Spouse avoiding discussions about RIFs and next steps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the feedback. I’ve been laid off before and in one case, pushed out by an abusive supervisor. Because if those experiences, I pretty much have always had a Plan B, even working part time jobs after my full time just to know I had something else. So, I’m doing my best to be understanding and patient. I get it. I think I just need to HEAR something more realistic from someone who has a great network (he’s already been offered some terrific consulting work if he wants it) other than selling art or DJ’ing raves.

There is so much that you are not in control of. I keep my energy focused on what’s in my control - our budget, having a plan to reduce expenses and increase savings, making sure resume is up to date, keeping up network and checking in with my friends. Also making sure I have any paperwork that I need if I were suddenly locked out the system.

The rest is about not getting overwhelmed with anxiety about the future or bitter about feeling expendable. Part of the Dj/selling art could be wanting to feel like they are more in control if they are self employed and doing something they enjoy after feeling that you’ve worked hard, kept focused and could end up RIFFed anyway. I definitely went thru those emotions when the company I worked for went bankrupt. It was tough not being bitter seeing the executives with golden parachutes while the rest of us were lucky to get a month severance - especially after working thru the holidays for a big deadline only to have the news break after the holidays. Having co-workers network and try to help each other once they found a new job and having a boss that looked out for me are what helped me keep my spirits up.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am in a similar situation so I really feel for you guys.

But I think you really need to be honest with yourself about who your husband is and what motivates him.

If he secretly likes being nagged because he wants the shared responsibility of you telling him what to do vs him making the choice - then go that route.

If he would benefit from some space and indulgence in his ideas for other financial opportunities/careers, try to support that even though it is scary for you.

Try not to forget that his is super hard on you but more emotional for him too. I just think the most important thing is that you think about how your reactions can help him achieve the best possible outcome and if you are honest with yourself, you’ll know which route is best for him.

[Anonymous]

OP - As others are noting you two are in in a much better place than so many in the DC area especially. What you can do now is to look at your family budget and save as much as you can in your "Emergency Fund." Make sure that you all see your doctors and dentists regularly and get any suggested checkups done, too, while covered by your health insurance. At work to have him print out all his government benfits and related accounts for all of his service is important as noted. Also, off his work computer develop a list of future professional contacts. As appropriate, make digital or paper copies of all important documents related to his job that he may want to refer to in the future as so much of record in fields is simply being destroyed. Otherwise, just go about your life. Imagine on the other end so many folks who are being literally picked up off the streets for the way they simply look or the work they do......

[Anonymous]

So what do you want. Should he transition to a new job with same or less pay, and forgo severance and possible DSR? If he applies to jobs he burns a bridge if he doesn’t take it.

He imagined a career that would go into his 60s, and no one wants a 40+ Fed.

[Anonymous]

Do you want him to change jobs now, or get ready to maybe be laid off? Those are different things.

I agree with PPs that he may not be RIFd and if he is he'll get severance. It sounds like he has a network, which is great.
Really the only other "get ready" things are to get any training or certifications that could be helpful. And then for the family to do proactive things like save money, get all your medical appointments done, and take a vacation now so he doesn't have to take time off in a new job.

If you want him to leave the civil service before he's laid off, that's a different conversation about where he can work, what it pays, whether it's a long term situation for an older person. A lot of us have done that calculation and decided to stay for now. Ymmv.

[Anonymous]

DJing may not be the wisest course but going into business for himself is not a terrible idea - as compared to trying to land an office job right now. If ne needs to imagine something completely different, encourage him to think about what new path might reasonably pay the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've been in the system for 37 years and have seen these things come and go. Even though I don't know your DH's particular situation, in most cases, these things come and go without getting RIFed. Your encouragement (when he is already under a lot of stress) won't do him any good at this point.

You have not seen anything remotely like this happen in your career.

I have sadly. Also, I am still in the system.

Nope. There has not been one time in the last 37 years that the Federal and Contractor workforce has been decimated like this. There have been historical reductions but absolutely nothing like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've been in the system for 37 years and have seen these things come and go. Even though I don't know your DH's particular situation, in most cases, these things come and go without getting RIFed. Your encouragement (when he is already under a lot of stress) won't do him any good at this point.

You have not seen anything remotely like this happen in your career.

I have sadly. Also, I am still in the system.

Nope. There has not been one time in the last 37 years that the Federal and Contractor workforce has been decimated like this. There have been historical reductions but absolutely nothing like this.

Don’t forget agency specific RIFs can be just as bad if not worse if your head is on the chopping block. It feels different when it’s your job on the line.

[Anonymous]

You need to prepare for divorce. DJ in his 40’s? That’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Np here. I’m a Fed waiting to see what happens with my position. It looked like I’d be RIF’d for a bit, but now looks okay. I set up a job alert but then thought through the steps - updating my resume should be the most obvious, but feels exhausting. I would need that to apply to jobs but right now even if I were offered a job I wouldn’t take it if there’s a chance I can stay in my Fed job, so it just seems like a lot of energy when I don’t know what the future holds.

Have you asked your husband what his goals would be? He sounds like he doesn’t have the same views about what’s needed as you do. My husband took some time to decompress between jobs and said if I were to lose mine he’d recommend the same.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s telling you he’s burnt out and needs a break. Why don’t you support him in applying for new things, while telling him you think it’d be great if he could take a break between his current job and any new opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've been in the system for 37 years and have seen these things come and go. Even though I don't know your DH's particular situation, in most cases, these things come and go without getting RIFed. Your encouragement (when he is already under a lot of stress) won't do him any good at this point.

You have not seen anything remotely like this happen in your career.

I have sadly. Also, I am still in the system.

Nope. There has not been one time in the last 37 years that the Federal and Contractor workforce has been decimated like this. There have been historical reductions but absolutely nothing like this.

Don’t forget agency specific RIFs can be just as bad if not worse if your head is on the chopping block. It feels different when it’s your job on the line.

Your historical agency specific RIFs is nothing compared to what has happened since Jan 2025 and what is to come.