Had an argument with an old friend and they brought in lots of petty off topic jabs, including a dig about my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this. I do not have fights with my friends. If someone wants to fight, they aren’t much fun to be around.

Op. Yeah, she’s argumentative. It’s fine. It was a fairly silly discussion but then turned ugly. And fwiw she didn’t insult my husband substantively as some people want to assume (lots of negative trolls on here, it seems) but she made a flip comment about me having my husband to run to. Just dumb. And yea, she’s not married and has said she’s lonely, and I know there’s some resentment that I can’t always be there for her because I’m married and have my family.

She’s a dirty fighter. I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it. I know it comes from a place of immaturity

She’s not wrong in calling you lacking in the brains department.

Righto. You sound very healthy!

[Anonymous]

When a relationship reaches this point between adults, it is over on both sides. Moving forward, you are no longer old friends. You might lie and say otherwise, but you aren’t friends. Sounds like both of you have your own resentment for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this. I do not have fights with my friends. If someone wants to fight, they aren’t much fun to be around.

Op. Yeah, she’s argumentative. It’s fine. It was a fairly silly discussion but then turned ugly. And fwiw she didn’t insult my husband substantively as some people want to assume (lots of negative trolls on here, it seems) but she made a flip comment about me having my husband to run to. Just dumb. And yea, she’s not married and has said she’s lonely, and I know there’s some resentment that I can’t always be there for her because I’m married and have my family.

She’s a dirty fighter. I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it. I know it comes from a place of immaturity

You said "Ironically I am not nearly as upset about anything she said about me, other than it was immature to bring up something from years ago that was really nothing. It was that she brought in my relationship with my husband." And then you call out people posting for assuming she insulted your husband substantively? Grow up. Also, pot, meet kettle. Someone else here is argumentative and it's not just your friend. Perhaps some self reflection would be healthy for you at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this. I do not have fights with my friends. If someone wants to fight, they aren’t much fun to be around.

Op. Yeah, she’s argumentative. It’s fine. It was a fairly silly discussion but then turned ugly. And fwiw she didn’t insult my husband substantively as some people want to assume (lots of negative trolls on here, it seems) but she made a flip comment about me having my husband to run to. Just dumb. And yea, she’s not married and has said she’s lonely, and I know there’s some resentment that I can’t always be there for her because I’m married and have my family.

She’s a dirty fighter. I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it. I know it comes from a place of immaturity

You said "Ironically I am not nearly as upset about anything she said about me, other than it was immature to bring up something from years ago that was really nothing. It was that she brought in my relationship with my husband." And then you call out people posting for assuming she insulted your husband substantively? Grow up. Also, pot, meet kettle. Someone else here is argumentative and it's not just your friend. Perhaps some self reflection would be healthy for you at this point.

Again, you sound very healthy!

[Anonymous]

OP is not going to take any advice here. OP is insecure and wants validation that she is SO MUCH happier and better than her single friend, who MUST be jealous of her.

A normal, secure person would just realize this is a dead relationship and move on, not create a whole thread seeking validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not going to take any advice here. OP is insecure and wants validation that she is SO MUCH happier and better than her single friend, who MUST be jealous of her.

A normal, secure person would just realize this is a dead relationship and move on, not create a whole thread seeking validation.

The trolls come out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this. I do not have fights with my friends. If someone wants to fight, they aren’t much fun to be around.

You've never disagreed with a friend? You aren't normal and the persons you never disagree with aren't friends. Some people lose it when you disagree with them or say no to them. This could have caused an immature person to lash out and start an argument. It's perfectly fine to disagree with others but adults don't do what op's ex friend did. You try to discuss things to resolve the issue and maintain the relationship because you care about the person. If name calling or insults bubble up you know the person is stunted and not friend material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not going to take any advice here. OP is insecure and wants validation that she is SO MUCH happier and better than her single friend, who MUST be jealous of her.

A normal, secure person would just realize this is a dead relationship and move on, not create a whole thread seeking validation.

Nah, if this happened with a person who has been a friend, it could knock you and I could see how venting here could help. It's just always a mixed bag posting here because there are always the posters who live to insult ops of posts.

