though he is capable of so much more. While your child goes OOS and struggles alone far away. Did you not know that it may be too much for him or he doesn't listen?

.

Don’t worry your kid won’t go anywhere in life anyway.

I'd rather my kid ended up "going nowhere" than turning out mean and bitter like you, PP.

That’s fair pp but read your post to OP. I think you sound as mean and bitter as me. Op is having a real life issue, I don’t understand why you have to be so mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting him live at home and not pay rent, not work, and not go to school?

+1
You and your spouse should prob set some boundaries and ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 year old son flunked out of college this past spring and came home depressed. He’s on a couple meds and seeing a therapist and seemed to be doing better but no job and no plans for the future. Now that all his friends are about to leave for college he’s freaking out and is too stressed out to think of what his future plans may be i.e. get a job, go to community college etc. I don’t know how to help him because I feel like it’s on him to figure out next steps. He really wants to return where he was, which was OOS, but that’s not possible given the current state of his mental health and his GPA is too low to transfer anywhere. He says he’s completely stuck. Any advice? He’s on some pretty heavy meds already and I suggested he bump up his therapy appts but otherwise I have nothing to offer and feel helpless. Thank you for suggestions on how to help turn things around. He feels being at home is just the worst thing in the world.

Kick him out of the house. He needs to put on his big boy pants and be a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think asking him to take 2-3 community college classes is a good place to start. It’s a light course load and is moving him in the direction of his goal without being overwhelming. I don’t think it’s too late for community college enrollment but maybe do some research on his behalf so he has one less obstacle. Right now, the goal is progress - one step in front of the other. Even small steps move him in the right direction. Doing nothing is moving him backward. It’s good you’ve made sure he’s receiving therapy and meds. If he can’t register for classes for some reason, a part-time job is worth pursuing as it will offer some structure and confidence (even if he balks at first). DD’s close friend from HS dropped out freshman year and then lived at home and worked at an ice cream shop while she did therapy for depression. It was a slow process but at 22, she went back to school at a community college and did really well. She is on track to transfer to a 4 year college. She will finish college later than her friends but that’s ok. It’s not a race.

Thank you for this and the reminder from you and others that baby steps are the goal. We’ve been at this awhile and I feel partially stuck too. Most of the comments gave me some ideas for next steps so thank you DCUM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he even going to college? He needs to concentrate on his mental health.
Mine is going to community college starting this September. He already has 30 credits, will live at home, and get a job. He will still take 2 years to finish it.
He has zero mental health or physical problems. Why does mine get to take life easy even though he is capable of so much more. While your child goes OOS and struggles alone far away. Did you not know that it may be too much for him or he doesn't listen?

.

Don’t worry your kid won’t go anywhere in life anyway.

I'd rather my kid ended up "going nowhere" than turning out mean and bitter like you, PP.

That’s fair pp but read your post to OP. I think you sound as mean and bitter as me. Op is having a real life issue, I don’t understand why you have to be so mean.

?? I didn't post the one you were replying to. I just thought your post was mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He cannot just sit there and languish. His depression will worsen. He needs to be productive either with work or community college or both.

I think this. He needs to be busy. Sit down with him and brainstorm some options for him to start to work towards a better path. CC, job, both? Exercise plan. He can then discuss his options with his therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you letting him live at home and not pay rent, not work, and not go to school?

+1 he needs a kick in the pants.

I’d add ‘go to the gym’ to the list above.

I did the exact same thing as him after learning the hard way I wasn’t cut out to be an engineer. I lived at home one semester, worked 2 full time jobs, and went to our in state university in the spring. I took summer and winter classes to get my gpa up Now a happily employed attorney.

This isn’t the exact same thing. It doesn’t sound like you had mental health issues. OP’s son’s priority has been going to therapy and getting on the correct meds; he needed to get stable first, before figuring out the next steps.

I understand that, but he’s got to do something. He can’t just sit at home.

[Anonymous]

Community college and tutors. Get him adhd meds if he needs it. Once his grades are good he can transfer to a university.

Honestly it’s not the end of the world! Sometimes everyone messes up.