Spouse avoiding discussions about RIFs and next steps

[Anonymous]

DH may be out of a job over the next few months. We’ve been aware that this could happen for quite some time. There are some good job possibilities out there for him to consider, but he just blows off the suggestions and won't even apply.

Sure, I can be the main breadwinner, and we’d struggle but be ok. The thing is he has the skills and potential to recover well. The most he’ll say is that he’ll probably be unemployed soon, and then brings up some midlife crisis gig idea like selling art online or something that’s obviously not going to work out well like selling things at a flea market or looking for DJ gigs because he’s into music. Or bike repair. If we were in our 20s without kids renting a studio, ok, live out your fantasy, but that’s not going to cut it in our 40s with kids and real bills.

I don’t know if it’s sone coping mechanism or what, but it’s getting hard to listen to knowing that he’s not focusing on a realistic, viable plan B.

[Anonymous]

“Listen, I know you are stressed about this job situation. It totally sucks and it isn’t your fault. But I need you to think through some options that might make sense for us logistically and financially. It is really hard for me to listen to you discuss things like selling art or being a DJ. That is something we should totally consider once we have enough saved for retirement and college and the kids are launched. But right now, I think you need to look at what jobs are out there with a steady paycheck and health benefits.”

[Anonymous]

Same OP. My husband just said maybe Ill take VERA and just do instacart. Um so you want to proactively quit and buy groceries for rich people…

[Anonymous]

If he does lose his job, he'll have all day to do applications. The problem of him being delusional is the real problem.

[Anonymous]

Same OP. Husband’s business is being decimated due to DOGE cuts and he says this is probably the right time for him to focus on writing the novel he has always wanted to write. We have two elementary age kids. Lord help me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Listen, I know you are stressed about this job situation. It totally sucks and it isn’t your fault. But I need you to think through some options that might make sense for us logistically and financially. It is really hard for me to listen to you discuss things like selling art or being a DJ. That is something we should totally consider once we have enough saved for retirement and college and the kids are launched. But right now, I think you need to look at what jobs are out there with a steady paycheck and health benefits.”

I would not like to be talked to that way with the multiple "you need to" statements.

I personally would prefer more along the lines of "how can I help you navigate this?"

[Anonymous]

Your husband won’t do anything until he has to.

[Anonymous]

If this were a woman about to lose a job y’all would be saying it’s fine if she needs some time to decompress and figure out her next steps, but when it’s the man he’s just expected to find a new job and keep the money flowing without missing a beat.

[Anonymous]

How certain are you that he would be laid off? And how realistic are these other jobs?

If it is unknown, I’d say that he’s just using the other ideas as a coping mechanism. He doesn’t want to restart his career elsewhere.

My wife and I had a conversation with our extended families when everything with DOGE was really uncertain for my agency. Her thought was that my skills would translate well elsewhere and I’d certainly find a job. I think the opposite - my career is extremely niche and employers aren’t looking for “skills”, they want experience and results. So, your view on what might be possible for him may be optimistic in this white collar environment.

[Anonymous]

He’s in shock. Many of us Feds have been living in a heightened state of stress since January. The job market for most of us is brutal. Give him some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH may be out of a job over the next few months. We’ve been aware that this could happen for quite some time. There are some good job possibilities out there for him to consider, but he just blows off the suggestions and won't even apply.

You really think he should be applying to jobs when he's not actually laid off yet? Seems like he should be updating his resume and reaching out to contacts "just in case", but no need to apply to anything yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How certain are you that he would be laid off? And how realistic are these other jobs?

If it is unknown, I’d say that he’s just using the other ideas as a coping mechanism. He doesn’t want to restart his career elsewhere.

My wife and I had a conversation with our extended families when everything with DOGE was really uncertain for my agency. Her thought was that my skills would translate well elsewhere and I’d certainly find a job. I think the opposite - my career is extremely niche and employers aren’t looking for “skills”, they want experience and results. So, your view on what might be possible for him may be optimistic in this white collar environment.

This. I had plans B, C, and D, and they're all in the trash because my entire field is being decimated (not just RIFs but also cuts to research grants, contracts, etc). Everyone has hiring freezes. I don't think it's going to be a quick transition to another similarly paid white collar job. It's going to be a long period of unemployment, networking, etc and possibly starting a whole new career or retraining in my 40s. The best prep I can do is save as much as possible, use our health insurance and FSA benefits, etc to survive that. It would be unrealistic for my spouse to assume I can quickly get an equivalent position elsewhere.

Not to mention that you can't really put Plan B in motion until you're ready to jump. I realized this when applying and had one interview this spring in anticipation of RIFs - I'm not ready to go voluntarily. They are going to have to make me leave. So yes, I fantasize about a part time creative business that I'll start while driving school busses or whatever, because I'm not going to let myself out this door, which seriously pursuing an alternate plan would require.

[Anonymous]

Get him to update his resume now. Ask him to make sure he has whatever documents he would want to have if he were escorted out of the building with no notice. So things like his SF 50, his performance reviews, his position, description, and whatever else he is allowed to have. He can take notes about things he’s worked on and projects he’s been involved in, so that if he ever needs to talk about those things later on, he can. If he gets on top of those things, he will be in much better shape if a RIF actually happens, and since he still has his job, the psychological pressure will be less now than later on.

Signed,
RIFfed former fed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How certain are you that he would be laid off? And how realistic are these other jobs?

If it is unknown, I’d say that he’s just using the other ideas as a coping mechanism. He doesn’t want to restart his career elsewhere.

My wife and I had a conversation with our extended families when everything with DOGE was really uncertain for my agency. Her thought was that my skills would translate well elsewhere and I’d certainly find a job. I think the opposite - my career is extremely niche and employers aren’t looking for “skills”, they want experience and results. So, your view on what might be possible for him may be optimistic in this white collar environment.

Not OP, and this is totally fair — but he at least needs to try before resorting to “I will be a 48 year old DJ and not be home on the weekends.”

[Anonymous]

My colleagues who lost their jobs in the April 1 HHS mass RIF are largely still looking for jobs, not for lack of effort. Entire fields are being decimated. It might not be easy to waltz into the next opportunity.