[Anonymous]

Late 40s and single … she sounds like she’s got a lot of personal baggage that she’s working through, and she’s going to lash out inexplicably.

I’d move on to more-stable friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this. I do not have fights with my friends. If someone wants to fight, they aren’t much fun to be around.

Op. Yeah, she’s argumentative. It’s fine. It was a fairly silly discussion but then turned ugly. And fwiw she didn’t insult my husband substantively as some people want to assume (lots of negative trolls on here, it seems) but she made a flip comment about me having my husband to run to. Just dumb. And yea, she’s not married and has said she’s lonely, and I know there’s some resentment that I can’t always be there for her because I’m married and have my family.

She’s a dirty fighter. I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it. I know it comes from a place of immaturity

You said "Ironically I am not nearly as upset about anything she said about me, other than it was immature to bring up something from years ago that was really nothing. It was that she brought in my relationship with my husband." And then you call out people posting for assuming she insulted your husband substantively? Grow up. Also, pot, meet kettle. Someone else here is argumentative and it's not just your friend. Perhaps some self reflection would be healthy for you at this point.

Again, you sound very healthy!

Um, I'm a different poster. Sounds like multiple people disagree with you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this. I do not have fights with my friends. If someone wants to fight, they aren’t much fun to be around.

Op. Yeah, she’s argumentative. It’s fine. It was a fairly silly discussion but then turned ugly. And fwiw she didn’t insult my husband substantively as some people want to assume (lots of negative trolls on here, it seems) but she made a flip comment about me having my husband to run to. Just dumb. And yea, she’s not married and has said she’s lonely, and I know there’s some resentment that I can’t always be there for her because I’m married and have my family.

She’s a dirty fighter. I’ve got to figure out if I can deal with it. I know it comes from a place of immaturity

You said "Ironically I am not nearly as upset about anything she said about me, other than it was immature to bring up something from years ago that was really nothing. It was that she brought in my relationship with my husband." And then you call out people posting for assuming she insulted your husband substantively? Grow up. Also, pot, meet kettle. Someone else here is argumentative and it's not just your friend. Perhaps some self reflection would be healthy for you at this point.

Again, you sound very healthy!

Um, I'm a different poster. Sounds like multiple people disagree with you...

Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not going to take any advice here. OP is insecure and wants validation that she is SO MUCH happier and better than her single friend, who MUST be jealous of her.

A normal, secure person would just realize this is a dead relationship and move on, not create a whole thread seeking validation.

Nah, if this happened with a person who has been a friend, it could knock you and I could see how venting here could help. It's just always a mixed bag posting here because there are always the posters who live to insult ops of posts.

Op here. Yeah, I’m kind of knocked and not sure what to do. In one respect they’ve been a very dependable and supportive friend for years. In another respect, I’m truly disgusted by their style of fighting. So childish. And fwiw I do think their jabs came from a place of insecurity and jealousy even- call me arrogant, I don’t mind. Not that my dh is perfect or that she ‘wants him’ but I do think that she doesn’t like how I can’t be there for her as much as she’d like because of my family obligations, including my dh.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your communication style with her throughout the course of your relationship. If you have had arguments with her before, but this was just taking it to the next step, or if you have never had arguments or angry words, and this was out of the blue.

I’m not sure why you were focusing on her comment that you can run back to your husband. That’s not the most extreme thing someone could say to you and it seems like you are sensitive about that for some reason. Maybe you think she perceives you as overly differential to your husband or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your communication style with her throughout the course of your relationship. If you have had arguments with her before, but this was just taking it to the next step, or if you have never had arguments or angry words, and this was out of the blue.

I’m not sure why you were focusing on her comment that you can run back to your husband. That’s not the most extreme thing someone could say to you and it seems like you are sensitive about that for some reason. Maybe you think she perceives you as overly differential to your husband or something.

Op. Not exactly, as I mentioned above, she often seems pissy that I don’t have more time for her bc I’m married. That’s why it was frustrating that she would throw that in.