How to date while high maintenance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Can you pay for those so-called high maintenance things?

2. Can you take care of all of your needs, even if you hire out (cooking, cleaning)?

3. Are you polite to people who wait on you or otherwise don’t have power over you?

If you answered yes to all three, you are fine. And if any guy gives you a hard time, ask him to explain the reason. If the reason is dumb, give him a miss.

1. Yes.

2. Yes

3. Yes. I am from the midwest and extremely nice. I’m kind to everyone and also tip well. Even sucky service gets pleasantry and a 10% tip. I would never be rude to anyone. I’m not above anyone either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

Meh, I was like OP was a 20-something. I have fully embraced the daily drudgery of parenting. Why would people need to embrace drudgery before it’s time to do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 31 and really want to marry and have a family. Admittedly, I’m high maintenance. I’m aware but do not plan to change this because that’s what works for me. Am I a lost cause or is this still hope to find a man?

If you are pretty and wealthy, you can be as high maintenance as you want.

I’m pretty not hot. I rate my looks a 6.5/7. I’m not wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

Meh, I was like OP was a 20-something. I have fully embraced the daily drudgery of parenting. Why would people need to embrace drudgery before it’s time to do it?

You are the one who said “embrace.” My post says “tolerate.”

[Anonymous]

That laziness means you wouldn’t be a good mother. When you’re a mom you need to clean up after multiple people, but you refuse to even clean up after yourself. That’s a red flag for guys who want kids.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you posted sounds that odd, especially since you can pay for it. Sure, the not cooking may be a turn off to some guys, but not to the extent that you are doomed in relationships. There must be something else going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That laziness means you wouldn’t be a good mother. When you’re a mom you need to clean up after multiple people, but you refuse to even clean up after yourself. That’s a red flag for guys who want kids.

I’m not lazy. I used to cook and clean but now choose not to. I will be cooking and cleaning once kids come in the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing you posted sounds that odd, especially since you can pay for it. Sure, the not cooking may be a turn off to some guys, but not to the extent that you are doomed in relationships. There must be something else going on.

I can cook and will cook if it’s what makes sense for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want kids? Because nothing about your current habits is sustainable with kids. Unless you and he come from or make a lot of money. And nothing says you’d tolerate the drudgery of parenting well. That is why you are a red flag.

Meh, I was like OP was a 20-something. I have fully embraced the daily drudgery of parenting. Why would people need to embrace drudgery before it’s time to do it?

You are the one who said “embrace.” My post says “tolerate.”

Ok, why do people need to show they would tolerate the drudgery of parenting years before they become a parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That laziness means you wouldn’t be a good mother. When you’re a mom you need to clean up after multiple people, but you refuse to even clean up after yourself. That’s a red flag for guys who want kids.

That's a red flag for guys who want a bang-mommy. Normal men don't think about hiring cleaners as being unable to care for children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your best bet is to be yourself. Always go on dates with full makeup, perfect hair, manicure/pedicure, heels, fancy clothing.

Some men really appreciate a girly girl who always looks perfect by their side. Don’t downplay this part of your personality and make sure it is something he appreciates.

I don’t really do makeup, nails, or hair much. My high maintenance is subscriptions, massages, a house cleaner, etc.

I am a man and I don't see an issue at all with that. As long as you can afford said services who am I (or any man for that matter) to call you high maintenance. You work hard for your money. Enjoy your subscriptions, massages and house cleaner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 31 and really want to marry and have a family. Admittedly, I’m high maintenance. I’m aware but do not plan to change this because that’s what works for me. Am I a lost cause or is this still hope to find a man?

You’ll find someone just as high maintenance as you…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Can you pay for those so-called high maintenance things?

2. Can you take care of all of your needs, even if you hire out (cooking, cleaning)?

3. Are you polite to people who wait on you or otherwise don’t have power over you?

If you answered yes to all three, you are fine. And if any guy gives you a hard time, ask him to explain the reason. If the reason is dumb, give him a miss.

1. Yes.

2. Yes

3. Yes. I am from the midwest and extremely nice. I’m kind to everyone and also tip well. Even sucky service gets pleasantry and a 10% tip. I would never be rude to anyone. I’m not above anyone either.

You are fine. You live an expensive lifestyle. That is not the same as being high maintenance.
You can afford that expensive lifestyle and that's ok.
Find a man who can afford the same expensive lifestyle and you'll be fine.
You sound like a nice woman. I would date you.

[Anonymous]

It's not about individual things on your list, OP but rather the attitude. What do you envision will happen when you're married with kids? Someone will have to make food for the children, you will not be able to travel as easily, and your time may be severely curtailed such that massages will be out of the question.

The reason people are confused is that it's not about being "high-maintenance". It's about presenting yourself as possibly rigid in your lifestyle. Dating and marriage require adaptability. You can't just add someone to your life and not expect it to change considerably, even if it's just one mature adult.

[Anonymous]

Are you fat? I know it sounds superficial, but lots of guys care more about that than whether a woman pays for a cleaning service or uses meal kits.